I want to change my path

I'm 42 years old and have had numerous relationships with a few things in common. I cannot ever seem to find a comfortable place. A place where I am secure with the relationship. I have realized this is something inside me. It's not the relationship or the man I am involved with. Once I feel that he is secure and knowing I still am not, I tend to take steps (unknowingly) to destroy the relationship. I want a life partner so I know I have to stop this cycle. I am searching for help in becoming more secure with ME. I think this is the key but any suggestions are welcome.

I worry myself to death when we aren't together. When I don't know where he is or what he's doing. I do know without a doubt that he loves me and I believe I do trust him. This worry always seems to come as anger to him. He ends up shutting down and not talking about it. I'm the type that likes to talk about things so this is extremely hard but I find the strength the wait. Once we start talking again, it's always the same. He is worried that we are going down a familiar path. We need to change that path and I believe it starts with me. How do I control these feelings and start to feel secure again? There is much more to the situation but I don't want to bore you.

I would love to find a good book or audio book to help me with my own security issues. Anyone know of one?