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I think my husband is bi or gay

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May 28th, 2009
Lets see, how do i start out? First off i have caught my husband on the internet chatting with women.. I have found a few sites that were bi males.. This has not been recent with the websites.. My husband works out of town sometimes, well he comes home tomorrow from being out of town.. He is rooming with a buddy that i think is bi.. The reason i think this buddy is bi is all the text my husband gets from here are gay jokes.. Well yesterday i tried calling my husband and he didnt answer his phone so i tried his buddies number and he didnt answer.. I knew they were in the hotel room. Finally after 15 minutes my husband calls me back and says he was in the shower... He gave me the excuse his buddy didnt know the number so he didnt answer his phone.. But i have called from this number before and he answered... So i became very upset, he told me i was starting crap and he would talk to me later... So he started to hang up on me and i called him a !**@! and hung up.. He called back and told me F--- you! That our marriage is done... We have been married for almost 16 years, we have both done wrong and have gotten thru it.. I love him dearly but am so scared i am the last one to know whats going on... I know i shouldnt have said what i did but my emotions got the best of me.. When i was calling i had the gut feeling of him doing somtething with this guy.. What to do or not to do..I dont have anyone to talk to ..I have asked and he denies, says it is just gross.PLEASE HELP
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JavaMissus
replied May 28th, 2009
Community Volunteer
I think the main thing that you should be concerned about is that if your husband is having sexual relations with another man, would be the disease factor...This is serious...If you have any proof or big questions in your mind, have him wear a condom...How you go about doing this is another problem...

This is something that the two of you must talk through...How you are going to handle it I really don't know...I try to put myself in this position and like you, I would be devastated...One thing I do know, at least it is my opinion, is that a woman can never battle another man for satisfaction in sex with her partner...Man on man will win...

What you said to him is what you felt in your heart...You are probably right...I am sorry but I cannot advise you on something that I know nothing about...I send you all my love and best wishes...

Caroline
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breck08
replied June 2nd, 2009
Supporter
Trust your gut. Thats what women intuition is all about. What you said was said in anger. If you feel you need to apologize then do it. Your husband responded in a defensive attitude. Only you know your husband enough to know the truth. It is hard for anyone to help you with this because we are just reading one side and their are always two sides to a story. For someone to jump in and say yes, your husband is gay do this.......well that would be unjustifiable. Good luck!
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Kodak
replied June 3rd, 2009
Supporter
Wow! 16 yrs. I hope he wouldnt throw it all away so easily on and accusation!?! Obviously you two need to discuss this matter in person and not over the phone for starters.

All I feel u need to do is simply ask him not pressuring him or anything, maybe to get a better response than before. I have a small feeling that he may be hiding something I just dont see the reasoning for such an emotional question. He shouldnt have just ran away like he did.

And with the 2 of u being togethor for so long I know u 2 have went through worse. Just try to talk the matter over, maybe even ask him if a 3some is a good idea and see his reaction to a male or female. (just a suggestion) Using jokingly to see a possible desire with the same sex in some way.
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YANIKAA
replied August 8th, 2011
BI OR GAY
i need alot of help and don`t know what to do Sad we`ve been married only for two months and before married i only have a suspect that my huSBAND IS ATTRACTED TO ANOTHER MEN .... BUT THIS WEEK ME AND MY HUSBAND TALK EVERYTHING ABOUT OUR LIVES BEFORE WE MET... AND HE TOLD ME THAT WHEN HE WAS 13 YRS OLD HE WAS SEXUAL ABUSE FROM HIS UNCLE AND I KNOW HIS UNCLE ... HE IS MARRIED ASWELL AND HAVE 3 CHILDREN!!!!! HE TOLD ME THAT FEW MONTHS BEFORE WE MET HE HAD A SEXUAL INTERCOURES WITH ANOTHER MAN... I TOLD HIM IF HE WAS A GAY OR NOT AND HE TOLD ME NO I`M NOT A GAY...BUT I`M A BISEXUAL,,, I WAS SHOCKED AND DON`T KNOW WHAT TO DO... BUT HE ASURES ME THAT HE LOVES ME VERY MUCH AND IN THESE 10 YRS WE`VE BEEN TOGETHER HE NEVER WENT WITH ANOTHER MEN OR WOMEN! BUT I WAS SO CONFUSED AND WORRIED' IS A BISEXUAL MAN CAN STAY IN MARRIED LIFE HAPPY ONLY WITH ME? IS IT TRUE THAT HE IS BISEXUAL OR HE IS A GAY? AND HE WANT TO STAY WITH ME BECAUSE HE LOVES ME ? PLS HELP MEEEEEEE? I`M SO DEPRESSED
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YANIKAA
replied August 8th, 2011
BI OR GAY
i need alot of help and don`t know what to do Sad we`ve been married only for two months and before married i only have a suspect that my huSBAND IS ATTRACTED TO ANOTHER MEN .... BUT THIS WEEK ME AND MY HUSBAND TALK EVERYTHING ABOUT OUR LIVES BEFORE WE MET... AND HE TOLD ME THAT WHEN HE WAS 13 YRS OLD HE WAS SEXUAL ABUSE FROM HIS UNCLE AND I KNOW HIS UNCLE ... HE IS MARRIED ASWELL AND HAVE 3 CHILDREN!!!!! HE TOLD ME THAT FEW MONTHS BEFORE WE MET HE HAD A SEXUAL INTERCOURES WITH ANOTHER MAN... I TOLD HIM IF HE WAS A GAY OR NOT AND HE TOLD ME NO I`M NOT A GAY...BUT I`M A BISEXUAL,,, I WAS SHOCKED AND DON`T KNOW WHAT TO DO... BUT HE ASURES ME THAT HE LOVES ME VERY MUCH AND IN THESE 10 YRS WE`VE BEEN TOGETHER HE NEVER WENT WITH ANOTHER MEN OR WOMEN! BUT I WAS SO CONFUSED AND WORRIED' IS A BISEXUAL MAN CAN STAY IN MARRIED LIFE HAPPY ONLY WITH ME? IS IT TRUE THAT HE IS BISEXUAL OR HE IS A GAY? AND HE WANT TO STAY WITH ME BECAUSE HE LOVES ME ? PLS HELP MEEEEEEE? I`M SO DEPRESSED
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hulsecat
replied December 6th, 2012
hard to let go
I am going through the same situation. Its very heartbreaking to discover that you are not what your husband desires sexualy. My husband is trying to hide the fact also. I have tryed to encourage him to be truthful in every way imaginable, with no results. Why do they feel they need to lie and hid it... because of guilt and fear. I feel sorry for my husband. It must be such a burden and stressfull to feel they have to hide such a secret. I have choose to free my husband so he can explore his feelings and confusion. I want my JohnJohn to be mentally healthy and happy. I have come to realize that he did not want to hurt my son and I. All his accusations of my infadelity and when he accused me of lusting over other woman; he was telling on himself.
My husband was also violated sexually by his father. It seems alot of sexually confused people are also survivors of sexual abuse.... I find that very interesting.
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wnv1989
replied April 15th, 2013
I need help for one i don't know where to even begin... i have recently found information that leads me to believe my fiancee of five years is gay. he has posted adds on craigslist i logged onto his email and low and behold he had been talking to several mhas e in particular stood out to me. i read the conversation turns out this man has even been to the home we share together along with our two children among other things i also found emails that confirmed they have had sexu relations i confronted him about it in the most calm and understanding way possible and yet he still will not admit it. he tried to make up excuses or be defensive and insist there's nothing going on or has ever went on. i just have so many emotions i dont even know where to begin or how to even address this nightmare!!!! Someone plen ease help
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