Medical Questions > Mental Health > Depression Forum

I stopped caring (this is a long one)

Must Read
Do you know how doctors define clinical depression? Learn more about this brain disorder and types of depression that doctors diagnose here....
Can depression run in families? Can hormones really make you depressed? Yes! Learn more about causes and conditions of clinical depression here....
People with depressive illnesses do not all experience the same symptoms. Do you know the signs and symptoms of depression? Read on to learn more....
I've lost everything thats ever made me happy. I'm constantly surrounded by people i hate or people that hate me. Nothing ever seems to go right in my life, no matter how hard i work at it. The only person in my family i semi-like is my dad and yet he's had the biggest role in making me not care about...well anything! The only thing i seem to care about, the only thing that worries me, is the fact that i just don't care. And somehow, when i begin to care about something, i always lose the things that make me happy for some stupid reason. Lately I've started going to church because i thought that that might help me. I started getting active in that church, going to youth group and doing community service. My mother told me i can't go to church anymore. My mother told me i can't go to youth group anymore. Wanna know why? Well i have this teacher that gave me a zero on an essay the day grades closed, for got to put the date (my bad!). So yeah...my C+ dropped down to a D+, Which in my house pretty much means i can't have a life. Also i'd started taking up the guitar that week, bought my first guitar, yeah they took that away to. My schools full of a bunch of sluts so most guys look for girls outside of town...so thats what i did, found this beautiful girl that lived maybe 30minutes away from me. Absolutely adored this girl, she liked me to, however her dads a cop and hates me and wont even let her give me a hug! Not that it really matters now...seems i'm always grounded for my grades. When my grades don't turn out right my parents ground me til the next report card...and if in the 4th quarter they don't turn out right i'm grounded the whole summer ^_^ what a fun life i have. It wasn't even until my parents made me move to this hell hole of a place because my dad got a job and had already taken it, without consulting my mother or the family. so yeah we moved all the way across the country for some stupid job, in some house which has bills that cost 2grand a month which makes it hard to buy things we want, and in some town that totally sucks ***. School wouldn't even be that bad if the teachers didn't suck so much. Half the school's failing, a third has straight c's, and i guess the rest of the people are nerds that are actually going somewhere in life. Before i moved i had ideal grades, A's and B's. I actually considered myself happy to! My parents give me everything i could care less about. "Oh why don't we go to six flags?" I hate being at six flags with my family! Most of the time i just leave and go on rides myself for a few hours...fun! I also get blamed for stuff without a second though, "Oh well you normally lie to us!" I haven't even really said much to them for a whole year, let alone lied to them. I mean sure when we first moved here all i did was lie, but then i gave up on that because i really didn't care at all. JUST today people i don't even know that work at this deli asked me if i was alright, you know its bad when strangers actually look worried about you! Especially in this day and age where no really gives crap. I went from sunny and warm to snowy and cold in a matter of days. My dad left me for two years with my mom and my two sisters, my brother got kicked out at age 13 and was sent to live with my grandmother because he really couldn't stand living with this family either. Honestly i just don't think my parents know how to raise a teenage boy. My sisters are perfect! Do you know what its like having a teacher who had your sisters and they got straight A's their entire life! They're both riding on scholarships right now! My Eldest sister got 1 B her entire life...and it was a B+....she started crying when it happened and all i could think was, "What a baby...." Living with them is bad too! They act so smug and superior...even though i'm taller than them and could pretty much tear them in two, but i wouldn't because for some reason i couldn't stand the thought of hating myself along with everything and everyone else. I actually have friends though! A lot of friends, they're chill people who play paint ball, football, guitar, everything! I have no idea why i'm so mad all the time! I'm not even mad about any particular thing at one time! I'm just mad about everything, but at the same time i don't care so i don't do anything about what i'm mad about. OK sure i blow once in awhile, like when these kids sitting around me keep talking and my teacher yelled at me and told me to sit on the far edge of the class room, i just lost it and started yelling at her telling her to check her medication and if she were crazy. I also refused to change seats because i was probably the one person in that class trying to pay attention. I just get so mad when people blame me for something i didn't even do. My mom called me twisted one day when this arched thing got destroyed...of course she blames me...and i wind up getting yelled for it for a half an hour. Later when my dad actually gos out and looks at the thing he figures the wind probably did it...i didn't even get an apology. Guess they thought it was okay to make me feel like crap. Have you ever met those kind of people that just deliberately make you feel like crap? Those are my sisters. They'd deliberately blame me for something, tell my parents, and then i'd get in trouble for it. My parents always take their word. Most of the time i have no idea where those things went. I guess when ever my family misplaces something they automatically think i'm the one who took it...then when someone finds it later on they don't even tell me about it so they don't look like dumb *****. Yeah took me awhile to figure that last one out. My sisters spent maybe $1000 or more on Flutes. I wanted $100 for a guitar, i was paying more than half of it, but they make me work it off. Then i need an amp so they buy it for me, i have to work it off, my dad brought me home a bag of picks one day, thought it was a gift, i have to work it off. My mom bought me a stand, have to work it off. She bought me a bag, which i didn't even want, and i have to work it off (she refused to return it). My sisters didn't have to pay off or work off any instrument they ever were given. My parents wont even let me join band or play on the football team or run in track or cross country with a single high D in my report card. The D's always in science too! I'm always put in level one and my parents refuse to let me lower my level. I just think a lot of their crap make no sense! Its obvious my sisters are loved more than me. Always given money for no reason, always taken out shopping when ever, always given what ever they want or what ever they need. I, however, have to work for everything i get or want. I on the other hand am never handed anything. I guess its the grades! Heck the only thing i don't have to work for would be food and clothing. But if i want to go somewhere i have to do work to go there. I had to do work to go to church and youth group and do community service!

So yeah, i guess that might be it. I could find more if i really tried but i honestly don't care enough to write every little detail down, these are just the basics. Actually these are just the big things that bother me.

P.S. When strangers ask you whats wrong its not a good sign
P.P.S My parents refuse to pay for a psychiatrist because they believe i'm just acting out...wow...acting out for the last 4-5 years....thats not a sign of a problem now is it!
Did you find this post helpful?
First Helper User Profile starship33
|

User Profile
replied April 21st, 2009
Supporter
you have to get good grades to get your parents off you back. you have to put more time in studying, get someone to help you. i had good grades until i went into a deep depression. that would be one way in making your life easier, and theres no way around it.
second, try to stay away from people you dont like, or people who dont like you even if its family members. i m not talking to 1/2 my family because theyre negative or make me feel bad. its easier for me to do this because im an adult.
everyone always hate their parents and desire to move out the house. my parents didnt even care if i got an A or F because they wasnt focused on me. your situation was so much better than mines trust me.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied March 17th, 2011
Is all this stress what is killing your grades? Because if it is, the best thing to do is to stop caring about your parents and care about yourself! You should just go over to a friends house and study. If they give you !**@! for that, tell them that it is their fault for your failing grades... I know how you feel. I may not have experienced the exact same things you have gone through, but I have lived a life without support from my family.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied March 17th, 2011
Is all this stress what is killing your grades? Because if it is, the best thing to do is to stop caring about your parents and care about yourself! You should just go over to a friends house and study. If they give you !**@! for that, tell them that it is their fault for your failing grades... I know how you feel. I may not have experienced the exact same things you have gone through, but I have lived a life without support from my family.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 6th, 2012
I feel so depressed. I stopped caring about myself when I moved to another state. I feel like I lost all my friends, my boyfriend for good. Even though Im not planning to live here forever but by the time you know everybody will forget about me and not care to talk to me when I go back for college. I know life goes on, people move on but those people really care for me and I'm afraid to lose them. As in for right now, my relationship with my mom isn't so well. She forces me to go to a rasist school, and expects me to be okay with being there tolerating them making fun of me because I'm hispanic not white. I find it really annoying how people do it just because it makes them laugh and I know I should'nt let it get to me but this is almost everyday. Guys ask me out on dates and all, tell me Im beautiful but even with that I'm still sad. I will never love someone else like I loved my ex. We shared so much together that I just cant believe I cant do with him anymore cause I'm 2,000 miles away. Only if you would feel the hurt I feel every single day. I have tried to be happy and just except the fact that crying isn't gonna get me back to where i'm from because this is where my mom wants to live, but those are her dreams, my dreams are another story. I have things I wanna do that I cant do there and it just upsets me how I can't do anything about it because I'm a minor still! I really miss my friends, and the boy of my dreams. I feel like I'm failing all the time. School is just so bad for me right now, I might not get some credits that I really need. I was never like this when I was happy when I had everything I ever asked for but my mom had to take that away. I feel alone although I do have people that wanna help me because they know what I'm going through. I miss looking pretty, caring about myself for once since I've been here. I gain then loose weight. Not me. I just feel like I'm no one to anyone.
|
Did you find this post helpful?