I'm twenty years old, and I've been hearing voices for around ten years. To be entirely clear, I have periods of time where the voices almost go away, but they always come back. Sometimes they won't be quiet all day.
Normally, on a good day they pipe up around ten to twenty times a day. Other days they repeat over and over again the same things. Sometimes I feel like they are driving me crazy because they won't shut up.
My voices tend to be of the disturbing variety and usually quite repetitive. Occasionally there will be more than one and they will converse with each other. Sometimes they tell me to do things (important: I do not listen.) I used to have a nice voice that comforted me.
There was also a brief period where I guess I was seeing things. Well, I mean I was reading things that weren't there. Mostly on church signs. They would tell me to kill myself and other people and say very morbid things that they couldn't possibly say. Or once I was watching baseball and read a player's name and thought it said Suicide. (Also, please note I wasn't suicidal consciously.)
Also I find it very hard to collect my thoughts and I feel like my brain is failing me. School work is overwhelming and often goes unfinished. I have a hard time reading anything. I haven't been able to read books which I used to love, but I have trouble when even the smallest amount of reading is required. On tests I have to read the questions over and over again until they make sense.
I have been to doctors, a psychiatrist, and a therapist before about mental health before. My regular doctor diagnosed me with depression, and then I got sent back and forth from place to place because no one could fix me and all the medications gave me terrible side effects. At one time my psychiatrist thought I had bipolar 2, but near the end he decided I didn't even have depression because I didn't want to talk to him and the pills didn't help.
Well, I'm concerned about telling people about the voices but I wish they would stop and I wish I could think clearly. But I am also afraid of going to the doctors because in the past they just made everything very much worse. I tend to get the side effects of every medication. On antidepressants I'm either overtired or manic, on tranquilizers I'm hysterical and crying, and on antipsychotics I had terrible akathasia and anxiety. I'm just so tired and I have all these weird feelings I can't explain and I'm so sick of it.
I don't even know what the question I'm asking here is. I wish I knew what to do. I wish I knew what was
Thanks for taking the time to read. I hope this makes some sort of sense.
This is a heartfelt and honest post. You cannot be alone in the things you are suffering and it is distressing to read how they have taken control of your life. Then Kake 12 comes along, who's not even a teenager yet and is going through the same kind of experience! I would love you to be able to contact me, but I think protocol dictates you can only do so through the forum. I have experience of schizophrenia (for just 18 months, 12 years ago) and now I run empowerment courses. You can return to a normal life, but you have to know what to do to get back to it, and the doctors won't be able to explain this because they have not experienced the condition. One doctor admitted to it and was struck off. You are experiencing a dual reality and to separate them again, you have to know what you are working with, but at the moment all there is to help you are drugs with horrendous side effects and behavioural therapy which doesn't reach the problem. I want to be able to help, so I hope I can through this Forum, or directly if you wish to message me.
I use to have a lot of the same things that you are describing happen to me I'm 33 now and this went on for a number of years in my ealry to mid twenties.
I would hear voices. Hear them in the running water or in the squeak of a door or just in my ear or hear someone saying words but they would be saying something completly different then what was actualy being said
I had horrible dreams of demons and sleep paralysis (like your paralized when your just waking from sleep)
Anyway before all this happened I had given my life to Jesus and had the most beautiful relationship I had ever had with a person in my life and when after a while I started to try to find (other) ways to be more "spiritual" not realizing that this could open up the door to other spiritual influences which was formentioned. After the negitive influences I could barely read anything cause of the interferance and I would actaully see colors on the page of whatever it was I was reading and it seemed as if each color had its own agenda and train of thought that my mind would follow. Weird huh?
Anyway, I remebered the Love I had with Jesus, the Joy, the Peace the Clarity of mind and knew that I wanted it back and that was my goal... So I tried many things and fought hard to get this back and after a while I found the loving arms of Jesus open as if I had never left and the torment was gone (this was a process never give up).
People who havnt been there dont understand how miserable and lonely it can feel but something I learned during this whole thing was this. Those voices are there all the time speaking to people and the things through the tv and they always fight people because they have a mission which is inflict as much pain in peoples life as possible even to the point of insanity or death..
You could not even see these things or here them if you did not have a gift called "discernment of spirits" this allows you to see and hear into the spiritual realm.
Now to what worked for me. Call on the name of Jesus Christ if you have not asked Him to forgive you of all your sins and to live in your heart this is the number one and most important step! A lot of time the spiritual forces gain power through things that have kept us far from God like sins. Since GOD wants us close to Him and not far He allowed His Son Jesus to pay the price for sins for all mankind on the cross. When your close to Jesus the foul spirits can not be close to Him. The closer the better Jesus saves you from all sin and the things that come along with it.
Please read the bible as much as you can starting with the new testament.
For more immediate releif try breathing very deeply through your mouth (eyes open). Breath as deep as you can in your mouth and out for at least twenty or thirty times. Also try fasting for a day or two and Pray often!
Also if you hear them talk to you and they are saying stuff that you know is evil tell them with authority to be quit and get away from you in the name of Jesus.
Say "leave now in the name of Jesus" With the same tone like you found your puppy pooping on the floor and it made you so upset! "GET OUT OF HERE IN THE NAME OF JESUS!!!!" God loves you so much and doesnt want you to live in torement. He wants you at peace and in a clear mind. Jesus Loves you so much that he died for your sins. That is a lot of love going on and its all for you and for many others who ever will accept Him as Lord. If you want to accept Jesus as Lord then you can pray right now "Jesus please come into my heart and forgive me of all my sins. I know that I have sinned and ask you to please forgive me and show me your Love" Remember You are stronger then they are!!!
While URloved has the strength s/he needs in Jesus, you don't have to be religious to overcome schizophrenia. Yes it's true (in all probability) that the voices are real communications from other conscious entities, and yes it would follow that there are many of these entities with an undesirable agenda. Finding someone vulnerable is nectar to a bully, and there are plenty of spirits out there - on the street corner or in the next dimension - who love nothing more than a bit of torture. But I don't believe you have to follow a particular religious path to free yourself from them. I am heartened by the fact that so many posts declare a reverence for spirituality, in the many forms it takes. As explained above, I suffered all the schizophrenic symptoms for 18 months, and contrary to the 'lifelong condition' label I have experienced none of the symptoms nor heard any voices since. That was 12 years ago. Knowing that the distress and fear of schizophrenia can be overcome has moved me to join this forum and see if I can help others. I would urge you to take heart, trust yourself above what you might hear, and remember that love conquers fear. URloved is right in this respect. Love is everything, and it is free. Those who would engender torment are relying on your fear.