Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum - I want to leave my boyfriend but afraid he will hurt me if I do

I am so fed up with my hot tempered, controlling boyfriend. He is very controlling and does not allow me to do certain things like have guy friends, have a MySpace page or dress sexy. He is a hyprocrite because he has MySpace and flirts with women online all the time behind my back and has a female friend whom he flirts with also. He puts me down all the time but when it comes to his female friend, he tells her how pretty she is. I don't know what to do. I tried to break up with him 3 times already and somehow he manages to get me back. His temper is getting worse. I know eventually he will beat me someday. I want to get out but I am scared of what he will do due to his anger. I am scared for my life. People think its easy to leave but its not. He knows where I live and where I go to school. He can easily stalk me after we break up and hurt me out of anger. People tell me to get a restraining order. Its not that simple either. What happen he attacks me out of nowhere and I don't have a chance to call the cops. I am so lost and feel so alone. I am too ashamed to tell anyone about this. I never was a weak person. I don't even know who I am anymore Sad

Replies(13)

michianderson

replied on March 15th, 2009

Experienced User

i have been through the same thing. he probably has you feeling that you are worthless and ugly and anything else he can say to you to make you feel like nothing. that's the way he has control over you. if you didn't think those things he wouldn't have control over you. you have to walk away from this situation before he physically hurts you. thank god he hasn't done that yet. there are hotlines you can contact for help and centers you can go to. i ended up getting a restraining order. he never again came near me but called and he was thrown in jail.

J3nnyuk

replied on March 16th, 2009

Moderator

Hey...sorry to hear about your problem...Men who are like this are just trying to control you..because if they put you down tell you your fat, ugly etc and that you cant get another boyfriend all stuff like this it is going to make you think well it must be true because he says it is! this is not true at all but this is what he wants you to think so you put up with his anger/controlling ways...Don't please because once he knows that he can get away with it he will do it all the time and when it does happen he will try and justify it by telling you it was your fault and you made him angry so you begin to think yeah it's me i am making him angry so you end up saying sorry to him even tho its not your fault...My advice would now to be talk to a family member who can help you leave him while you can...Good luck hun and keep us posted....Jenny x

diamondsz

replied on March 18th, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

hun not to be harsh here but you have two choices, one is being a person again and the other one is being beaten.

If you go to a woman shelter, they could assist you, provide you with necessary information and provide you a safe environment.

If you don't leave it will only escalate, it doesn't sound easy because you are afraid and it is all the more power to him. This is something you have to want, do you want to be free, you should never feel controlled in a healthy relationship.

harmony1

replied on March 23rd, 2009

Supporter

Once you leave him he loses power. have a think about what i just wrote..
ONCE YOU LEAVE HIM HE HAS NO POWER.
I speak from experience.
At home you're safe with your parents. this guy has been with you and intimidated you but can you honestly see your parents or your friends being intimidated by him? I'll answer that. NO!
Hun, your family and friends will protect you. My dad would have kicked my boyfriends a** if he hadve come anywhere near my house again. My friends stood up for me and the restaraining order i put on him put an end to all the crap that came along with being with him. It freed me and boy did i feel free. Never again would i let a guy like that in my life again and neither should you.
For your own peace of mind. get family to pick u up from school or go home with friends. You'll see. it'll all work out just fine. get rid of this creep okay. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you.
You'll never look back!
here's to freedom!

res2008

replied on March 23rd, 2009

New User

so sorry to hear the above i had a ex who contolled who i seen how i dressed and what i could eat i lived in this reltionship 5 years untill i woke up and realised this cannot be my life forever. u need to talk to someone and get help u deserve much more Smile

cwil03

replied on April 4th, 2009

New User

so wrong

Be a child of the living GOD! pray for a better being in this BF, ask if it is his will that you stay or let him go. Do not take anyones advice that says you should or need to let them go. Moses the one that murdered a man was still a friend to GOD himself. Jacob was a trickster but he was of GODS heart. David who was just a boy so as the people said rose to become a wise king. The desciples of christ were at times unwielding to women but grew to understand that GODs grace is enough for the whole world. Answer: therefore do not allow man to place a further bad seed in your mind... be wise read the book of wisdom, love unconditionally, and maby your hurt will be seen by the young man I pray that he sees the hurt he has caused you. I ask you this only.. when he does do not turn him aside may GOD deal with you in his love.

ServiceU

replied on May 4th, 2009

Supporter

you can get a restraining order & if he comes near you even if he hurts you, you can call the police to have him arrested. maybe he needs the cops to come to his house with that letter telling him to stay away from you for him to wake up.
i understand how you feel i went through this with my dad. there was a protection order and he came around once and my mom was too scared to call the police.
but you have to do this.
make sure you keep a cell phone on you so you can call the cops.

kdlee

replied on May 31st, 2009

Supporter

Hon I agree with Service u..don't allow things to worsen..

ServiceU

replied on May 31st, 2009

Supporter

cwilo3,
what is your problem!
i am a christian and there's nothing wrong with telling her to advice her b/f to get help.

THEY ARE NOT MARRIED. there's no where in the bible to tell anyone to uphold a b/f, g/f relationship, it speaks about how precious marriage is.

that's one good thing about being single and dating......you can walk away if you want.

i've lived with abuse from my dad for 18 years, which effected 5 people (my mom, and siblings) in ways you cant imagine. it even effects out kids.

i got out of a 5 year abusive relationship.
have you ever been abused!

is that the advice you would tell your sister. this women said she is afraid for her life.
she said he is an angry man, would you like m to tell you what anger can escalate to.
i wish you can talk to my siblings and their kids and see what long term abuse does to you.

GwenGwen

replied on May 31st, 2009

New User

Re: so wrong

cwil03 wrote:

I agree fully. She should leave him so as to stop enabling his endless cycle of replacing love with rage. Only then, when he must confront his self/anger instead of blaming her, can he become what God intended.

rudderless

replied on May 31st, 2009

New User

Look at it this way, if you stay chances are very good he WILL hurt you and probably more than once. If you leave chances are you will get away eventually. You have friends, you have family, there are shelters in many areas just for this kind of situation. These places take in women from all walks of life, do not feel they aren't for you if you must turn to them.

Read the other stories here, the happy endings are the ones where the woman left the defective abusing male.

breck08

replied on June 1st, 2009

Supporter

Re: so wrong

cwil03 wrote:

What bible are you reading? David became a king but even God punished him for the way he treated women.

AuntieN

replied on July 28th, 2009

New User

Go to a local DV Crisis Center and ask to speak to an advocate asap. Make an exit plan and find out what you can do to protect yourself.

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