I have been in a relationship with the most amazing man for 2 years. He has treated me like a princess. When things are good we are the happiest people on earth and when things are bad they are very bad. I really never knew I had a problem as I always thought when I got angry and lashed out at people it was the other persons fault..He says I always twist things.. I have managed to be successful workwise and hold things together in the workplace but my personal life is somewhat of a disaster. When my bf and I first started seeing each other, we were both unhappily married. After the first year he had left his wife, whether for me or not, I dont know, and he says if not for me he wouldve left regardless anyway just might have been later rather than sooner. HIs wife filed for divorce they have a child together. The divorce dragged on for a year and was just recently final and it was very bitter. His ex wife really put him through the ringer. I am in the process of separating from my husband too which hasnt been too fun. Through all of this he has been under extreme stress from the fact he doesnt have primary custody of his child which pains him greatly, he has an incredibly demanding work schedule, the fact that his ex-wife left him basically broke, in debt and moved right along in with another man has all left him an emotional wreck...he is a mess himself and he has had to deal with me which I think has pushed him over the edge...
There are times when I act normal and we are great. Other times the littlest thing he says will set me off and into a pattern sometimes for several days where I lash out and him over and over,. tell him F U, I hate you, I never wanna see you again, we are done etc. It could be something totally ridiculous like him telling me he had plans to go to a sporting event with a friend I will FLIP out because he isnt with me or when I talk on the phone on my bluetooth he has trouble hearing me sometimes and he will constantly say I cant hear you. It will agitate me to an EXTREME and I will just wind up hanging up on him which of course starts a fight...I feel like I go into rapid cycles like I will be normal a couple weeks, freak out, then depressed...I am so insecure and he has shown and told me he loves me more than he has ever loved anyone and I did believe him. Well I am not so sure now but maybe I am just being paranoid. After my period of being a complete and total witch I will snap out of it, realize what I did and how much I hurt him and then I will be a depressed sobbing mess, sometimes it lasts a few hours, sometimes days. When I am irritable I tend to not sleep..I can go for days with a couple hours sleep and still not feel tired. Other times I just feel exhausted. I havent for the past week and a half gotten much sleep. I have been getting up after 2 hours sleep for days and in work at 5 in the morning and I dont have to be in till 8. I will come home late at night after working all day and still I feel wired. I take sleeping pills and they dont even work. I have trouble constantly concentrating at work when I am nuts and my mind races from one thought to another...
My main concern is my bf. We had a bitter fight that started last week which I started. It went on for days where I just treated him badly. I was in an irritable aggressive mood and I am under a lot of stress...My parents both just recently passed away within a month of each other and I have been locked in an estate battle for the past 5 months which has taken its toll on me...I snapped out of it I realized the things I have said and the way I have acted. I told him I never wanted to see him again and called him a liar and heaven knows what else. I have done this on and off every few weeks pretty much since the beginning I dont know whats wrong with me...I have been treated in the past for depression but the meds never worked on me. My most recent treatment ended about 9 months ago and the doc also had me on a mood stabalizer as well (lamictal then topamax) but I stopped taking them due to side effects. The doc never actually told me what was wrong with me..Am I bipolar? I started this week back in therapy and cant get in to see they psy doc for 3 more weeks and am in such a state I feel almost suicidal
In the meantime my bf has had enough of me (I cant blame him really) and I think with all going on in his life and the way I have acted has pushed him over the edge. I finally admitted to him and myself I know I have a problem and think I am bipolar and he agrees. I have apologized up and down but he keeps saying he needs time to sort out his life and get himself in a better place mentally and every other possible way before he can move forward. He stopped calling me, barely texts me and basically ignores me now and this has sent me into a deep depression..I cant eat, sleep focus on anything and want to die. He said he suspected for quite a while now I was bipolar but he never told me because he didnt want to upset me and was in fear of my reaction. He says he always has to walk on eggshells never knowing what my mood will be... I told him how much I love him and that I am going to get help but it seems like he just wants nothing to do with me. I thought if he loved me as much as he always said for the past two years how can he walk away from me when I need him the most? Am I bipolar? I think I must be...WHat can I do to make this right or is there no hope? I dont know what to think. Without him I know I wont be able to make it...I need him and love him more than anything. I just need help. I just dont understand if you love someone like he said he loved me how he can leave me like this when I am a wreck. I know he has his own issues, I and everything else have driven him into counseling now. I just dont know what to do now. I feel like I lost my best friend and I have suffered so much loss already in such a short time I really am having time coping with life. Thanks for listening..
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