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Q: I think I'm gay but don't know

asked by: hello011 on May 13th, 2009

New User

Hi...
I'm 14. I don't want to have these distracting thoughts running through my head all the time. It makes me almost depressed. I think about it daily. I can't get it out of my head. Am I gay? What is wrong with me??? Will this go away? I don't sound gay. I don't like the mall. I don't care about fashion or anything like that. I like girls... But I THINK I am more attracted to guys. It's unbearable for me to even have the thought that I am gay or bi. I only know of one person who is gay, it's my father's cousin... It took me three hours for me to fall asleep last night, I couldn't get the thought out of my head.. So much going through my mind. The men side of my family, they all are straight except for one. But as for the straight ones, they always talk dirty about women like in a sexual way. If I was to say I was gay... I think they wouldn't even accept me. I don't even know how I got the courage to even type this because I feel like one day the words are just going to come out and I really don't want anyone to know inside. I'm so afriad. I don't know what to do or anything. I feel like if I was to come out, I would get so depressed and start to physically hurt myself because I would feel as if I had nothing to live for. You realy wouln't expect that from a person like me. I'm always happy and funny. People always laugh at all the funny things I say. I would be the last person you could expect to be gay. My family would look down on me. I wouldn't even be able to have children if I was gay. (I always wanted to have a family of my own) I'm so confused I... I don't know... Any advice would be greatly appriciated. Thanks...

Replies(8)

Lydia32

replied on May 14th, 2009

Experienced User

Calm down. There is no law that says you have to be gay or straight. You are attracted to both, so you can be with women if you want to. If it turns out that you would rather be with men, that's okay.

The main thing is that none of this is your fault and it doesn't have to be a bad thing, either way. You will be much happier if you are true to yourself. It is possible to be happy being either gay or straight. We live in a more open society than we used to. Anyone who will judge you, that's their problem.

I would recommend going to some support forum websites for people young and sexually confused. Talk to people in your situation. You aren't alone. (Just don't agree to meet with anyone, promise? There might be someone who will take advantage of you, so just talk anonymously.)

Also, don't worry about your family just yet. They may be more understanding than you think. As for children, yes you can have children.

Just don't panic just now. It's going to be okay.

indisguise42

replied on May 14th, 2009

New User

Hey dude, i was just ike you when i was your age. It almost sent me mad, I became a nervous wreck at school and especially in the change room showers, but, you are 14, and thats exactly the problem. your body is going through a change (from boy to man) and your hormones are also developing. i would bet with you that there are many young lads out there who go through the same sort of feelings, but you wont ever hear them talk about it. try not to dwell on it too much and get on with your life as normally as you can. like you said, you THINK you like guys. When i was 14 guys were cool and girls were objects of desire or something to lust over, its easy to take a second look at a guy and mistake a pang of admiration for lust, then spend the rest of the day feeling shameful about what you thought. If those thoughts go unchecked, then next time you think the same thoughts, it becomes a vicious circle, and you end up worrying about it like you seem to be doing.
On the other hand, maybe you are gay and because it is not the 'normal accepted behaviour' you are also getting stressed about it. my advise to you is not to stress over it, but to just get on with your life and try not to dwell on these matters untill you can clear your head and look at the picture with a broader view. whatever you are or decide to be, it is important that you are true to yourself and that you dont end up living a lie, or a double life, because that will give you major stress in later life. just enjoy growing up and be happy that you are healthy and alive. There is plenty of time to sort your head out when you can think more clearly.

Users who thank indisguise42 for this post: hello011

hello011

replied on May 14th, 2009

New User

thank you

you really just changed my whole views, both of you. thank you Smile

ServiceU

replied on May 23rd, 2009

Supporter

this is my experience and my story, it's okay if someone disagrees.

when i was in my early 20's i started to have strong sexual desire for women. i would masturbate and get more excited thinking of women. society excepts female bisexuality more than the opposite. i had one experience, but being raised in religion i would pray "Dear God, i dont understand why i feel this way but i do, i pray that you take the desire away from me"
i heard a gay guy said "that's how God made you" and my personal opinion is we are inperfect, and were suppose to resist temptation. and that's what im doing.
thank you,

diamondsz

replied on May 24th, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

Don't worry too much, stress is really bad for you physically and mentally, I pretty much went through the same thing. At first I really felt bi and as time goes along I'm loosing my attraction to men altogether. People blame it on my environment, personally i'm not attracted to body hair, I'm also not attracted to dominance. I consider myself gender neutral and usually am attracted to the same but its been really hard because people will tell you its not normal. It is not something you can be counselled out of, more of something you need to act on and figure out for yourself.

I'm still bi, I think men look great but I just can't picture myself in a relationship with one anymore...... It has been eternal hell and most people aren't too fond of it, although it is more accepted on the female side, I could just imagine being in your sitiuation.

Good luck

sc_

replied on May 24th, 2009

New User

heeey :D

hello, hell011

hahah Smile

you are totally normal!
im 14 as well, but i am a girl.
im not a lesbian, but i surely am attracted to girls ;D
hahah.
i dont think you should let this bother you at all, im serious. not at all.
im stuck between bi-curious, or really bisexual.
ive had both boy & girl encounters.
no not sex, but what any normal 14 yr old does, make out, the 'bases' you know.

you just have to try it with a guy!
you'll never know until you've tried it.

much loveee :]]]

love melissa.

elgrande

replied on May 31st, 2009

Experienced User

Dont get confused, guys like to hang around with guys, thats normal, and is going to be like that the rest of your life, get involve with girls, and those thought will go away. To have gays thoughts once in a while is normal, now to have sex with guys thats another story. i think you are just growing, dont get involve with any guy, or watch porno and you will be ok, get a girlfriend, a woman is the best you can do to develop your masculine personality, and if you want to have children you need to start get involve with girls. Good luck Duce.

ServiceU

replied on May 31st, 2009

Supporter

wow! nice muscles!

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