I know my husband has some sort of anger problem, but the biggest problem is that he gets angry over little things, starts yelling so loud that his veins are popping out and spit is flying out of his mouth, and then an hour later, has pretty much no recollection of this. He says hurtful things and then doesn't remember saying them later or brushes it off like I'M blowing it out of proportion. He's also slightly paranoid. Most of these bouts of anger stem from him getting upset because he thinks that I'm calling him an idiot or putting him down. The word "idiot" has never once come out of my mouth, and I know that he has this problem, so I try really hard to not say ANYTHING in even a slightly condescending way, but it's exhausting trying so hard to not offend him.
For example, this morning, (we own a business and I'm the graphic designer) I was contemplating whether or not I wanted to use the same business card design as before or design a new one. He suggested using the old one. Later I decided to make a new one because the old ones looked outdated to me. He FREAKED out and said I always think his ideas are stupid and that "it's his business so he'll do whatever he wants" (meaning he'll continue to use the old business cards. Let me remind you, it's OUR business, we're in it 50/50 and it's registered as a partnership. So why does he freak out and say these things and then pretend like it never happened later?
(BTW - I didn't react to his comment, I never do, I just ignore it and let it slide, or it leads to an even more screaming)
He could be bipolar, or have borderline personality disorder. You could look up the symptoms of both on-line, or at books in the bookstore and see which (if either) sounds more like him. (They have similarities but also differences) What to do about it....its hard to convince someone else they need help, unless they want it or think they need help. I have two daughters with bipolar, and fortunately they both knew they needed help. For right now you need to get support and help for yourself. Learn all you can - there are books, websites and support groups - NAMI is the one I belong to - and possibly some day he will get to the point where he knows he needs help. Best of luck to you!
I read this article and I believe that I am suffering the same as your husband. I am currently seeking help for this issue but I wanted to know (If you are comfortable talking about it) if your husband would generaly consider himsef to be a nice person and if he confided in you about having angry/violent thoughts because I know I do and I think the shame of having these thoughts is hardest to deal with. I dont consider myself to be a bad person, I just have these episodes that need to be adressed....