It wasn't your standard definition I guess, I wasn't forced, I wasn't drugged. I never said it was ok, I never said yes and you wouldn't let me leave, its not like I would have been able to escape two big older guys anyway. Its not like they took my virginity or even physically hurt me but I've never felt so used, so dirty, so unbelievably not ok in my entire life. Everything fell apart for me that night. I ran back to my dorm at four in the morning and sobbed myself to sleep. i called my mom the next day and told her yet again I wanted to come home, that this school wasn't right for me, that I was depressed again, that I needed her. I went to a party that weekend with my friends and got more drunk than I've ever been, I don't even remember half of what happened. Hours later I was in my room with my friends, we were all talking and laughing but they knew I wasn't ok, I grabbed a pair of scissors and said i was going to the bathroom. I stood in front of the mirror and cut myself until blood dripped onto the tile, then I pulled down the sleeve of my sweatshirt, went back to my friends and we all went to sleep. The next day I didn't talk to anyone, it was like I couldn't. I bought a train ticket, called a cab and left school at 10 pm. I called my parents from the train, told them I was coming home and I needed to be picked up at 4 am. I'm surprised they could understand me I was crying so hard. They picked me up and hugged me and i still didn't feel safe, they asked what was going on but I was too upset to speak coherently, I spent a week in an absolute daze. I showed my mom the cuts on my arm, she helped me clean them up, she bought me long sleeve shirts and sweaters. Out of sight, out of mind. No one asks why I really left school, they assume it was too hard, I was homesick, that I gave up. No one asks what happened to make these fading scars on my arms, no one asks if I'm alright. I'm not. I'm not and these scars make me sick. I feel like I have no one to talk to...
You poor thing, you're in a really difficult place right now. You sound in pain, and confused. However, this doesn't count as rape; it just sounds like you had sex despite not really wanting to. Southernbelle is right, you're regretting what you did, and in your mind it's turning into something far worse than it is, something it's not. It sounds like they didn't use force, and that you didn't pose any strong objection. You should have left the house, or called the police if you felt threatened by their behaviour. Although, I completely understand why you feel "dirty" - you slept with some people who you normally wouldn't, but that's because you were drunk. Don't blame yourself for that. It's no one's "fault", just a mistake loads of people make, but yeah, it's best not to overreact and call it rape. You regret what you did, understandably, but it was on you - it sounds like it wasn't forced.
seek some counselling babe, and try to keep calm. You will recover, I promise!
What Skeety wrote was completly unappropriate! Just reading that made me sick, I am just going to say that karma is worse than his/her bite. And that other post uuuggghhh just disregard it. Who are they to judge you? You say you wern't forced, yet they wouldn't let you leave.Two big older guys. Perhaps it's not up to me to decide weather or not you were raped, or forced, but regardless you were tramatized. I feel for you hon, and I hope you get some help.