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I want to leave my boyfriend but afraid he will hurt me if I do

I am so fed up with my hot tempered, controlling boyfriend. He is very controlling and does not allow me to do certain things like have guy friends, have a MySpace page or dress sexy. He is a hyprocrite because he has MySpace and flirts with women online all the time behind my back and has a female friend whom he flirts with also. He puts me down all the time but when it comes to his female friend, he tells her how pretty she is. I don't know what to do. I tried to break up with him 3 times already and somehow he manages to get me back. His temper is getting worse. I know eventually he will beat me someday. I want to get out but I am scared of what he will do due to his anger. I am scared for my life. People think its easy to leave but its not. He knows where I live and where I go to school. He can easily stalk me after we break up and hurt me out of anger. People tell me to get a restraining order. Its not that simple either. What happen he attacks me out of nowhere and I don't have a chance to call the cops. I am so lost and feel so alone. I am too ashamed to tell anyone about this. I never was a weak person. I don't even know who I am anymore Sad
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replied March 15th, 2009
Experienced User
i have been through the same thing. he probably has you feeling that you are worthless and ugly and anything else he can say to you to make you feel like nothing. that's the way he has control over you. if you didn't think those things he wouldn't have control over you. you have to walk away from this situation before he physically hurts you. thank god he hasn't done that yet. there are hotlines you can contact for help and centers you can go to. i ended up getting a restraining order. he never again came near me but called and he was thrown in jail.
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replied March 16th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Hey...sorry to hear about your problem...Men who are like this are just trying to control you..because if they put you down tell you your fat, ugly etc and that you cant get another boyfriend all stuff like this it is going to make you think well it must be true because he says it is! this is not true at all but this is what he wants you to think so you put up with his anger/controlling ways...Don't please because once he knows that he can get away with it he will do it all the time and when it does happen he will try and justify it by telling you it was your fault and you made him angry so you begin to think yeah it's me i am making him angry so you end up saying sorry to him even tho its not your fault...My advice would now to be talk to a family member who can help you leave him while you can...Good luck hun and keep us posted....Jenny x
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replied March 18th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
hun not to be harsh here but you have two choices, one is being a person again and the other one is being beaten.

If you go to a woman shelter, they could assist you, provide you with necessary information and provide you a safe environment.


If you don't leave it will only escalate, it doesn't sound easy because you are afraid and it is all the more power to him. This is something you have to want, do you want to be free, you should never feel controlled in a healthy relationship.
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replied March 23rd, 2009
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Once you leave him he loses power. have a think about what i just wrote..
ONCE YOU LEAVE HIM HE HAS NO POWER.
I speak from experience.
At home you're safe with your parents. this guy has been with you and intimidated you but can you honestly see your parents or your friends being intimidated by him? I'll answer that. NO!
Hun, your family and friends will protect you. My dad would have kicked my boyfriends a** if he hadve come anywhere near my house again. My friends stood up for me and the restaraining order i put on him put an end to all the crap that came along with being with him. It freed me and boy did i feel free. Never again would i let a guy like that in my life again and neither should you.
For your own peace of mind. get family to pick u up from school or go home with friends. You'll see. it'll all work out just fine. get rid of this creep okay. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you.
You'll never look back!
here's to freedom!
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replied March 23rd, 2009
so sorry to hear the above i had a ex who contolled who i seen how i dressed and what i could eat i lived in this reltionship 5 years untill i woke up and realised this cannot be my life forever. u need to talk to someone and get help u deserve much more Smile xx
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replied April 4th, 2009
so wrong
Be a child of the living GOD! pray for a better being in this BF, ask if it is his will that you stay or let him go. Do not take anyones advice that says you should or need to let them go. Moses the one that murdered a man was still a friend to GOD himself. Jacob was a trickster but he was of GODS heart. David who was just a boy so as the people said rose to become a wise king. The desciples of christ were at times unwielding to women but grew to understand that GODs grace is enough for the whole world. Answer: therefore do not allow man to place a further bad seed in your mind... be wise read the book of wisdom, love unconditionally, and maby your hurt will be seen by the young man I pray that he sees the hurt he has caused you. I ask you this only.. when he does do not turn him aside may GOD deal with you in his love.
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replied May 4th, 2009
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you can get a restraining order & if he comes near you even if he hurts you, you can call the police to have him arrested. maybe he needs the cops to come to his house with that letter telling him to stay away from you for him to wake up.
i understand how you feel i went through this with my dad. there was a protection order and he came around once and my mom was too scared to call the police.
but you have to do this.
make sure you keep a cell phone on you so you can call the cops.
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replied May 31st, 2009
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Hon I agree with Service u..don't allow things to worsen..
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replied May 31st, 2009
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cwilo3,
what is your problem!
i am a christian and there's nothing wrong with telling her to advice her b/f to get help.

THEY ARE NOT MARRIED. there's no where in the bible to tell anyone to uphold a b/f, g/f relationship, it speaks about how precious marriage is.

that's one good thing about being single and dating......you can walk away if you want.

i've lived with abuse from my dad for 18 years, which effected 5 people (my mom, and siblings) in ways you cant imagine. it even effects out kids.

i got out of a 5 year abusive relationship.
have you ever been abused!

is that the advice you would tell your sister. this women said she is afraid for her life.
she said he is an angry man, would you like m to tell you what anger can escalate to.
i wish you can talk to my siblings and their kids and see what long term abuse does to you.
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replied May 31st, 2009
Re: so wrong
cwil03 wrote:
Be a child of the living GOD! pray for a better being in this BF, ask if it is his will that you stay or let him go. Do not take anyones advice that says you should or need to let them go. Moses the one that murdered a man was still a friend to GOD himself. Jacob was a trickster but he was of GODS heart. David who was just a boy so as the people said rose to become a wise king. The desciples of christ were at times unwielding to women but grew to understand that GODs grace is enough for the whole world. Answer: therefore do not allow man to place a further bad seed in your mind... be wise read the book of wisdom, love unconditionally, and maby your hurt will be seen by the young man I pray that he sees the hurt he has caused you. I ask you this only.. when he does do not turn him aside may GOD deal with you in his love.


I agree fully. She should leave him so as to stop enabling his endless cycle of replacing love with rage. Only then, when he must confront his self/anger instead of blaming her, can he become what God intended.
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replied May 31st, 2009
Look at it this way, if you stay chances are very good he WILL hurt you and probably more than once. If you leave chances are you will get away eventually. You have friends, you have family, there are shelters in many areas just for this kind of situation. These places take in women from all walks of life, do not feel they aren't for you if you must turn to them.

Read the other stories here, the happy endings are the ones where the woman left the defective abusing male.
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replied June 1st, 2009
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Re: so wrong
cwil03 wrote:
Be a child of the living GOD! pray for a better being in this BF, ask if it is his will that you stay or let him go. Do not take anyones advice that says you should or need to let them go. Moses the one that murdered a man was still a friend to GOD himself. Jacob was a trickster but he was of GODS heart. David who was just a boy so as the people said rose to become a wise king. The desciples of christ were at times unwielding to women but grew to understand that GODs grace is enough for the whole world. Answer: therefore do not allow man to place a further bad seed in your mind... be wise read the book of wisdom, love unconditionally, and maby your hurt will be seen by the young man I pray that he sees the hurt he has caused you. I ask you this only.. when he does do not turn him aside may GOD deal with you in his love.



looking What bible are you reading? David became a king but even God punished him for the way he treated women.
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replied July 28th, 2009
Go to a local DV Crisis Center and ask to speak to an advocate asap. Make an exit plan and find out what you can do to protect yourself.
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replied November 8th, 2010
I'm also a christian and I love god, God can makes things better, but advice from people who truley love you is good asking god for help is not a bad idea but honey I tell you in order for you boyfriend to change he needs to want to change, at the moment My boyfriend and I are separating god has shown me that what is going on is wrong, my boyfriend can be nice and loving as long as i do what he says, that is not right! my boyfriends calls me names when he is mad, has a very bad anger issue and has controlled my life from my friends to even family memebers, he is always mad and yelling at me and at my kids and he also threatens me with alot of things that are scary, after 3 years of hoping and praying he has gotten worse, I understand your pain, I have finally realized after 3 years that this is not right, girl I love him with all my heart and we have to beautiful; children togethger but, I know that what he is doing is wrong, it has effected me to the point that i am always stressed out, i even have illnesses from my stress girl i tell you i know what it feels like to live in fear it WILL get the best of you,DO NOT LET IT GET THAT FAR, LEAVE him before it is to late.
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replied November 9th, 2012
scared to leave my boyfriend.. help
My boyfriend has complete control over me and makes me feel worthless. I honestly am so scared i feel as if im a no body anymore. He wont let me go to college he wont let me get a job. We have one car and its mine but i cant trust him alone with our son. Everyday he asks me who im texting who im talking to what im doing where ill be while he is working. I cant take it anymore!!!!! How do i get a restraining order? i dont know what to do cause we have a 8 month old together and scared what will happen if i leave him, and scared for my sons and my own life...please help me..
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