I still feel the evil demons, but I know they arent there.

Hi, I'm 27 years old, and when I was 15 years old i had an extremely bad drug high. I am diagnosed adhd, and bi polar. I took more than my regular dose of adderall that day, and I smoked pot after school. I went into a full blown psychosis, I thought I was in hell. Flames were everywhere, I was being ripped from my skin. Demons.It lasted four hours. I couldn't sleep with the light off, I screamed if my mother would leave my side. Finally I was hospitalized, but the images of the shadows were always lurking on the walls. I was terrified to sleep. 3 years later I had my first child, I suffered severe PostPartDepression. SEVERE. I started the hard drugs--cocaine, crack about a year later. Something I'd never do, something I never thought I would. All I want is to be normal, happy, and a mother. I'm 27, and sometimes I think I'm 15. I have trouble raising my child, I am afraid to leave my moms house. I still feel the evil demons, but I know they arent there its my mind. Why can't I grow up