Ever since boyhood I have had impulse control problems, an exceedingly short attention span and a handful of nervous tics and compulsions. After many years of suspecting I had ADHD, I finally went to a doctor who confirmed my suspicions (I actually scored a whopping 96 on the ADD/ADHD test). However, I also suffer from anxiety, which is only exacerbating some of my concerns. I am using this post as a way of double-checking that all I have going against me is ADHD and, perhaps, a bit of anxiety.
The thing that alarms me most is not the irregularity of my thoughts (I am an artist, it's expected), but rather their speed and their volume. Let me clarify: when I say my thoughts are "loud" I do not mean to say I "hear voices". I know the thoughts are my own, but they are so distinct I can practically hear them audibly, and they are often so fast I can't keep up with them. This is sometimes so severe it keeps me up at night, which is not only annoying and exhausting but also depressing; it makes me feel as though I have no control of my own mind. It's very difficult to explain the clamor of my brain to someone who doesn't have ADHD. It's a cluttered medley of conversation fragments, recollections, songs, TV shows, concerns, imaginings, daydreams, and random connections that seem unrelated to anything. Very frustrating.
I have also noticed that my attention span seems to be actively worsening. The other day I changed shirts and threw my old shirt in the garbage without noticing until minutes later. I will forget what I'm doing even while I'm doing it. It seems to take more and more effort to remember to do simple things. Has anyone else noticed that symptoms seem to fluctuate in severity? I was taking Adderall for a while, but given my family's bad psychiatric history I don't want to run the risk of stimulants triggering any latent tendencies (case in point: my aunt's schizophrenia was onset by amphetamine abuse).
I don't have delusions or paranoia or anything like that, except for the typical minor delusions and paranoias of anxiety (every head ache MUST be a brain tumor, every sore throat MUST be laryngeal cancer, every shift in mood MUST be a debilitating mental illness, etc., etc.) I guess I am just trying to see if anyone else gets these sensations, and, if so, if they have ever caused similar concerns.