I think that I am developing Schizophrenia. I am 16 years old and a boy.
I have been making a list of things over the weeks but I cant dinf it. I will try to remember some of that I put on it. I am one of the smaartest people in Connecticut according to me state standardized thest, I got a 1583/1600. but now I am going crazy,
I kkep making spelling mistakes, you can see, I am tryping slow to avoid not to, I wont change any of them..I cant formulate sentences and keep putting in wrong words, I cannot tell if things are dreams or real, like I wake up or later in the day, and I do not know wheter the thing happened or not. I also imagine things happening, liek one thing Is aw smeeled like chocolate or when at night some bockxes n my bedroom were about to morph and attack me but thy stopped when I yelled, I see laser lights on my second foloor rooms floor and my mom almost stiff armoed me when I was walking but dhe sis not or I see my cat walking and it is not there when I focus on it.
I cannot concentrate, which is affecting my grades and tessts, I am an high honor student, and I got a c in math and I dont care. I dont care about college serarching and im a junior in High school. I cnnot condentrate in class ever I just zone out, but Inam smart enought to do everything on the test andstill get an aplus/ I never study becuse I acnntot do itm I an not dyslexic and nto changing anything in this letter. I am not studying for the SAT even though I need to since the questions are stupid and I cant rely on basic knowledge, there are huge rewards for me if I do well too, from my family.
I dont care about seeing friends, I see them at school, so at home I sit alone allday and do nothing. Now though I avoid my friends too, I go to the bathroom in the morning and stand in a stall for 15 minutes until the bell for class rings. I ddid not want ski lessons because I did not want to meet the instrcuctor.
I forget thigns really fast and even important things like science labs that are due and stuff, like I remember now that I was panning to write this letter for three weeks, four different times, but quickly forgot, even infromt of my computer.
I ave been feeling unstable and have had a lot of vertigo lately, espceilly when its quitert quiet. I type a lot of words twice when I am wrting school papers. I have no emotions at all sometimes, like I dont care about a lot of stuff and I get bored super fast and dont care about stuff I used to like, like im a black belt in taekwondo and hapkido and I am getting more and more uncoordinated and haviung more unbalanced. I find almost nothing fun anymore except coin collecting, but I have spent about 500 dollars on ebay with bill me later, and I have no Idea how I will repay it. on coins. I jave no goals right now, I set some for new yars with my dad but they dont mean anything to me wheter I complete them. I never want to do anything, like play with my younger brother and have never done any drugs and dont drink because I dont go to parties. My emotions dont make sense, they are inappropriate, like I had to not burst out laughing when my mom was crying because she hit her head.
I do a lot of meaningless things like fling my arms around and yell jibberish and go places for no reason. I repeat myself under my breath and dont notice at all when I do it, but my friends say I alswasy do. I replay or create conversations in my head and sometimes dont realize im actually saying them or doing them. I sleep walk sometimes with a lot of evidence like lights on mouthguard out, etc. I am despressed and think about going to school and killing a lot of people like columbine and and am also easily agitated, especially over strange things like poeple crunching food too loud and normaly things. Id ont have a lot of friends, a bunch of friends of friends and poeple who sit atthe lunch table and like 4 close firends. I have a growing lack on insight and fail to see easy things in books and stuff in my honors english so I dont get th e story. I do not understand simple things sometimes, like I dont even know like somthingI am compulsive about the organization of my coin collection and the magazines on ther tble enext to the couch. Sometimes hhae I have though blocking, it is commong but I do not beliebe that people steal my thoughs, I just stop talking and dforget what Iw awas tlalking about.
I have a crush that I have had for 7 months now and am crazy about her but she is too young but hot and popular, she is the only girl I would pursue, and I have a fetish, and I have had numerous girls who are into me but have no interest at all in pursueing the relation ship to a sexual state even though I want to have sex, I would rape someone first, envision myself doing it sometiems I do.
I have made up new words like mediucal tersm like tetaniutus, a combination of diseases. I misread words a lot but am not dyslexic. My teachers always say my papers are good, but sometimes do not answer the thesis or are disjointed, or both.
I am going to stop here, it has been two hours since I started, I am sick of it. I am not changing anything so you get the idea, and I think I can tell I might have it because I do know so much about schizophrenia and it is still early on. All y signs have been worsening over the weeks, extrmely fast, especially me memory.
Tell me whta you think please, I am very secretive and will not see anyone in real life, although I do consider it, I will never do it.
You poor boy. That sounds horrible. You can just go see a regular doctor you know, most doctors can prescribe any kind of medication a psychiatrist can. That may be more comfortable for you. Try doing a google search on your symptoms. It is from a medical site, and Parkinson's Disease for young adults came up. It is a neurological illness. It could also be a chemical imbalance, but only a doctor would know. How is your diet? Are you eating right? You can also switch to organic foods, eat more vegetables, take vitamins, and avoid tap water (because of the chemicals in it), but I think you need to see a doctor. Just make an appointment.