I don't even know where to start...it
seems like since I've been 20 things in my
life just keep getting worse and and
worse, and when something seems to be good
something even worse comes along to
destroy that. I'm now 24 and it has only
gotten worse. One thing that I am
extremely grateful for is my group of
friends, they have always accepted me and
been there, but now that we have all
graduated i don't see them or keep in
contact as much as we should. When it
comes to my professional career, I've
managed to destroy that.I moved out of
state to to a job with a police
department. I was fired from while in
their academy. I was accused of attempting
to cheat on an exam. I have never cheated
in my life,
I graduated with a 2.6 from college, I
sure as hell didn't cheat to earn a 2.6.
None the less my integrity is shot, and I
can't find a job now, which has made me
feel like a even bigger piece of trash. My
parents, mainly my mom has been extremely
helpful, helping me pay for my rent and
bills. My social life, well is pretty much
non-existent. I want to get out there and
meet new people and start networking, but
it just doesn't happen. I think i present
a negative image and people don't want to
talk to me or even approach me, I am so
far from that. I try or at least I think I
do to be accepting and friendly to
everyone...I guess people just don't see
that in me. So, that leads me to my
current unemployment and being able to
meet people. My love life is an
after-thought i haven't had a meaningful
relationship in about 2 years...I know I'm
not the most attractive person and that
has been reinforced by my attempts to meet
girls. If I'm lucky i can get a phone
number, but when I call i get the classic
"I'm sick", "I 'm busy tonight" and so
on...I get it I'm not good looking and you
don't want to bee seen with somebody that
looks like me. And for people that respond
to this I'm not out of shape I am a gym
freak, I'm there 5x a week and usually run
between 5-7 mi. a week I have bad features
a gigantic sloping forehead, a receding
hairline, and in general undesirable
feature. As I mentioned before I moved out
of state to take a job, I had zero friends
here and as it stands now I know exactly
about 2 people here that would even give
me the time a day.
Sorry for the long rant, but that leaves
me whee I am at now; lonely unemployed,
and completely depressed. I'm ready to
give up... there are days when I just want
to die, I actually wish sometimes i would
be killed in a accident or by some other
means so I don't have to deal with this
anymore. I hate not being able to achieve
the desirable things in life. No matter
how hard I try I will, with out a doubt,
screw them up and dig a even bigger hole
with no way out. I have thought about
suicide, much more recently, but I can't
do it because it would tear apart my mom
and my sister. I'm just sick of being the
screw up in my family and sick of falling
short of my goals and not being able to
live up to what I should be able to. I
hate it.
|
CarolDiane
Moderator
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2040 Location: Snoozing With The Care Bear,
Thanks: 64
Thanked:67
The fork in the road Posted: 05-10-08 09:08am
See yourself walking down a path and at
the in comes a fork with no sign to direct
you. You have a very big decission to
make. Left or right? Both look almost the
same only the one on the left seems
somewhat more breathtaking and brilliant
then the other. Is this somehow a hidden
dark ended path? Maybe I should take the
one on the right. Seems there is more
consistancy to that one. So you do.
At the end of that road you find
everything in life you have wanted.
Fairytale? Yes, of course, by me.
But life is full of these forks. And it is
up to you not to give up and balance the
issues and focus on the goals and the
depth you want to go to achieve them. You
will do fine as long as you never give up
on yourself. It is those that give up that
take that road of brilliantsie.
The site is not a replacement for professional medical opinion, examination, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your medical doctor or other qualified health professional before starting any new treatment or making any changes to existing treatment. Do not delay seeking or disregard medical advice based on information written by any author on this site. No health questions and information on eHealth Forum is regulated or evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and therefore the information should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease without the supervision of a medical doctor. Posts made to these forums express the views and opinions of the author, and not the administrators, moderators, or editorial staff and hence eHealth Forum and its principals will accept no liabilities or responsibilities for the statements made.
Schizophreniahealth
This page was last updated on June 11, 2008
