i love him so much.

for four years i had to strive for you, to love you, to keep in all my hurt feelings, to hide all the scars on my arm... to just finally wait to become yours. after the four years, you finally asked me out and told me you love me. i felt like a million bucks, i felt i can do anything now and that all my pain i had to go through was gone. ha, i thought wrong. I'm not even sure if you still love me, you still want me. you don't even give a ****.

i sit there, with you and surrounded with all your friends. to tell you the truth, i only wanted to be with you, to spend time with you. but... i cant tell you that, i only want you to be happy. i sit there, wanting to talk to you as i open my mouth to speak, but all you do is ignore me.

i try to catch up to you, you are tall and beautiful and I'm short and average. i call for you but all you do is turn around and walk... leaving me behind, alone.

finally, your friends leave. you turn to me and smile and i touch you hand. you turn hearing you name being called and your friends return and you pulling your arms away from my grasp. you, turn...leaving me alone, again.

when i had to leave you ask me, "did you have fun? " and put on your most beautiful smile. i smile and say "i loved it ." and turn to quickly hide my tears and wipe them away. and i run, to run from my lies i have to give.

we go for walks and we meet up with some friends...even my friends. your shirt was stuck in your back pocket. i reach to fix it and what you say... " DON'T TOUCH ME" . i look at you, with shock. it was like some just stabbed me with a knife and kept digging it further down. i turn so you don't see my hurt face and i was somehow strong enough to laugh it out, it felt like every laugh it did, someone just kept punching me. you walk ahead like before, i call for you, but you turn and ignore me.

i endured all the pain and i finally confront you. to tell you how i feel, to kept a healthy relationship. little did i know, you don't even care. you are only saying, " is that it ? is that the problem? " ha, but i still had to lie, saying i was alright. saying I'm not crying. and I'm alright with it and telling you to forget about it. i finally realized...you aren't the same person i fell in love with.

now here i am, tell you my story about the boy i love the most. my face is hot and wet. no, its not from the hot summer day. there my hot tear dripping down my cheek each word i type, i love you .

Note: yeah, he did this to me . now i don't know what to do .