Thanks, pdemo1. Hearing your situation does help to know I am not alone. When he finally gets home, he always sleeps on the couch now, too. He doesn't speak to me unless it is with texting because he needs something. This started again about Of course, it has been on-again and off-again thing for last 4 years. He is either infatuated with me or hates me (that's how I feel). This epsiode has lasted longer though. I feel like we aren't husband and wife anymore, but just strangers exisitng in the same house.

We have no children, but always used to dream of having a family. I guess it is good there aren't children involved, but that makes it even more serious for me. I am 31 and not getting any younger. I know I want a family, and it is not looking promising here. I honestly don't what to do anymore. I have stood by him through arrests, drug addictions, being committed to psych ward, and more. But, when he is anger, I am the one he hates and blames for EVERYTHING.

It is just so frustrating and makes me feel hopeless sometimes. I seriously, especially this time, contemplate telling him it is over and to leave. I pay all the bills but one, so he would have to be the one to move out. I just don't want to accept that it is over. We started dating in high school and really were happy most of the last 14 years. We veen became the icon name for a happy couple. But, when this disease hit him, it hit like a brick wall. I wish he would just stay on his medication and try to get help! Becuase he thinks nothing is wrong with him, it makes it even more frustrating.

I do love him, but I am drowning here. I talk to no one in our lives because his sickness is a secret. I think that is another reason I am so drained. I spend so much energy trying keep everything a secret for his sake. He would lose it completely if he thought people knew.

Agghhh!!!!