Diamond, I know we've spoken about this before but you're not alone. I have found motherhood extremely hard and I've only got one child and a very supportive husband! I didn't bond with my son straight away, it took several weeks before I could say "I love you" with complete honesty. I now have an incredible bond with him but I still get the urge to boot him into next month sometimes (I don't btw )!

In fact, DH and I have decided not to have any more children. I've lost count of the amount of people who say to me, "An only child is a lonely child" or "How selfish not to give him a brother or sister!" The way I look at it, I'd rather be a happy mother of one than a miserable mother of two. Anyone who can not respect my choice in this matter can kindly cluck off.

I just wish everyone would be more honest about how hard parenthood can be instead of pretending everything's roses. Why's it got to be such a competition? No-one gets an award for Smuggest Mother of the Year.

Well stated!

Jules it is perfectly okay to have one child. Many families have one child. People will just always make a comment but really they don't care how many children you have are not. Parenthood is not easy and I actually have never heard a parent saying it's all roses. But let me tell you what life without children aint all roses neither. I have lived long enough without children and I can assure you of that. I didn't had children problems but then I had other problems. And you may think but those problems aint too bad but when you don't have other higher problems those problems become important to you. So it is what you want in life and how you view life. As a new parent I personally haven't faced many problems many new parents face because I'm having children at an older age where my life is settled, I have a good home and more support than the average person some of it due to good fortune and some because I have worked for it to be that way. Me and my husband were looking for the life change of being parents. I am thrilled to guide this new life into the world and see what she will become. Matt Damond put it well when he talked about becoming a parent, I very much relate with him. His life before children was just going to gym and do films. And now that he is parent he says he feels like he has a purpose in life and it has made him live more productive. That's how it has been for me. I'm glad now I will have something to look for when I come from work.

So you can obviously understand perfectly (a) how someone who is young and not settled and has no money and no support structure could see being pregnant as the worst thing that could happen, and that an abortion is a much better outcome.

and (b) how someone who already has ample happiness, purpose, and something to look forward to when they come home could also think that being pregnant is undesriable, and an abortion is vastly preferable.

I can totally see where it would be preferable to have an abortion under those circumstances and that's why I believe the young should just not have sex in the first place. How easy would it be if we could get rid of anybody who trouble us? But just because it is preferable doesn't mean it's right. It is killing a human being this solution now that in your world is correct but it is not for us the vast majority of people who respect the dignity of the human life. Abortion is NOT the solution.

That is a very cute trick, implying that you speak for some kind of majority, and contrasting that with the immoral heathen who don't respect the dignity of human life. But it doesn't work. What I perceive is someone who doesn't respect the dignity of human life -- the dignity to take control of their own fate, but must submit to biological processes even when these will negate the dignity of their life. As long as you cannot respect women, you will not see that your view is simply the continuation of a tradition of misogyny and discrimination.

The only ones discriminated are the unborn that are thought as we could get rid of them if the are inconvenient.

Today I walked down the road to the bottle shop to purchase a bottle of expensive whiskey for my father in law for his birthday. Their credit card machine was down and I didn't have enough cash on me to purchase it, so I had to return home empty handed and my husband is going to have to drive to a different store to buy the present when he gets home from work. That is inconvenient.

Our air conditioning unit doesn't work properly and to keep the house cool, we have to run it in test mode (which is actually a bit too cold). That is inconvenient.

Our brand-new dishwashing machine's detergent dispensing tray stopped working after five uses and now I have to put the detergent in the silverware tray until the manufacturers get the replacement part and get around to coming out to fix it. That is inconvenient.

Spending nearly a full year of my life sharing my body with something that has a high chance of KILLING me with kidney failure or at least resulting in the loss of a kidney is NOT "inconvenient". Going bankrupt trying to support a child we never wanted (were I to survive the incubation and birth) is NOT "inconvenient". Contracting one of the many feminine cancers that every woman in my family has gotten after giving birth is not "inconvenient".

"Inconvenient" means inopportune and slightly hindering. Pregnancy is much, much more than an inconvenience for many women and unfortunately we still live in a world where our choice to take the most effective measures to prevent what would be a DISASTER for us is not respected.

Perhaps you think permanent disability, bankruptcy and death are all just minor "inconveniences". A lot of people seem to think women aren't important enough for such things to matter. Many people view us as breeding fodder and consider females only as important as the number of offspring they produce, but for those of us who don't measure our own worth through reproduction alone, we don't consider our lives, health and financial well-being to be expendable.

I've quoted it before and I'll quote it again because it's so very true: "reproduction is our option, NOT our function".

So you have written several reasons there for you not to be pregnant. Then don't be. Use birth control. Get a IUD or tie your tubes. Simple as that.

And if that fails, for some reason, have an abortion. Simple as that!

Actually you are killing a human Z/E or F depending on the age because human being is applied to a person which a z/e/f does not obtain till birth.

Or make men get a vasectomy, solves the problem even better~! Tying your tubes when you have no children won't happen NA....

Since it is such a small chance to get pregnant with good use of birth control at least thinking that if it fails have an abortion will lower our abortion rates.

Yes vasectomy is even better. No kids and you wouldn't need to go to anything surgical. That's what I plan with my husband after I'm done children. I want him to get the vasectomy.

Uh...yeah. That's a bit obvious, isn't it?
Oh, except it isn't obvious to a lot of people who think "abstinence-only" sex-ed is a good idea. Silly me.

unless it involves your want to abort.
This is where you are WRONG WRONG WRONG. I know many women, VERY well off financially, emotionally stable women, settled, in their 20's who have it just as "good" as you. I also know many women in their late 30's, financially well off and emotionally stable as well, perfectly settled in who DON'T have it as good as you being a new parent. In my honest opinion of your statement, you are in complete denial. No woman who has just had a child is COMPLETELY exhuberant. Yes, they can be very happy, feel at ease, feel great about being a new mom, but there is always ALWAYS a part of them that feels unsure, unhappy, overtired, grumpy, etc. To deny yourself the complete honesty in admitting you ARE a new parent and all the feelings you have, ALL of them, both positive and negative, is totally denying yourself the right to be human. There is always a part of every mother who wonders with each decision they make if they are doing the right thing, if they are being careful enough, if they are being the "perfect" mother. This perfect mother syndrome needs to stop. The denying how horrible some aspects of parenting needs to stop. Sure, its not all bad, but it is a far cry from a cake walk. Why is it so hard for so many of us to admit that we get frustrated, that sometimes we feel we want to wring our childrens' necks (without doing it), that sometimes we wonder what we have gotten ourselves into? Why is there shame in admitting this?
I'm sorry you feel that way, NA. I always knew, even before I had children, that I had someone to come home to after work. I don't think of my kids as filling any void I had in life before they came along. I'm sorry that the only reason Matt Damon feels he has a purpose in life is through his kids. It's sad when this world expects one to want kids to fill a purpose in life, to bring meaning to life. Yes, kids do have a meaning and a purpose, but they are not meant to have for playthings after work or to fill voids. Their purpose is to ensure the survival of the human species. Simple as that.

So you need a kid to feel happy, that is pretty sad!!

I love life primarily and secondary fall the people within it. I don't need a relationship to be happy or kids to make me happy and going to the gym is fun. I look forward to playing guitar, it has technically become my "boyfriend" I love knowing that I will learn something new and make it beautiful.

I love coming back from work, looking forward to playing guitar~!

You don't need kids for fulfillment, what are you going to do for fulfillment when your kid turns 18?

Is your life still going to be productive when you child is absolutly independant of you?

It doesn't equate!

Yes.

I see the OP is a hit and run poster. Must not be very secure in her views .....

Anyway, I have zero regrets for aborting, it was the best choice - does that mean I should advocate that all women with an unplanned pregnancy abort?

Ditto.