Medical Questions > Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum

I need support for getting out of my abusive relationship.

I am 18 years old. I have been with my boyfriend for two years, and I am just starting to realise that he is emotionally abusive to me. The trouble started within months of us becoming a couple, when he cheated on me with a friend. They had a drunken kiss and I forgave my boyfriend within days. However, since then he has become paranoid about me. To be absolutely clear, I have never cheated on my boyfriend. He tells me all of my male friends fancy me, he questions me about males who contact me via internet, and on my phone, he even has gone as far as accusing me of fancying female friends. He smokes cannabis, which I know plays a part of his paranoia but he refuses to quit smoking it. He is also very angry. He will make an argument over anything, and we argue pretty much every time we see each other. When he is angry, he shouts and screams, throws objects and tells me how close he is to hitting me, though he has never physically abused me. He calls me horrible names when we argue; a liar, selfish, the devil, a goody two shoes, moody. He constantly tries to prove me wrong and laughs when I try and defend myself. He calls me a liar when I tell him things that he has done to me. A fair few arguments end when he tells me I make him suicidal, and he will either grab a knife, or find something to jump off if I am with him, or will tell me he is going to hang himself if we are arguing over the phone. This always leads me to backing off, and apologising, simply because I don't want to push him to do anything. I have lasted two years in this relationship due to the fact I always try to defend myself, and I have broken up with him a number of times as I feel he is making a fool out of me. However, he becomes apologetic then, and I always believe he will change. This morning we had another argument over the phone. It was over me not wanting to phone a friend, who was at work, to give me a lift to my boyfriend's house. The argument last around 2 hours, with him calling me 'stupid', saying he 'doesn't know how I passed my GCSE's' and ending with him saying he was going to hang himself, because I make him so miserable. For the last 10 minutes of the conversation, I didn't speak whilst he told me how wrong my mind is, how I lie about what I say, how I'm selfish for telling him not to kill himself, that I'm the devil, that I'm the nastiest person he knows. All of this because I told him I didn't want to use my friend for a lift. I have had enough of his manipulation, of being afraid to answer the phone incase he shouts at me, of endless arguments where I ALWAYS end up being the one who apologises. But I need support for ending us for good. I love him for his humour, his beauty, his loving side but now, his bad side is the only side I think of. Please could you offer some advice on how to handle a break up with an emotional abuser, someone who will just say he will kill himself if I leave him, someone who will phone me repeatedly, someone who will be angry then apologetic then angry again. I need to be strong enough to do this.
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