I have been completely alone for about 13 years now. No wife, girlfriend or anyone else. No physical or emotional closeness whatsoever. It's very depressing, and the worst part is knowing it can never be any diffrent, for several reasons. Really I've been this way for most of my life and to some degree I've gotten use to it. I really do love women very much, it's just that they treat me like I don't even exist. So I gave up on them. End of story.
Thanks for the positive responce, but you don't know the whole story. If you did you'd agree with me that my situation is hopeless. But to be honest, this is the 1st time I've ever spoken about it, and it does make me feel a bit better. I'm not bitter about life at all, and I normally don't complain. I am just extreamly lonely and can't fix the situation, just endure and deal with it. That's the best I can hope for and it's not very good.
Lorenzb, I know exactly how you feel as I'm in the exact same situation. I've never been able to connect with women through my entire life due to many factors. Like you, I've just given up and focused on career and myself basically. It's tough and it makes life seem kinda meaningless, but there's nothing I can do to change who I am.
Thanks for the reply. I'm at the age now (57) where sex isn't very important anymore. So that part of it has sort of been resolved. I would like to have a female friend/companion, but the chances of that are just about nill, so I've learned to deal with it. I have been married twice and had another relationship with a beautiful woman I adored, but they all ended in complete disaster. I recently had to have physical therapy on my shoulder, and it was done by this very lovely 25 year old girl. It was the 1st physical contact I'd had with a female in over 10 years, and it had a profound effect on me. I wanted her so badly, but of course I knew that was impossible. She did make me feel alive for the 1st time in years. She had that sweet/nice girl quality to her persona too. I'll always remember her. I was off of work for 3 months and was getting very depressed, and now that I'm back on the job I'm feeling better. However, I really hate it when I'm around women, and get the feeling from them that I may as well not even exist. I have SO many factors that preclude me from having a relationship again, that the only pragmatic option is to not even try. Any one of about 5 problems I have would be a deal breaker, but when you consider the whole combined package, hopeless dosen't begin to sum it up. I try to be positive, but when your deprived of even the most basic of human needs, for decades on end, it can be very depressing. Please write back and tell me more about yourself and your situation.
Listen people. What's really rough is when you have a chronic anxiety disorder, that goes on and on for decades. And everything you try to do to resolve it fails. Having any kind of a support system would help, but no cigar there either. As well as having no woman in my life, my entire family is dead. Women can be very cold-blooded. I know it's not PC to talk like that, but it's true. I've been rejected so many times, it would be difficult to add them up. You just get to the point where you don't want to feel the rejection anymore, so you stop trying. Then you must resolve be all things to yourself and provide all your own needs. As a result you become selfish and self absorbed. Also your emotions shut down and you feel dead inside. It's horrible to have a heart full of love that you want to give, and no one wants it. That can make you resentful too. Then to lose someone you love is like having your heart ripped out of your chest. You can miss someone so badly you feel like you have a hole in your chest. No matter though, even if the dispare seems overwhelming, someday it will end. Death will release you from it. I just hate to think of dying alone. I know what kind of happiness a relationship can bring. But whoever said: "it's better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all", obviously never loved and lost. Peace.
I want to hug you. hon if you ever need or just want someone to talk to feel free to message me on here if ya want. I'm not online every day but will always reply with advice and a pick-me-up when I can this female for one wants you to know that even though it seems hopeless, time makes things better...and yeah it can drag on but hey the power of positive thinking is incredible. I didn't think I'd find anyone after my gf and I split by I have and I couldn't be happier
Art helps. Any art would help you. Who knows what you could accomplish actually, the possibilities are almost endless with people when it comes to that.
Did you stop learning? That tends to be a huge problem down here, never stop learning, it makes people stale, they think that that is all that there is and they just stop, and then they get stale like a freaking crotoun.
Can you remember back when you were still young, what did you want to do, what really spoke to you, everybody has something, try doing that for awhile at least.
And regrow your imagination, you seem to have lost it.
Everybody dies alone and it's likley before you pass you'll be so hopped on pain meds you won't know whats going on.
I can understand the whole giving up on women thing, I recently did myself. I would suggest visiting another country if your budget will allow to distract you from the issues your facing.
I know how you feel, to a degree, Lorenzb. I am only 25 so I don't want to give up but every woman seems the same. Cold, manipulative, selfish. Even their good side seems reserved for selection, they'll give it and take it away based on how interested they are in you. If you aren't giving them a stupid list of false needs and desires to be met, they'll withdraw, put you at arms length. They "manage" you, as if a relationship on any level should be that way.
I know that some of what people are suggesting helps, distract, fill time, take that empty time for self improvement and discovery, but what is emphasized when I feel this way is the feeling itself. The core issue won't necessarily be resolved. I at least half agree with their suggestions though, be well and peace be with you..
I've loved, I've lost, and I know I'm better for it. It may be hard to get perspective when the loss seems all consuming, but try to remember how it was before you ever had any encounters with a woman and try to imagine how you'd be now if you had continued on like that. When we think to ourselves about how we'd be better off if we had never met that person who hurt us, we generally make the assumption that in the alternate universe where we never did we'd somehow still have the knowledge and understanding we had gained from that hurtful relationship. It's like how they say youth is wasted on the young because older and wiser people wish they could go through youth over again while already knowing what they could only possibly know by going through youth the first time. I know I wish that.
So anyway, what are these 5 things that you think are deal breakers?
Well, I'm seriously overweight, but I have changed my lifestyle, and over the last 5 months I've lost about 30#. If I stick with it in about another year I'll be a decent weight. I have a cronic anxiety disorder(from hell) and depression, which is not easy for others to live with. I have cronic ED, but Viagra may help that. I just haven't had an oppertunity to find out. I'm not a kid anymore (58)but I look younger and have all my teeth and hair. Well, it would take a very understanding and tolerante woman to put up with all that. and good luck in finding one. I just found out tonight that my 2nd wife (who I still love very much) that I haven't seen in 8 years, finally lost her mind and has been institutionalized. nice huh? The loneliness and isolation is almost unbearable. Thanks for listening. Peace!
I honestly don't think any of those are deal breakers. I like overweight girls and every girl I've slept with has been overweight. And there's every reason to believe it goes the other way. If some men like chubby women then certainly some women like chubby men. But even if that wasn't the case, you said you're losing weight anyway. The girl I'm with now also has major anxiety and depression. I love her all the more for it. I myself have experienced ED and it is of course humiliating but I just make up for it with my hands and mouth. As for your age, for any age you could be there are plenty of women out there that same age, so it really doesn't matter.
If you change your mind about giving up on women, don't be afraid to try online dating. It's tough because since you're a man it's you who will have to do the searching. But I met the girl I'm with online and we're both very glad it happened. Also perhaps you won't even need to look for dates online. Any sort of friend can help with the loneliness.
Glad you moved on, and so i did, i try to stay busy or find some sort of entertaiment or hubby to keep thinking about them anyways, i am only friendly to them where i work but that is all. I had it with too much getting nowhere with them or that i ever will, dont care much anymore, nope i am not depressed, but at least i am not dealing with all this not succeding thing anymore.