So I get it. A lot of girls get pregnant and don't want to be. But I do. I envy those girls. Honestly I'm going to tell you my story. But instead of lectures I need guidance. Clarification.
I'm not one of those girls who's looking for a baby they can dress and show off to others. Although that can be a perkto having a baby i want one to cherish to love. To call my own. I want one to experience birth and to know what it feels like to be the one to say this is my baby and I love him/her.
Ok let me be clear. I know that me wanting a baby is a selfish thing. I've looked at plenty of forums who have people saying the same things I am. But only one reply got to me. It was the reply that had said think about what a better life your child could have if you wait until you can support it. You see I don't expect my mom and dad to take care of my baby! Actually that's the least thing I would want! But reality kicks in and I realize I would be depending on them more than I want. I would need them for the car and for foodfor the baby and clothes and everything. I'm sure friends and family would gladly provide me with things I need but I think about it and I would to do it myself!
Telling my parents would be the easiest of it. My family is known to love kids and babies, so my dad won't really mind. My mom on the other hand grew up raising her 3 younger siblings and was a product of a teen pregnancy. She's not a kid person and never really got the whole motherhood thing. Although she loves babies she wouldn't want to raise one.
I guess you could say my problem is that I want a family a baby and husband. But I wish I was old enough to do it. I'm only thirteen and my patience is slowly wearing down. I don't want to do something stupid especially when Ive already made the decision to be in a religion that doesn't believe in premarital sex. I just can't help myself.
My aunt had a baby June 2nd and he's adorable! I love him to death and everyone recognizes me as his third mommy ( aside from his mom and my grandma) or her nanny or her o'paire or something. I've been with him since day one! Even when I'm not with him I remember the last time her eat his sleep pattern and I think " oh he will be eating in an hour". My friend thinks it's cuts how interested I am in babies and I'm afraid to tell her why. My mom doesn't think I can handle a baby and still thinks I'm learning. I know that baby like the back of my hand! I'm solo good with him and any other babies! I can soothe him when he cries and I know when and how to change him.
Ok so one last thing I have to adress. Birth. I have watched every documentary I can get my hands on! I've looked up things I've even created some fake baby registries and planned out how and where I would birth. I figured a home birth since you can bond more with your baby and believe it or not it's a lower infant mortality rate than hospitals have. It also costs less. I want to feel the pain! I want the experience and the rush of oxytocin that you get after a baby is born.
I want a baby but this is me talking and ranting trying to get myself out of it! I want one. But I know how much pressure and expensive they are. I don't have a car, or a job, or even a boyfriend, or money saved up. I have a plan but not financially. If you think I'm not as obsessed as I seem then ask for my registry names for babiesrus.com
Please help me. Don't lecture just be kind and guide me because I'm having the worst internal battle possible. MotherNature/mother instincts vs. Reality.
Saving 
