I'm so depressed and sad in my marriage.

I felt that I was abused but I couldn't tell when and how.

I always feel bad about myself when I was at home. I have a decent job and I'm good with my friends and colleagues. My friends all think that I'm a happy woman. But only I know that deeply inside I am really depressed and sad.

My husband is a professor and he's very hard-working, like literally hard-working. He works more than 14 hours every day and he expects me to be the same. However, I really don't enjoy doing extra work. I'm good at my job and I think that's enough. I don't want to be a nobel prize winner or a billionaire anyway, so I just want to relax after work, like shopping or cooking or kniting or just watching TV.

My husband would criticize me very very harshly whenever he sees me doing leisure stuff. He said I'm too lazy and hopeless. I would almost cry and become deeply upset and depressed every time he said so.

I may not be as ambitious as he is, but I don't think I'm lazy. At least I do excel at work and I cook for the family; I even do all the laundry.

I couldn't go to sleep until very late into the night and I have nightmares every night. On weekday nights, I usually forced myself to sleep with the help of pills. On weekends like today, I'd rather stay up all night then going to bed.

I thought about divorcing my husband quite a few times but my husband didn't accept. Then I dropped the idea because of the heavy paper work and seemingly endless process.

I don't know who to talk with about this. What should I do? Should I be more ambitious to live up to my husband's expectations?

Please help!!!