im so loss without my mom (Page 1)

i havnt lost my mom, but i loss my 78 y.o great aunt. i was numb for 3-4 months. then my male best friend shot himself in the head and died. i was numb a good part of that year. i didnt talk to anyone, no one didnt know what i was going through, i was just a zombie.
please dont do that to yourself, it's good that your finding a support group.

I just lost my mom three weeks ago. I am an only child at the age of 52. She died two days before my birthday. The pain of losing my mother, my confidant, my best friend is so deep. I wake at three in the morning just sobbing with a pain that is so deep. I feel like I am so lost. We talked everyday. We talked about everything. I have no real friends and I too just tell people what they want to hear. They certainly don't want to hear that about this intense pain. I am here for the same reason as you, to find someone else that feels the same and understands this loss that is just so deep it is beyond description.

I too lost my Mom the day of your post. I am in fear of loosong my job and my sanity. We talked daily and I visited everyday. The hurt and pain is overwelming. I wish I could tell u something but I am not good myself. If u find anything that helps alittle Please let me know . I just know the space u r in and I feel for u very deeply even tho I don't know u . I am there tooo!!

I lost my mom a year and a half ago. For the first six months I was numb and in shock after losing her at just 59 to ovarian cancer in two months after diagnosis. I am 38 an only child, with no children or significant other. The next six months I think I self medicated on pot and alcohol - only delaying the real grief. Now I am dealing with my loss and somedays it hurts more than when I stood at her funeral hugging the many that cycled through the funeral home. My mom was a hippie, a true friend, listened to cool music and was my biggest cheerleader and the hardest worker I ever knew. I feel so many emotions..replaying the events in my head in the hospital etc. I hear one of her favorite songs and the tears start flying. I quit my job, who could have cared less she died, and went back to school - which has been very wonderful for me. I don't know when grief ends...all I know is I manage each emotion as it comes and just try and move on a little day by day. I have never been one to cry on a dime but I am now. Good luck with your loss..I truly know how you feel!

I feel the same way! And do the same things! It is so hard...so unbelievable! How do you ever get over this!! So hurt so lost so numb! Don't know how to handle it..want to just call her! I know I can't..so I read messages..which I know may not be best but I just want to be close to her someway!! Don't know what to do!!

my mother commited suicide in 91 when i was 19 be lucky you got a long time to be with your mother and was able to have a beutiful relationship with her , i never got that chance thats the worst part knowing you dident get to ever say the things you learn later in life to say. we were never close she was closer to my brother who was killed in 86 at 21. she was never the same. thank God for the beutiful time you did have together.good luck in everything

oh and the pain does get better in time just hang in there. ask me anything you may have

To buckeyeinparma:
Reading your post was like reading my own story. My Mom died one month ago yesterday at the age of 59 because of ovarian cancer. She was only diagnosed 2 months earlier. She had surgery to remove the tumors and then died 7 days later from an infection caused by the surgery. I am trying to grieve but it is hard when I, my three sisters and my dad are also meeting with medical attorneys for malpractice. An autopsy completed shows that measures could have been taken to prevent her death and reading the reports has been the most devastating. The doctors were convincing us during those 7 days that she had given up and just wanted more pain medication-but knowing my mom and who she was, we just knew this wasn't true. They kept telling us that she should have been on her feet 2 days after the surgery and the fact that she wasn't was a sure sign that she was depressed and dependent on the pain medication. The infection was caught into the 5th night and she died 36 hours later. I wish I could just deal with the fact that she is gone and it was just her time but I cannot feel this way. I feel like we were misguided and misdirected by the doctors and that something could have been done to save her. She kept telling us how much pain she was in and then it got to the point where she couldn't even form a full sentence. I feel like she was robbed from me and my family and i have so much anger inside me because of it.
What has helped it reading post's like your's and realizing I am not alone. My mom was my world and the pain I feel from her loss is like no other. Nighttime is the hardest and that is when I think of her most. Thank you for your post. It sounds like our moms were very alike and possibly could have been friends. Take care.

Well this is a bit different, I lost my mother, who is actually my grandmother who was 81 yrs.old. on Sept.10,2009 She has 10 children and 3 had passed on, and the loss of my grandpa was Sept.11,1991. My grandparents and my uncle Bill who passed on in March,2008 @ the age of 40. were my family, My parents and my big,very intelligent brother is how I basically see it. My biological mother had me at the age of 15 yrs. My mother is a good woman who I guess kind of stood by the sidelines at times and,my father was not in the scene at all. My grandparents and my uncle and a couple other uncles stopped by quite often were my family, my support, my everything, then my grandpa got alziemers and espestices poisoning from work, was an amazing man, I was only 10 when he passed on before that it was a difficult battle just my grams and me looking after my grandpa who didn't knows at times. I then loss my big brother "my uncle Bill" suddenly from sleep apnea, which we never knew it was that bad, he just obtained his red seal and got his journeyman for welding. My grandma couldn't handle it and 2 days later had a heart attack, and was sick in the hospital for 2 months and wasn't the same after that, and the doctor told me 24 hours for her, my heart felt liked it stopped...and I cried and asked my grama to stay and she told me, she wasn't going anywhere, I was soo greatful to have her come home that I took her all the way to Niagra Falls ON. for one last trip, she had never been there, only to more bad news, My other uncle passed away,while we were away, and I didn't tell my grama till we got home, so she would get sick. Some of my gramas children were there, I never really got along with any of them because they were jelous of me, and they lived in b.c and never came around or even sent a card. Well my aunt got angry with me and told my grama and she had another heart attack and got worse and of course they left back home and I felt it was my duty to take care of my grandparents because they took great care of me. My grama was my everything,Now I am dealing with all this paperwork and death I have my grandparents sibling trying to take the house from me. I wish they didn't leave me behind.

I lost my mum on 19th november last, from cancer diagnosed only 34 days earlier. I live in the UK. I miss her so much, she was 75 I am 50, the only daughter. I just go to pick up the phone to tell her something, everything I do reminds me of her. I just don't know what to do. Only the women who have lost mums truly understand and no-one can replace her. All that knowledge, all those memories and all that love.

I am 24. My mum is 54, she is in a hospice. She has had ovarian cancer for two years and it has been a slow torturous journey since she was diagnosed. She has had so much emotional turmoil with doctors and financial worries. Things are tough. I know she is going to die and I cry every night . Me and Mum have always been so close, she is such a strong woman but she is so so weak now, she is about six stone when she used to be twelve. It pains me to see her suffering. I have a three year old daughter who is very demanding and I am at uni tring to make something of myself but I cant concentrate, my life feels like it is falling apart around me. I dont know who to turn to, my friends dont know what to say to me & my Dad throws himself into his work as financial pressures are mounting. It feels like I am grieving even before she has died, has anyone else felt like this?

Yes I totally have felt exactly what your feeling, I realize you posted this a while ago, bu tI was dealing with the same emotions you were. I know for a fact that I started the grieving process before my mom died. It didn't make it any easier, and right now I am trying to figure out why the second Mothers Day without her was much worse than the first I am feeling like I should have done more for her even though I was one of the main ones that stayed with her and was at her side right till the end. But yes to answer your question, it feels like you grieve as they are dying, very weird process, and a compeltely horrible thing to go through

I lost my Mum on Sept 19 2009 at 3:33am I was at her side when she took her last breath after a courageous 3 yr fight with ovarian cancer. As I write this I am sitting in the library at school and crying in 4 days it will be 3 mths since she died and I will be 40 May 27th I have no children and no significant other going through a divorce. I feel sometimes like a lost child. I read something I would like to share
When I felt broken she helped me heal
When challenges in my life were too daunting she was
my support
When I had my heart broken from lost love she reached
inside and soflty held my heart in her hand until it
could beat again on its own
This was my mother my best friend, my anchor, my
inspiration.
Who is going to hold my heart now?

On January 28th, 2010 my mom passed away at the age of 56 from a massive heart attack. She had been sick for many years but I honestly did not expect this to happen so quickly. Now I feel as if my entire life has come to an end. I feel very alone. The worst part is I can not talk to her anymore. It is a deep feeling inside that I can not describe. I think my brother is taking this hard because he will not answer my calls or texts. And my grandmother lived with her and recently got moved in with my uncle...We just spoke on the phone and she said she felt lost and did not want me to forget about her....I am not sure if I will ever be the same

My mum died from a huge heart attack 3 months ago - it was totally unexpected as she was in perfect health and even though I'm surrounded by a lovely family I just feel totally lost without her. She was my best friend and the one person I went to if ever I was feeling down or needed anything. She was so much fun and truly unlike anyone I've ever met - life now just seems so pointless without her - its like everything is in black and white instead of colour.
I feel totally disconnected from everyone and everything and I've lost such a huge part of myself I don't know how I'll ever be the same again. I feel like I'm having a total identity crises because I just don't know who I am without her. The other thing that really upsets me is that people just expect you to deal with it because your not a child or a teenager anymore. I'm trying to put a brave face on it when I can around my family and friends but inside I feel like I'm dying. Shes never going to see me get married or even meet my future husband (if I ever get one now I'm such a broken mess) All my other siblings are older so are with their long term partners and my mum has been there to see them have kids and stuff. All of my friends still have their mums and just don't understand what I'm going through - it feels like my whole life has fallen apart in the blink of an eye and it just keeps getting worse because now my dads whos health was pretty much ok has suddenly got bad and I just keep thinking somethings going to happen to him and I'm going to be an orphan at 24. All I want to do is curl up into a ball and cry and I don't know how I'm going to go back to work and put my happy face on. I just want my mum x

I am in the UK
I lost my Mum in June 2008 from pancreatic cancer - she fought for 10 months. I am an only daughter and Mum ''left'' 3 months before my 50th. There are no words that can tell you the depth of my loss, grief, loneliness, desolation - I thought time would ease the pain - it hasn''t. My Mum was my soul-mate, my world, how do I live every day on this earth feeling so dead inside. Like ''Celine Dion'' says, there is not greater love than that of a Mother. God bless you all who are posting here.

Hi there my name is Luke I live in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. I just turned 28 on April 15th.

I recently lost my mom on April 1st 2010. She passed away in hospital with me and the rest of my family around her, she was unconscious, but I know her spirit knew we were there with her. The reason for her passing away was that she aspirated on food. This means that when she was eating, she swallowed food wrong into her lung passage and it blocked her airway. The night that it happened she was not feeling well and had taken her sleep aid to help with her pain so she could fall asleep in the car on the way home(she had 2 major diseases that caused her a great deal of pain, fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis, along with getting bladder and kidney infections constantly as well as bad allergie problems and asthma which caused her to have problems breathing at times.), my dad found her outside beside my car, she was alone outside eating a burger for all but 2-3 minutes.. He came running in and told me to go help him and that my mom had passed out in the lane way. I tried to help my mom and give her CPR, but I panicked, I don''t feel that I did things right.. and the Paramedics took a very long time coming to my house. They also did many things wrong and could have probably saved her life had they not taken so long and done so many things backwards. She had gone without oxygen for a long time so her brain suffered alot of damage. After quite a few minutes they managed to get her vitals back and brought her to the hospital, She was in hospital for a total of about 3 days. During this time there were test''s conducted, and I must say the way that the doctor treating my mom acted hurt me very much and not all but some of her nurses were not so pleasant. This whole thing has been extremely hard for me, not that it is about me.. but now I have lost an amazing mom. I think about it every minute of everyday and I just spent my first birthday and mother''s day without my mom. Sometimes I feel like im going crazy because of how in shock I still am about all of this happening, I had to watch my sweet caring mother pass away in the hospital. I guess part of me is still in denial that my best friend is gone to heaven so early, she was only 53 she would have been 54 in July. I miss my mom so much and am I totally heartbroken, me and my mother were extremely close and she was a strong woman and was always there for me, even when she was going through so much God and her family were her life, she truly was a super mom. I can''t tell you how many times I wished I could have replaced her with myself in the hospital over those 3 days, part of me thinks I''m to blame for what happen because I didn''t help her right it seems and I gave her the food she choked on. I forgive the paramedics for messing up but its hard not to think about it. I really can''t see my life without my mom. I have been struggling now for 6 solid weeks. I have 2 little girls that need their daddy and I have been doing my best to care for them (not an easy task). I miss and love my mom so much and I can''t begin to tell you how empty I feel that part of my life and me as a person has died. I always told my mom whenever she would pass away, I didn''t know if I could handle it. I fight everyday to stay stable even though most days I think I''m getting worse and losing my fight. I try my best in honor of my MoM and God, because I know both of them would want me to try my best that and I''m a christian, so I know I''ll see my mom soon enough in heaven. If I can say one thing I must say, I don''t think anything can compare to losing your mother the person that raised you and made you the person you are today. My mother taught me well and everything she did teach me I''ll never forget I miss her smile and she sweetness and her tight loving hugs. I just want my mom back.. but I know it can''t happen till I see her in heaven. I guess all I have to say is I might not know exactly how everyone of you feels.. but I know I understand totally and feel the same pain you do. I just pray that we all get through our loss and have the strength to get through each day. Take care all, my God bless and touch your heart as you deal with loss.

Luke~~

I lost my mum in nov 09 I am cracking up, we
were together 24/7 she was I''ll but died very
sudden, due to hospital not doing there job
I can''t sleep anymore just wish I was dead too.
I am so down but I have my 2 girls to look after
I''m 30 my mum wuz 52 I can''t get it in my head I''m never
gonna see her again I''m sat at her grave ev other
day polishing it I need help just want her back

I lost my Mum in Nov 2009. She died 16 weeks after being diagnosed with lung cancer. I was pregnant at the time and she died when my daughter was 4 weeks old. I am having a really hard time coming to terms with the fact she wont be here to share my children. My son was 18mths old when she died, I am so happy she got to be a part of his life even though short lived but I wanted a daughter so much which Mum knew and just as I get her my Mum was taken away from me. I am particularly having a hard time because I have an overbearing mother in law who is obsessed with my kids and my Mum was the balance to her but now she is gone. I am now forced to rely on her for all help with my kids and it is so unfair and I am so angry , it should be my Mum with me and not her! asking for her help with my kids only empowers her to be more over the top. Don't know how to deal with my mother in law and my grief, I know its horrible but I wish it was her, I need my Mum now more than ever.

My mom died from ovarian cancer,She been battling it for a year. She was diagnose back in 2008 died in 2009.My mom was in a lot of pain.I did not know she was going to Die.She my mom died on my birthday from complication of the cancer.

I guess the doctors did not find hers in time enough it has already was to far gone she was having pain in her lower abdomen before her diagnose.She had a full hysterectomy ,and had everything removed, but it was too late the cancer had already spreaded.

My mom was my best friend she was everything to me.She had cancer in her ovaries and then it spreaded to her lymphoids and other places .I believe in the liver and kidney and lungs.I know she is with the lord now.I will see her again when my time comes. you all we are in this together we got to pray to make the situation better ;so we can move on......That what our love ones would want.

I just lost my Mom on Aug 11th. 2010 from neglet from a Nursing Home. My dad had major surgery and because my Mom had taken a bad fall a few yrs prior they felt that she would be better only temp in a nursing home to get better rehabilitation. I had previously stayed with her for 9 days but had to go back to work. They found my my slumped over still on the tolet seat, she was already pronounced dead when I rushed to U-mass. I hate that nursing home and just knowing that my mom couldn't breathe and God only knows how long she suffered gasping for air. I hate myself and blame myself because I could of taken an extra wk off with pay. They just made it sound so good that her walking woud get better, but instead they murdered my mom. I now have my dad living with me. I cry all the time and feel so empty inside. My Mom was my bestfriend and the only person that I could ever trust. I wish I was dead, but because I have 2 grown children I have to think of them, and my dad to. I can not get that vision out of my mind. I know my Mom was scared. i use to be so happy but now I am just dead inside. Like everyone else they ask how I am and ofcourse I lie and I also walk around like a zombie. Thankyou for listening.

I also lost my mom to lung cancer. She was diagnosed 21 days before she passed on July 16, 2010 at 1:50am I was so close with her. I too was by her side and watched her take her last breath. She was my best friend...Life will never be the same. I too feel like I wish God would take me at times.
I was diagnosed with Cancer last year and my mom was by my side through chemo, loss of hair, emotions...always there not taking care of herself, but just worried about me..Imagine the guilt. She told me "I would not have changed a thing" Life is cruel. I was hoping for a good year, but it has been terrible! I remember thinking last year was so bad now I yearn for it. I would go through chemo all over again just to have my mom back, but without pain and cancer of course. Thanks for writing it helps to read some of your posts. I too feel alone in the world (only child). I know no one will ever love me like my mom does.