I am 20 years old. Back in 2002 I was living in Uruguay with my parents and older sister. My mum and sister are from there, my dad and i are Brits. I lived there almost my entire life. We had just moved into a big new house in and expensive neighbourhood and ten days before Christmas my dad had to go on an emergency business trip to London. He never called again or contacted us in any way. His payments for the house bounced and we were kicked out. When he left I was in recovery for an eating disorder and we could no longer afford the clinic. We moved into a small 3 bed house in a very rough area sharing with my grandparents and my uncle, his wife and their 2 children. For 2 and a half years we lived in a place where if it rained you had to move the beds due to the cracks in the roof. We had to wash clothes by hand in an outdoor basin all year long. The damp gave me pneumonia one winter and left me with asthma as a scar. I was kicked out of 2 schools and began taking drugs and drinking when I was 14 and became involved in everything that comes with that lifestyle. I used to cut myself to make the emotional pain make sense. We survived by selling our posessions at the local markets. We couldn't eat for days at a time to ensure the kids had food. After 2 and a half years I found my dad. He was living in London and had a flat, a job and a car. And no intention of ever contacting us again. My mum begged him to take her back and he accepted. By now my hatred for the guy had taken over completely. Since I was the one in the most trouble I was sent to live with him first. Six months later my mum and sis followed. He has never said sorry or explained why he did it. He won't even listen if I talk about it. The girls have forgiven him and I am accused of causing trouble for still feeling so much pain and anger. Home is hell. I can't bear to be told what to do by him and I can't address him as dad. If he touches me I cringe. I'm about to start uni and I want to move in with my boyfriend but my mum says that if I leave and destroy her family she will never forgive me. I am not a violent person but when he shouts at me I feel a tremendous desire to cause him extreme pain. I don't know what to do anymore. Everyday I am told I am a selfish person because I want to save up money or because I am tired after work or becase I refuse to go to religious meeting when I am an atheist. Would it be selfish to leave or would it be stupid to stay? I adore my mum and do not want to lose her. But he won't listen to me. She says this is only an excuse to move in with my byf. I am despairing completely. Please help me someone. I had a huge fight with the three of them tonight and I want to pack my things and leave tomorrow and never come back. What should I do?