Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum - im in an abusive and controlling relationship please help!

iv been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now and at first he was all sweet and innocent i felt as if he was too good for me. then after a while he started losing his temper with me over silly things and would bring up previous boyfriends etc. he would call me very horrible names and make me cry on a constant basis. he made me lose touch with all my friends and controlled everything i did. i tried to get away but would miss him and end up forgiving him when he's say sorry and that he doesent know what got into him. he has also said very mean things about my family who he doesent even know! iv been there for him through thick and thin and he is just throwing it all back in my face now and saying i havnt been there for him etc. and last night i told him i have had enough and as expected he called me swearing at me calling me the most horrible names and accusing me of having someone else. he then called me a while later after i kept ignoring him, i thought he'd try and apologise as usual and this time i wasn't going to give in but he had something different in store for me.. he said he doesen't love me anymore and that i dont mean anything to him and that he doesent care about me and that i should go and find someone new. he would never say that normally. he even said i wouldnt care if died tomorow.. i dont know what do now i sat up all night crying my heart out. i was already upset that he'd said all those mean things to me and now he's just done this. im really confused as i was going to leave him i know it would have been hard but now its even harder because he is leaving me and walking away thinking im to blame!

Replies(9)

W0LF

replied on September 26th, 2009

Extremely eHealthy (online)

Stop worrying about what a guy who calls you those horrid things thinks about you. Change your phone number and erase his, stop having contact with a man that makes you feel like this. If he comes to your home don't communicate with him, and move. As long as you continue to return to him you are endorsing his abusive behavior and encouraging him to escalate the abuse in your relationship. Once you have dealt with removing him from your life get professional help dealing with the abuse you have survived so that you won't have a repeat of this relationship with the next man you fall in love with.

shima90

replied on September 27th, 2009

New User

thanks a lot for the advise. what you say is very true, i have tried those things but my parents dont know about him and he'l ruin my life even more as he knows my relationship with my parents is important as i'll have nowhere to go if they decieve them.. and ur right i do want to go counselling and have also asked my partner to go with me in the past,he did agree at the time and also admitted he had a problem and needed help but now again he is in denial..

J3nnyuk

replied on September 28th, 2009

Moderator

hi shima90, am so sorry to hear that you are hurting because at some point in our lives we have all been there, i know i have, i went through the exact same thing and belive me when i say they never change, no matter what you do for them they will always find an excuse for there behavior and it is much easier blaming you for there actions. i know it will be upsetting and hard for you to understand right now because you love this man so much and you cant see that you have done nothing wrong, you think well i must be making him like that but you need to understand its not you its him honey. the sooner your seperated from him the better hun really your suppose to be with someone who treats you with repect and by the sounds of your post he has none for himself or you so your better away from it. good luck hun jenny

rave7278

replied on September 28th, 2009

New User

Advise

i was in a abusive relationship for 2 yrs mental and physical. Don't let him fool you he will not change as much as he says he will. I know you hope for him to change and you hope the love you give him will change him, but it wont. If he really wanted the help he would have gone already, the longer you stay with him the more you will be hurt emotionally, your gonna have to try to get out when you can, but try not to do it alone get someone to help you for your own safety.. just my 2 cents and good luck to you.

shima90

replied on September 29th, 2009

New User

thank you both jenny and rave, what you've both said is very true. i do keep thinking he will change, but the more i try to change him im just changing myself.. its gone so far that iv even had to see a counsellor as my doctor is concerned. i really do find the strength to leave im sometimes but then he just plays mind games with me and start to think what will i do without him? and other times he just threatens me saying 'watch what i'll do if you really leave me' and jenny your right he doesent have any respect for me or for himself, i just hope i can get out of this mess safely...

J3nnyuk

replied on September 29th, 2009

Moderator

i hope you do to hunni i think you should seek help from the people who are close to you and then if he threatens you again go to the police and tell them all about it they will help keep you safe hun, if i can help anymore feel free to message me jenny

cheeky123

replied on October 22nd, 2009

New User

hi can you let me know the outcome as i went through the exact thing only a matter of weeks ago would love to speak to you as i have felt so alone please ?? Sad

mabilee

replied on November 3rd, 2009

New User

Do not engage him. Do not call him back. If he calls, do not respond. He uses your past against you, even when you've done nothing wrong. He seems like an emotional child. You said he makes you cry on a constant basis and "loses his temper." Once those things become a pattern, you are looking at emotional abuse. Look it up. Guys like this don't change. It's already been 2 years. I know from experience, as I married someone like this. Do not make the same mistake I did. His favorite thing in life is to control you, your feelings, play on your weaknesses. Next time he reaches out to you (and he will) don't give him the satisfaction of talking to him. If you by chance do, tell him what does he want now? He is the one who said he didn't love you. End it.

Also, the fact that he told you "leave me and see what I'll do" is a huge red flag. Don't underestimate this creep.

Pocahontas848

replied on November 12th, 2009

New User

I had a boyfriend like this, only problem was, I had moved into his family a year ago because I deal with abuse at home. But when he started abusing me, not only was I used to it, I still loved him. And when he pushed too far, his mom sent me home. She blamed my background of being abused for his control and anger issues. I swear to god I dont know how she blamed me for that, I am shy and loving. I hate conflict and I thrive on respect and quality.
Anyways, I was in a pretty deep hole when I got home, not only was I back home, but I still loved him, after all he put me through. I lost over a thousand dollars trying to keep him happy with food and videogames, I lost my ambitions for a career, and was planning on quitting school because he brought my confidence down to such a low level; He made me quit music. I've written 13 albums and over a million songs since the day I started writing as a child. I thought complying to a status he wanted was enough to make the both of us happy.
Months later I slowly get back to who I used to be before he constantly changed me. Trust me, even I saw it was the best thing that could Ever have happend. I look back and wonder how did I even put up with his attitude and regulations?
Trust me, you sound sweet, dont let a man walk all over you like that ever again. Break it off, find yourself, allow months to get over him. You'll be doing yourself a HUGE favor. Polish yourself by being you so the next man in line can admire you the way you deserve!

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