i have no idea where to start, I guess with me. Im 24, 25 in june, and Gay, Was diagnosed with Bi-polar 1 axis 2 at a very young age and have been in and out of treatment facilities all my pre-18 yo life. The visits were mostly 72 hour evaluation periods that my mom forced me to do by telling the doctors i was suicidal. I was a cutter, not suicidal. My mom is also Bi-polar and my Brother. Ive been in constant counseling outside of Hospitals my whole life and still am, 2 groups and individual... Recently they modified my Diagnosis to Bipolar 1 unspecified, Im on Social security Disability been on it for 3 years, My intention is to go back to work after i have finished the recommended groups and treatment plan at my counselors office, Anyways my problem centers around my relationship with my partner. We have been together for almost 4 years now, I met him the week i turned 21. I was a major social butterfly and was always with friends, When i met my partner things started changing... To the point where now i dont go out, i dont see friends, i rarely talk to them, I'm close to being completely isolated as far as none counseling interaction, Recently I have been making effort to change it. I was able to stop cutting for like 2+ years and I've started back up. I been reading alot about emotional abuse in relationships. and feel that both my partner and i abuse each other daily, the problem is i can see it and want to fix it and he wont admit its happening entirely, he'll admit i abuse him but not vice versa even though i read the paperwork to him and made it so blatantly obvious you couldnt possibly deny it, he still did. I told him to save our relationship we needed couples counseling, I couldnt stay if he wouldnt agree to it. and from day one he refuses to leave me. I told him i love him and dont want to leave but that we are both miserable and only one of us can admit to whats happeneing... the crazy one... He is in complete denial, and blames literally all our problems on me and my bi-polar as if he being my partner played no role in it at all... I just dont know what to do. he agreed to counseling, but didnt fill out the paperwork for the intake for almost 3 weeks and i had to complain at him to get him to do it so i could call and get counseling scheduled. And then i read over his paperwork and it basically blames it all on me, and he didnt put in there anything about him and his family and his problems... like it asked for. it was only about me.... He makes me feel so worthless, Like im not valuable to him or anyone and that i cant do anything right and everytime we fight or disagree or my opinions differ from his its always.... its your bi-polar, thats why your seeing all this wrong, thats why your angry, thats why your perceiving this all wrong.... and im like dude i was fine before i met you. NEVER had trouble with perception before you... No-one ever even knew i was bi-polar from their own determining, and always seemed shocked when i told them. I honestly think i cope fine and though obviously i need the counseling to fix some issues, Im also not delusional... I love him and i dont know why anymore. and i cant leave and dont know why either... We fight everyday, and he is constantly starting little fights or raggin on me for my income and not working or being lazy or whatever, as soon as he walks in the door it starts... "Why didnt you dry this towel", "Why did you put this here?" etc etc.. Orr Everytiume i ask him to do something he challenges not only what i want him to do and why but my entire reasoning behind it, as if he could question my very soul. Im soo lost and i feel stuck and its weird cause he always says he's miserable, or hates the fighting, or has problems with this and that, but never wants to do what it takes to fix it and turns around and does what he's complained about the very next day, sometimes the same day. Am i so crazy that i dont know up from down even though i think i do? or is it possible he is contributing more to the problem then he'll admit or even fix? There's so much more to say but im so emotional right now i dont know how to put it all down. this is tearing me to shreds... 10 mins later... Just had another fight. pls god help me.
first of all i congratulate for how u handle the problem in ur relationship because u do recognize that u are a part of the problem. but unfortunately cannot fix anything he does his due.maybe break can help or try to get your life back on track (counseling, get financial independence and also school etc...)
one other thing u can is fight passively .for example, instead of fighting about drying a towel u just take and dry it off or displace the misplaced item. U will realize that u spend less energy doing that than fighting with him.i use the same Technic with someone u was abusing me, and it worked.