Hello everyone, I'm feeling pretty helpless right now. I need a few opinions. I'm wondering if you think my ex boyfriend may be bipolar? He has a brother and sister that have been diagnosed with bipolar as well. How can I fix things? Will he come back?
We have been dating for 3 years now, and have a one year old daughter together. We started dating when i was 17 (i am now 20) He is a year older than me.We were happy, always hanging with friends, partying and just being kids. He was very sweet and was my "knight in shining armor" Then my dad kicked me out of the house so i moved in with him and his parents after only dating 4-5 months. We were happy, always having fun. I didn't graduate high school as a result of this. But i thought he was absolutely perfect and put things i normally cared about to the side. He would cheat on me often ( didn't know it when it was happening) When I would find out he would cry and beg me not to go, said he was so sorry and loved me and that he would never do it again. He was very good with words...Well i was far too forgiving and took him back each and every time. I thought my unconditional love would change things. I thought he could change.. This caused many trust issues with us. So we kept dating, and yes we fought like every couple does but I can't remember it ever being very bad. In the beginning of our relationship he was very interested in trying to fix things, had many different ideas on ways we could try and do things. He genuinely cared.Told me very sweet things, said he never wanted to lose me and was very loving.
Then the summer of 2010 i got pregnant, we were scared but he told me we were strong and would get through it. Said we were going to be together forever anyway. He was very sweet, took very good care of me.
We had our baby girl and things were great. He was a good dad and we were going to dedicate our selves to being the best parents there were. We were going to stick together and raise her together as a couple no matter what. He was very passionate about this. A few months went by and we were new sleep deprived parents. we bickered about small things. But he was becoming less interested in the baby, however i KNOW he loved her with all his heart. He just wasn't really all there. But We rarely saw friends anymore because we had a child and none of our friends were mature enough to understand that so we lost touch with a lot of people, i think this really bothered him. So when our little girl was 3 months old he told me he needed a break after we had a stupid little fight. He said we were still together but were just taking time to do things apart. I was heart broken, so me and our daughter moved back to my parents house for a few days. He hung out and played video games with his friends and acted like a child again... My dad and I got in a huge fight and so i called him and told him I couldn't stay here anymore. He came and got me and our daughter and we went back home. He said he wanted to ease back into the relationship, not being really touchy or lovey. I was hurt but i accepted it. On our computer history he had been looking up tons of porn the whole time we were broken up.
After a few weeks we were back to normal and he said how happy he was that we didn't end up breaking up, and he was so happy that i was back. It was so good to hear, and he became lovey and sweet again. things were pretty good after that. this was in august of 2011
Around December we found out that he has another child with another woman he had cheated on me with from the beginning of our relationship. I was absolutely devastated. He said how scared he was to loose me and insisted that i stay because he loved me so much... guess what i did? I stayed..
In February I found a secret email he had created that contained pornographic images from the internet. They were mostly black women ( I am Caucasian, so i was sad that he was interested in that. it was obviously something i could never be!) there were also pictures of girls from his past that he had sex with, and pictures of my BROTHERS girlfriend. He stole them from his phone when my brother was sleeping at our house one night. YUCK RIGHT?! When I confronted him about all this he told me how he didn't understand why he did it. He had absolutely no answers. He said as messed up as it was that he had never been more in love with me, that he was thinking of propsing to me and how he was going to do it. Of course me wanting to see the good him, gave him another chance..
I had been noticing the past few months that he had been a bit withdrawn and lifeless. Never really wanted to much but watch tv. He did work all day but it still struck me as a bit odd. He told me one day on his way to work he contemplated suicide. He was very depressed about his current acne break out he was having. On his days off he just wanted to sleep the day away. I was very supportive, and told him how much me and our daughter loved him and needed him.
One day were supposed to pick my parents up and take them with us to my brothers prom. He was totally okay with this the night before. But then next morning when he woke up his acne had gotten worse so he said absolutely no way we were going. He just wanted to sit in the house. I was very sad and began to cry, which really agitates him. He snapped and screamed at me and said he was going for a drive. He slammed and through things around and stormed out of the house but never ended up leaving. We ended up going but the rest of the day was very tense. After we had dropped my parents off back at home he told me how sorry he was and how i didn't deserve to be treated that way. and was very sweet and i forgave him. this all took place in late April.
Our daughters first birthday was the first weekend in May, we were having a big party and i was decorating like a nut! He wasn't excited for it at all, and wasn't really into the party. Struck me as being very odd, it was such a proud moment for me!
We had also been applying at different places to rent, we were going to try to rent/buy our own house. This did seem to excite him. We were looking forward to taking the next step in our relationship.We also were talking about marriage and making plans for the future.
Then one night a few weeks ago, he tells me he doesn't think we're right for each other. (THE DAY BEFORE MOTHERS DAY ) he says that he just isn't happy anymore. He had a bad day at work, didn't get the good job he applied for, accidently stepped on our brand new laptop and broke it, and our daughter was screaming at the top of her lungs. Which drives him crazy when she's crabby. He was so emotionless and cold to me. Said he has felt this way for a long time! And that he just thought we were very different people. I cried and cried and cried. I asked over and over what i did wrong, why he was doing this. He said there stone faced with no real answers at all. I had stuck though so many things with him, never left his side and he was doing this to me! He told me he didn't even know if he had ever loved me, and wasn't sure if he even knew what love was! This completely blew my mind. It broke my heart..
His whole family was completely shocked, along with our friends and my family. Many people thought i was joking when i told them what he said.
So the next day i moved me and our daughter into my parents house and we didn't speak for a few days. Meanwhile he was always at the bars, hanging with friends, and trying to hook up with his old flings. (girls much too young for him) trying to be the charming guy that i had met 3 years ago, sweet talking his way and flirting like there was no tomorrow. ( i saw Facebook messages)
Before i knew any of the above by the way he had come to my parents house and had sex with me. (i'm the one that pursued it) Thinking it would draw us closer but no luck, after we were done he was the same cold guy as before.
I went to his house a few days later to get some more of our daughters things and found a used condom on our bed. he threw a 3 year relationship out the window and within a few days already had sex with a new woman!? He was so mean when i confronted him about it. Said it was none of my business and that i needed to stay the eff out of his house.
I went through days where i would try and remind him of our good days and tried to tell him we could work it out. He said there was absolutely NO WAY we would ever be together again. Then days where i was equally as cold to him, and told him i was better off without him. Either way, he still had the cold uncaring attitude. He just didn't want to talk to me about anything, and would get very agitated when I would question him about anything. Even if i was being nice.
I let him take our daughter to his house so his parents could see her one day which went well, and when he dropped her off he was very nice and we talked for an hour or so. (nothing important, just talking about friends and stuff) we laughed and chatted. then the next day he's back to being cold.
He now has a girlfriend, she works with him and she's 30 years old with a three year old girl. My ex is 21. Seems very out of character for him! He stayed with her and her friends at their apartment for a few days ( sleeping in the same bed as her and her 3 year old daughter already ) and then he started staying at home again. but he brought her along too, i felt so replaced and beyond hurt. When i asked if they have sex he bluntly told me yes like it was no big deal.
He took me and our daughter to her 1 year check up yesterday and was very cold. After not seeing her in almost two weeks he was hardley excited to see her. She hardley got excited to see him either. But yet he tells me how much he misses her and he has a lawyer to try and get 50% custody. and he's very upset that i wont let him take her.
We got into a huge fight, and it ended with me screaming that i hated him. He had to leave to go pick up his new girlfriend because her car was broken. I was so mad he cut time with our daughter off for her when he hadnt seen her in almost two weeks!
So when i got home i went on the computer and went through all of his emails and facebook. (VERY WRONG, I KNOW) but i wasn't thinking at the time, i was so full of rage. anyways he obviously found out i changed his passwords so i could get into his accounts and was very very very mad. Told me to go eff some other guy and get over him, i wasn't his anymore and he didn't want or care about me. I apologized and said sorry for invading his privacy.
This morning he said "i understand you're going through a lot. We need to work on getting along better for our daughter at least. talk to you later though."
Sorry that was so long, but what are your opinions???? Will he come back? Does he really like this other woman? We have been broken up a little short of a month..
My Wife is diagnosed as BiPolar and I also know of an ex-colleague who is BiPolar and in both cases there are clear signs leading up to what I call an 'episode'. It begins with tension (specifically an upcoming event or an argument/confrontation at work). In my Wife's case, The 1st Episode was when she was pregnant and preparing for our Wedding and she was constantly being lectured to by her best friend who was helping her with the preparations. The 2nd Episode was when she was being harrassed at work by a Boss.
In both cases, she would get on the phone and repeat the story over and over again to everyone she could think of for days and days (morning through to Night). This led to her becoming withdrawn and Irritable until finally, she would become 'glassy-eyed' (like she was possessed) and exploded into a rage. The rage was followed by very 'odd' behaviour - like thinking I was Saddam Hussain and she made the kids jump out the window of our Bungalow as she thought I had a bomb. Of course, this was ridiculous - but the point I am making is that in my experience, Bi-Polar episodes are usually followed by very peculiar and unfamiliar behaviour.
She also became extremely strong and physically aggressive and literally pulled the window out of the wall with one hand.
In the case of my ex-colleague - not sure what led up to it - but he was found wandering around Town in his Pajamas talking to himself.
No doubt there are different degrees of Bi-Polar but as I say, in my experience the change in a person when they are having an episode is so so different to their normal behaviour it is frightening and they are often unaware of their behaviour afterwards.
I asked my Wife to stop working after her last 'episode' and thank God she has had no further 'episodes' despite the fact that she refused to take any medication.
I was very scared on the first occasion and wondered if I should stay with her or continue getting married as the Doctor said it would never improve however, I made the vows and have stayed with her throughout (and happy that I did).
I have to say from what you say - this guy of yours does not sound Bi-Polar.
You may not want to hear this but it honestly sounds as if your guy is just not mature enough to take on commitment and his cold-shoulder treatment would appear to be his way of trying to drive you away.
I lived with a girlfriend (years before I married) who was very similar - nice at first and then - constantly humiliated me in front of friends etc - They would say to me - 'How do you stand it' - I would say 'Stand What?'.... I was so crazy about her, I refused to see what was in front of me. She cheated on me all the time and I put up with it......
Until, one day I finally woke up - Packed all her belongings and dumped them at her Family's house. I went back the next day and begged her to come back - She Did .... and the cycle started all over again...
The second time I threw her out - it was for good. It Hurt like Hell and I never thought I would 'commit' again....but as the saying goes (and it used to piss me off when people told me) 'time heals' ..... and it did.
You owe it to yourself to have someone who will treat you how you deserve to be treated and I have learned the hard way, that once you have gone your separate ways (even for a short time) - it is unwise to try and rekindle the flame.
Easier said than done, but I would try and forget him as far as a relationship goes...except for his being there for your kids.
When he sees that you have met some who loves you how you should be loved - he may indeed try and win you back but believe me, if you take him back - he will be back to his old tricks after the 'novelty' has worn off.
Good luck to you - I can only advise that the hurt does go away and you will likely find yourself in a much better place in no time.
I know this is a Guy's opinion but when you are crazy about someone, gender tends to fly out the window.
btw.... I have stayed with my Wife throughout and despite the 2 or 3 Bipolar 'Episodes' when he behaviour changes dramatically (for a short time) she is a very sweet and popular person and I have no regrets.
sorry....I think my post is nearly as long as yours
Thank you so much for your opinion and input! I appreciate it!
I'm glad that you're wife seems to have her illness under control now. And good for you for being true to her and staying and being supportive. We need more people like that on this earth!
I am sure that everyone who read this was wondering why the heck is she even with this guy? But when we were good, we were AMAZING. I don't know that I've ever loved somebody so much. How somebody can show you so much love and affection one day but the next be a cold hearted shell of a person? and the need to have so much sex right after he left me? I forgot to mention that he joined a site where you can meet up with local people and have casual sex. it seems to be his main focus right now. he has such bad anger problems and he always took out on me, if you don't think he is bipolar do you have any other ideas? something closely related to bipolar perhaps?
Thanks BrokenWithoutHim , As you have probably seen from other posts - there are certainly different levels of Bi-Polar. My Wife was described as BiPolar with Psychotic Episodes ( as she used to attack people, rip out their ear-rings or necklaces etc )... It is certainly possible that your ex does have a milder form of BiPolar which is limited to mood swings - by the same token - he could just have anger Management issues.
Either way, it would be good to have him diagnosed but I suppose he would feel that there is nothing wrong with him - either in denial or from a macho standpoint?
With my past girlfriend - she had constant mood swings after initially being really sweet - but her behaviour was fairly consistent and she never 'went off her head' as my Wife did during an Episode.
My Girlfriend was very affectionate part of the time but she also constantly had this streak where she liked to humiliate me....strange....but she didn't have Bi-Polar - just Anger and non-commitment issues.
By the way - not to be alarming - I had a cousin who had behaviour similar to your ex and it turned out that he had a brain tumour and dropped down dead in Miami.
What I mean to say, there could be several reasons for you ex's behaviour - from a Mental Health perspective through to simple Anger Management issues. It is impossible to say without a real diagnosis but he would have to have enough concern for himself or you, his family to want to put himself forward to find a resolution.
At the end of the day do you want to go through the rest of your life 'second-guessing' what the problem is?? Sometimes best to leave well alone.
Support him, (as you child's Father) if he shows willing to resolve his issues but make sure he knows that you simply 'do not have to' tolerate unkindness.
If you are talking about the last post - it was an advertisement which (as you see) is being held for review for relativity to the original subject.
If you're talking about the previous post - you might go back to the original subject which is "I think my ex may be bipolar" so the previous post refers to Bi-Polar symptoms....Hope this helps..