where to start ?? I dont' really know where to so I'm just going to waffle and hope you stay with it

my husband hasn't been himself for a couple of years now , he has always been an ambitious man with plenty of enthusiasm , drive , confidence etc and everyone has always joked that I deserve a medal for staying with him for so long ( as he can be quite over the top sometimes )

for a while now he has been totally unhappy in his job , our marriage has gone through hell , I have been blamed a lot for things going wrong when I have known deep down he has had a problem

he took a chance and changed careers taking a drop in money as well

he has now decided after 3 months he doesn't like the new job and needs to change again

we are trying so hard to work on our 22 year marriage and its hard this just puts added pressure on us

he finally went to the doctors this week who said he is depressed and has prescribed anti depressents

he has gone back to his old company who are trying to put a deal to him to get him back but yet again it could mean less money

while I want him to be happy in work I am not a risk taker and I feel at our ages 43 and 44 we should be looking forward to a comfortable lifestyle but I do understand that if he can find a job that he is happy in then it will speed up his recovery ( well I think it will ??? ) and I can have my husband back at the moment he is like a stranger

on top of all this I have feelings that I don't like towards him , he has made me so unhappy and I have taken the blame for so much I feel so hurt even though I know its not really him its the depression , are these feelings normal , I feel as though he has brought me down with him and I am struggling to get back up again

my family say that I should go to the doctors as well but I feel that people will look on us as crap parents if we both can't cope

I want a bright and settled future with him and appreciate that sometimes you have to go back to go forward ( we've done it before more than once I just didn't really want to do it again ) I feel so confused and upset with everything I just feel that I need support as well

thanks for taking the time to read this I hope you answer me