I find it sad and hypocritical when women who've gone through an abortion and regretted it seek to deny women the freedom that THEY got to enjoy. (Yes, I said ENJOY. Just because they weren't happy with the consequence of that freedom doesn't mean that the freedom itself was at fault.) It's like Keith Richards doing anti-drug commercials.

Nice reference. I couldn't help but giggle

Thank you for this post, diamondsz, because the one before it had me concerned. I think it's absolutely fine and understandable to regret having children (especially young) and wish you could go back and make a better decision, as long as the children are never aware of it. I completely empathize with your situation and commend you for being a mother under the most difficult of circumstances. I can't imagine having the strength to do so myself.

wrongdecision, why don't you just have a baby now?

In whgat way does saying "many women regret being mothers" help the abortion debate? I mean seriously if anything that just propounds the argument that women CAN NOT make the right decision and shouldn't have the choice if they could have had an abortion and didn't because they weren't smart or strong enough to do it. There are two sides to the abortion debate and story and women on both sides have regrets but MOST women overall are HAPPY to be mothers unless you qand everyone else are willing to say your own mothers aregret you but wont own up to it please stop making the claim about most mothers especially if you aren't one yourself. I damn neared died becoming one but I truly love and ENJOY motherhood and my child, obstacles and all. Just as there are women who had abortions who say that without a second thought they had it and went to celebrate "getting rid of the alien/parasite" inside of them we're all different. Being a mother hasn't stop-ped my success in my career and my husband and family is more than enough support that I get "me" time, girls nights out and dates with my husband quite frequently. being a mother or having an abortion does not have to change your life ot the point of misery.

Isn't that oxy-moronic? "Both sides have regrets but seriously it propounds the choice argument because it you were stupid or not strong enough to make the choice at the moment.

So its okay to have regrets but its not because we are allowing others to percieve as as inhuman, inferior and to stupid to think for ourselves, people learn by making choices whether it was a mistake or whether it was good for them. Kids aren't for everyone and Im glad you are happy as a mother but to feel tied down for some mothers is misery, then again unless you are completely optimistic you can't make your own choices.

I understand you are pro-choice but choice also means the choice for one to also make regrets, not everyone wants to be a mother and not everyone wants to be child-free. Having regrets has nothing to do with with being stupid or strong, it has to do with making a mistake and realizing afterwards what you have done was not for you but cannot deny someone else the right for which you have practiced.

Strong never implied anything and people usually have a way of twisting such a dignified word, strong could also mean someone who's expressive or vocal, someone that lets that little tiny voice inside of them speak.

The context of my post was in response to a lot of people saying that its NOT ok to post regretting an abortin but in the same post saying many women regret being mothers. The gist of my post is that there are regrets on both sides and to only glorify ONE side of the regret would make the whole thing look bad. In life everyone makes decisions, many men and women regret having had sex with some of the people they've had sex with but that doesn't mean we take away the right to choose a sex partner but if you were only allowed to voice women regretting having sex with their male partners it would seem like men were better at choicing who to have sex with. Get it? I mean seriously many mothers don't feel tied down, just like many husbands don't feel tied down but its a general sentiment in defense of having an abortion or for men not to get married.

So you are telling people don't feel tied down? Its not an excuse, if that is what you are implying. If you are in the right relationship or in the right sitiuation of course you don't feel tied down but what about when you flip the tables, I will probably hear a more frustrated response.

If women didn't feel tied down, then what was the need for choice or womans rights?

Why do men feel tied, was it truly commit phobia? Not at all some just see themselves doing something different then what society has portrayed for them.

When one does not have that healthy relationship which "not" everyone has it is very unhealthy for someone and can make them feel tied down, now times are slightly changing along with views but the root is still there.

Its like denying sometimes that woman are coerced,manipulated or threatened into an abortion, when unfortunatly it does happens and hence progresses into regrets or vice versa.

I like the way you think. When most of the human population is wiped out by bubonic diphtheria, will you come and join my tribe, assuming we both survive? We'll need people like you.

Lol....Why not....

I DID say MOST not all. There will always be some who don't do or fele what usually happens. Choice was/is necesary because all pregnancies can't be carried to term for purely medical reasons (ie mother's life or health), some should never ever reproduce or be mothers/fathers, no one should be forced to be pregnant ( rape and incest victims because if you have consensual sex your pregnancy may be an accident , the biggest mistake of your life even but not forced you weren't sexually violated)but everyone should have a right to engage in consensual pre, during or post marital sex. Clear and simple.

I'm saying that when deciding to go through with a pregnancy remember that the pregnancy results in a human being who deserves as much love and respect as you received from your parents when you were their little time and energy consuming parasite. No one wants to feel like anyone else's ball and chain. Parenting isn't easy at all it takes work to take care of yourself of course it will take work to take care of someone else. If you feel tied down there is always adoptin and some places allow for you to leave your child at a safehouse. An overwhelmed parent can be potentially fatal to an innocent little human being. Having an abortion from the jump negates all of that.

I think people that make posts about regretting their abortions are sad people. Reading various reasons why different people have regrets causes me to shake my head. Usually the reasons have to do with the boyfriend. "I thought it was what he wanted, but he dumped me anyway" and other equally inane reasons.

so are people who regret giving birth. They (regreters of birth or abortion) chose to do soemthing that they later regret and can never take back. You can have another baby but it wont undo the abortion you can have an abortion next time or even give your child up but it doesn't take away the fact that there is a human being you helped to create who you no longer know or may never see again.

Some women who regret what they've done are women who felt pressured to do it. Some are even forced to do it. Some are threatened to do it. Some are lied to such as "It is just tissue" or "It is just a blood clot." Some women later realize that they actually killed their unborn child, their own flesh and blood and they can never get that child back (especially if it is in the 2nd or 3rd trimester because they know their unborn child was NOT just a piece of tissue).

People like you need to realize that abortion is NOT a black and white issue. Not everyone feels about abortion the way you do.

Personally, I feel that it can fall into victim blaming. In abusive relationships people often want to blame the victim rather than the perp. When it comes to coerced abortions it can be the same as a black eye.

Sometimes people just get trapped.

Isn't there supposed to be some safeguard aginast that? Like an abortion counselor who discusses the abortion with the potential patient ALONE so that she can use that time to back out and maybe that person could call the cops or say the potential patient CANT have the abortion? I mean when you find out you're pregnant your gyn discusses with you in private what you would like to do, married or not. Is this option of privacy not available at clinics?

I ask because there is a thread about a mother forcing an abortion on her teenage daughter, which I think happens about as often as forced childbirth. The parent(s) is in a position of authority and there when the decision can be made to abort or not to abort they are also in a position of power to say yes/no to continuing the pregnancy or aborting the zygote/fetus.

Supposedly, there is someone who's there to make sure it is the decision the woman really wants to make. However, I have seen many women admit that no one even asked how they felt about going through with it. I guess if the woman LOOKS like she is sure about her choice, they go ahead and do the procedure for her. I don't know. Maybe not all places that provide abortions have counseling.

Unfortunately, counseling doesn't always protect someone who's being pressured and coerced "behind the scenes." Very rarely is someone forced into the clinic at gunpoint or something so drastic. It's almost always a parent or boyfriend who says something like, "You can have the baby if you want, but I'll punish you somehow if you do." If someone's going through with a forced abortion out of fear that they'll be dumped or thrown into the streets, they're not going to want to give the counselor any reason to refuse the procedure.

If you really want to stop forced/coerced abortions, the answer is not as simple as having someone call the cops in cases of (suspected) duress. In fact, that would lead to women being denied abortions on subjective interpretations that could easily mistake the natural stress of the situation for coercion. What we need to do is tighten the child support laws so that a woman needn't be afraid of being destitute when Johnny Rottencrotch decides to split because his little pecker-holster refused an abortion. Also, we should severely punish (or at least publicly vilify) selfish parents who abandon minor children because they got pregnant.

Even though a lot of progress has been made since the dark ages, it's still entirely too easy for society to turn its back on pregnant women. ("After all, they shoulda thunk of that before they spread their legs!") As long as men are allowed to skip out on their responsibilities and parents aren't prosecuted for child abandonment when they kick their teenage daughters out, women and girls will continue being pressured to "take care" of their shameful little problems and there's nothing we can do to protect them.

I'm a mom and I'm not in your situation but after reading this I could understand you a bit more. My husband and I are young parents but we are both successful and have our parents' and grandparents'full support. Its a vastly different world from where you are and with knowing that I could truly understand why you feel the way you do. You're doing a two-person job on your own. One day your kids will be old enough to show you some priceless and maybe even financial appreciation for all that you're doing and have done starting with giving them life (in the sense that you allwoed them to be born) because you did not have to do that.

Interesting. I understand that you regret not having a child, but don't be conned into thinking that the embryo inside your uterus was in any way a "baby". If you want to feel bad, feel bad because you could've had a child. Not because you felt like you terminated an embryo. If you wanted a kid, why did you just have one when you wanted one? Why all the regret? (unless you're sterile).