Over the past say 16 months I have started to become more and more worried about my future. I'm consistently going on dates with women and just ending it after date number 2 or 3 because I just know there not the one i want to be with.
Im only 19 but ask any of my friends; i am the most broody guy on the planet; for example in a perfect world i want a perfect wife who is willing to bear 12 children for me, and seeing as my apprenticeship will lead me to working offshore ill only be home 2 weeks at a time. I want someone who has the dedication for me being away so frequently.
I am quite a confident guy i dont have much trouble going out meeting women but its all women around my age there all just shoddy shallow or empty when it comes to intellect and personality.
Am i being to harsh or am i just old before my time?
At my age shouldn't i just be looking for people to "screw"?
But i don't want meaningless sex i want to find someone willing to get serious consider marriage family.
Why am i so obsessed with finding love?
Is it a good or bad thing?
Should i stop judging women so harshly on what i want?
Should i try acting my age not 10 years older?
A little friendly advice would be much appreciated.
First, what you describe is not love, it's loyalty. Get a dog. Love is not a feeling, it is a verb. Love means that when you marry a woman, you are each anxious to serve each other's needs. She may be willing to have children and wait at home while you are off-shore, but when you are home, you might rub her feet and cook dinner for a couple of weeks. If you are not willing to meet your partners needs, then you are not really marriage material.
Secondly, it sounds like what you are really asking is if there is such a thing as a loving and committed woman who will not fall apart or cheat on you while you are out of town working. The answer is YES, there are, but not just out of high school (usually). What you should look for is a mature, confident young woman who has hobbies and interests of her own. She cannot be needy, nor dependent upon you for her happiness, or she will never survive when you are not around. I suggest you find a woman of great faith, who loves God more than she loves you. Do you attend a house of worship? That's a good place to start. Also, you should look for a woman who has already graduated college (meaning you may need to wait until you are out of college), and perhaps give her a few years of marriage without children. She might even like to have a career of her own for a while too. Then, later, when she is ready to begin having children, she might not only be content to stay at home with them, but may appreciate that you earn a decent enough living to allow her to do so.
Personally, I live in a part of the country where there are MANY off-shore engineers. I know - first hand - several woman who are just as you describe. They also are just as I describe...educated women of great faith, who understand that their sacrifice will enable their husbands to earn enough money for them to stay at home with the children (and maybe hire a maid a couple of times a month - because no woman wants to feel like she lives to clean up after the children). Their husbands also understand that when they are home, they have to really make up for their absence with a lot of family time.
Young ladies today are quite shallow, you are correct. However, if you know the qualities of the woman you are looking for, you can begin the process of developing yourself into the type of man to whom such an independent and educated woman would be attracted. For example, the woman you seek will appreciate very much that you have not screwed around a lot in your younger years. She will want you to be a servant leader - a man of great faith who is giving, not selfish. A man who will pitch in with the household chores, coach the kids little league teams, plan family outings and date nights, and who is thoughtful, considerate, and compassionate. How can you prepare yourself, you may ask?
Take a few cooking classes, and maybe one in ball-room dancing. Volunteer as a big brother to a kid without a father, or offer to tutor struggling students at a local junior high school. Organize a holiday food drive on campus for a local soup kitchen. Attend worship services and get involved with the young adults there. Run a marathon for St. Jude's Cancer Research Center. Get a job as a children's storyteller at a local public library. There are so many ways in which you can begin preparing yourself for the happily married life you envision. Just make sure you understand what your goal is, and then, being the methodical thinker that you are (as all engineers seem to be), you can begin to chart a course toward achieving that goal.
That is some quality advice right there, but im not a man of god for reason that have been justified to myself. So i may just have to look a little bit harder in other areas.
Also my house husband abilities have been honed due to respect for my mum. i never liked the idea of her cleaning up after me so i developed the abilities to cook, clean and show great patience. I know it sounds like a very self centred post, but im not trying to come across that way. I am a very giving guy for example the majority of my apprentice wage gets used on my siblings and digs to my mum and dad and i dont even live at home i just choose to do so because we all know its not cheap to raise a child.
I just seem to have given up for the time being on finding a women, every time i try dating it all ways has the same result.
I do believe you when you say there are women out there with the qualities i am searching for and believe me i do try to appeal to the mature women but my living situation there doesnt seem to be any around.
You may know what apprenticeships are like they need you working where ever you are demanded until you are fully qualified, which is another 2 years away.
I have put serious thought into and i know you may say ah but your young just wait but i have been waiting for so long now.
Maybe my quids in and the women of my dreams will bump into me but until then im just seeking any advice i can get just to help me from beating myself up all the time.
everybody at some point all ways feels down when there alone no one to share with no to be intimate with on a talkative plain.
what am i doing wrong?
i dont think theres anything wrong at all with as you say, wanting to settle down, consider marriage and raise a family at all, i do however think your expectations of a woman raising your children and so many of them as you say you want 12?? if a man said that to me id run a mile, i have one child my self and 12 of them, oh my god, no way haha just trying to b as honest with you as i can on 'my own' view, i think its vey sweet that you want a family and to be a dedicated family man while on the other hand children need there daddies hun, i dont think its fair on any child although there are so many broken families out there no, mine being one of thm, that it would be fair to have a child let alone 12 knowing your not going to be there alot, and huge stress on a mother bringing children up on her own, dont you want to play a bigger role in any childs life you may bring into this world? my son sees his dad at a weekend and even i dont think this is actually enough, its nice that you want to provide and look after them financially but kids especially need alot more than that, i think any girl would be lucky to have a man whos obviously got his head screwed on and wants to take care of her, but and this is just my opinion, i do think you may be expecting abit much from this lady who ever she may be x
i know its asking a bit much but that plan is not from the go and i wouldn't introduce myself as hey i want 12 kids lol. Thats the big picture.
The job i am aiming to do yes ill be offshore but its the best experience to have on your CV. Once i have the experience and titled engineer hopefully i wont be away as much as i would when i qualify.
I guess what im trying to sum up is that i want a women someone who appreciates me and i do her.
But i think about it so much it has become an obsession in a manner of speeking.
I wont let anyone to close to me just because i know she isnt the one.
I want someone i can make happy for the rest of there days.
Honestly I don't think your gonna have a problem. You seem like a genuinely nice guy and without sounding like a giant cliche once you chill out and start thinking that its gonna happen for you i think it will...and im not just a pathetic romantic, i prefer hopeful. And try to give the girls you date a chance..its hard dating, for girls too, it may take a little more than 2-3 dates before she really starts being herself. Good luck and just cause i can;t help myself...12? really? dear god your gonna be busy
"in a perfect world you wold want a perfect wife" with that attitude you will be single forever forever.
My sister looks like a barbie doll (very cute) and she is looking for mr.perfect and she is single for many years.
i think you should give a girl a chance and not be so judgmental.
or if your dating a certain type of women, maybe you should try a different type.
im in the same situation as you are. also 'searching for love' obsessed. really dont know how to handle myself; the thoughts of finding someone to love interfere with everything i do: job, shopping, visiting family & friends, housework, studying, EVERYTHING. same as you, im beating myself to death. im exhausted. ive done many things to meet new people: joined internet dating, voluntereed in the animals shelter, martial arts, hiking etc. still single. im 28 by the way, not bad looking , college graduate, good job. all my friends have found their soulmates but no matter what i do i just dont seem to be lucky. im so worried that love is not meant for me. i need an advice what to do to stop being so worried and simply enjoy the life the way it is