I need someone to talk to about abortion

I found out I am pregnant. My boyfriend doesnt want me to keep it. He isnt being selfish, and he isnt a bad man so please dont think that. We struggle as it is with bills, and he has another child he pays support on. He is still in school and I have been bouncing around majors the last few years and still have no idea what I want to even be. I know his reasons are good, he doesnt want to bring a baby into a world where he worries about being able to take care of it. He told me stories about eating pickles and oyster crackers when he was little because thats what there was, and he doesnt want that to happen. I understand his reasons but I even agree with him, now isnt the time to have a baby. It just isnt, but I have always been pro-life. The way he and some of my friends view it is that its sperm and an egg, but to me its my baby. Not just that its his too, its a little bit of him, and a little bit of me. I love him so how could I not love this little thing growing in me? I have dreams and day dreams randomly about this blonde little boy with a cowlick and his blue eyes, or maybe my green ones. When I see him smile or laugh I wonder, would this baby have his laugh? would he be artistic like him? would he catch frogs? and give me purple koolaid stained mouth kisses and say "I love you mommy" to me? These things make me feel sick when I think about giving them up. But we are still new in our relationship, we dont even know if we will last. I dont know if i can do it on my own and I worry that if I keep it he wont be able to handle it and a rift will grow between us. At the same time I worry that if I give it up then I will resent and end up hating him and even if he leaves I would then have to deal and live with myself, always wondering what couldve been and feeling such incredible guilt for killing my child. I feel guilty no matter what, I feel guilty thinking of killing this newborn inside me, I feel guilty thinking of keeping it and ruining his life. Icant win. I have always felt horrible for fathers who wanted babies that were aborted because the mother chose. I am pro-life but I always thought the decision shouldnt just be with the women, but with the couple, whether to keep it or give it up for adoption. thinking about abortion is so horrible, but i know i couldnt give it away to another mom. But I dont think its fair for me to just make this decision for him when I am just as responsible for what is happening as he is. I feel so out of control and I think I am going insane. I keep crying at the most random things, and I cant sleep straight. The idea of food makes me feel sick and I just want to break things sometimes and other times I want to just scream. I dont need lectured, I just need someone to talk to. I am so afraid.