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i'm losing my mind.

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hi, um..

this is making me crazy. this world is making me crazy. this life is making me crazy. i was diagnosed as being bipolar II after i was put on antidepressants and they made me have really sick mood swings.

i refuse to take medication now b/c i hate side effects.

but i can't take this, i dont know who i am anymore. my world is so black and shattered and frightening. i wake up everyday feeling like i am stuck in a nightmare.

i am scared to death and have no one to talk to. my friends think i am crazy. i was in love with this person who doesnt even want to be with me anymore because i have such drastic mood swings.


someone help.. anyone. how do you survive life when you have completley lost yourself?
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First Helper donekeykong
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replied January 16th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
hey hun to answer your question you find yourself, and to do that you should go to the doctor and tell them about your mood swings and why you stopped taking your medication and see if they can help with different meds or if you have to have the side effects, just turn to friends family or hear for support we will try our best to help you good luck sweetie Jenny
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replied January 19th, 2009
I don't have any great answers for you- but I have an idea of how you feel. I am not bipolar, but have chronic depression. The feelings that you have described are very familiar to me- the best solution I found was an adjustment to my meds along with a great counselor. I agree with the last post- get help with your meds- there isn't anything that will fix the problem if what's going on inside your head isn't "right". It's a vicious cycle- you feel like crap, you think dark morbid thoughts, you feel crappier, and the cycle continues. The only break will be if you can get that chemical balance right. You may go through some side effects, but I can't imagine anything worse than that terrifying dark and alone feeling. If you had any other medical condition, you would treat it to feel better- you deserve a chance to feel better. This is not your fault, you can't control how you feel- but maybe you can control how you are going to manage the situation.

You are in my thoughts- hang in there, be strong.
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replied February 2nd, 2009
i'm losing my mind.
Have to agree with eeyoregirl, was in a similar situation. I always believed in mind over matter and refused to take medication. I don't have to tell you what I went through, ended up just thinking of suicide and all that !**@!. I've been on medication for about 3 months now, I'm trying to get as much information about the disorder. Luckily for me the medication seems to work. Still allot of dark moments and thoughts, but knowing that there's people out there with same problem and there is treatment is what I'm holding on.
Hang in there and best of luck, your in my prayers.
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replied February 4th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
You need to go see your doctor again. You need to be treated for this. Bipolar disorder does not go away. The symptoms and mood swings will worsen without treatment. You are feeling miserable because you are not stable. There are many medication options out there. Combinations of medications are common. Talk to your doctor. Tell the doctor what your complaints are. You can work with your doctor to find the right cocktail of medications to treat your disorder. I hope you will consider getting treatment soon. You don't have to suffer.
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replied August 25th, 2009
ok for me i can help you all i just got only 11 step to cure:

1. Understand impermanence
An important step to treating workplace depression is to realize that work is impermanent. Stress is impermanent. Deadlines are impermanent. Once you understand that these things will not last forever you will feel less stressed and depressed about the future. The next time you feel depressed at work take a deep breath and say to yourself: This feeling will not last forever and then get on with your work.

2. Chuck out the heavy lunches
Quite often I feel depressed after a heavy lunch where I have had lots of fat. Saturated fat in particular is really bad for your mind and makes you feel weighed down and sad. In my travels to the Himalayas I was told by some buddhist monks that you should avoid meat, eggs, garlic and other heavy foods when you need to think for a long time. Perhaps save those foods for dinner time.

3. Drop the coffee like a bad habit
We all drink coffee to make ourselves feel more awake and alert. However, coffee is causing a lot of people a lot of problems. It is well documented that coffee will make you anxious and depressed if you have too much of it. It causes all sorts of spikes in your body and mind and will leave you feeling pretty down. Drop it like its hot!

4. Drink green tea
Green tea is an ancient Chinese drink that has some amazing health benefits. One of those benefits is an increased sense of well-being and happiness. This might have something to do with the antioxidants or it might be something else. Whatever it is green tea has worked wonders for my happiness.

5. Understand the mind
One thing you need to understand that is more important than anything else is that all depression is in your mind. It is not caused by anything external. We might think that depression is caused by the jerk of a boss in our office but it is actually caused by our inability to deal with that jerk. Depression is in the mind. Happiness is in the mind. And we control our mind. Make sure that you start working with your mind.

6. Meditate
One thing you can do to understand your mind better is meditate. Meditation has been used for thousands of years to help human beings reach their full potential. But I know all of my readers aren't into the Eastern philosophy so let me just tell you that meditation has been scientifically shown to decrease depression even more than antidepressants.

Here is a simple meditation for the next time you feel depressed. Sit up straight in your chair and close your eyes. Start breathing through your nose slowly. Try and brings the breath all the way down into your stomach. Once you have focussed yourself in this way I want you to gently look at the depression. Where is it? Where does it stay? Where does it come from? Does it have a shape? Does it have a color? Don't judge it; just look at it. When you do this again and again you will see that the depression has no substantial reality. It does not exist. It has no power over you.

This is meditation.

7. Think about serving other people
When you get into a career there is a big temptation to start thinking about yourself and no one else. However, this is a good way to make yourself depressed. Why? Because depression comes from losing sight of what is important and feeling like you are never going to be happy. Here is an old buddhist saying:

All the suffering in the world comes from wanting happiness for one's self. All the happiness in the world comes from wanting happiness for others. Shantideva

If you are feeling depressed it is a good idea to start focussing on other people and how you can serve them with your work. It might be something small like smiling at your colleague or it might be something bigger like getting your work to sponsor some charity. Think about how you can serve others and the depression will diffuse.

8. Eat fruit throughout the day
It is a good idea to start snacking on fruit throughout the day. Fruit is full of all the vitamins, minerals and nutrients that the human body and mind need to be healthy. If you can get your diet on track you are half way towards making your depression go away. Fruit is one of the best things you can add to your diet no one is eating enough of it.

9. Get outside in the sun
If you are anything like me you will spend way too much time in the dark in front of the computer screen. This is bad news. The human body needs sun to be happy. Vitamin D comes from the sun and this helps your body produce a chemical that makes you feel joyous and happy.

To get enough sun at work makes sure you:

- Eat your lunch in the sun
- Take phone calls on a chordless phone and go outside in the sun
- Walk to work or to the bus stop

Simple little things like this should be enough to get the sun you need. Remember to be careful about UV rays though. Too much sun will give you skin cancer!

10. Drink water
People are not drinking enough water. Water needs to be an integral part of your day; especially if you are feeling depressed. It cleans out toxins and impurities and helps your organs process all the junk. Depression is always related to your diet and your body's function so drinking water and getting your diet clean is a very important step.

11. Smile, at random
Smiling has been scientifically shown to trigger a chemical response in the human body. What this means is that the physical action of smiling will cause you to feel happier even if you have nothing to smile about! Try smiling more often and see how it changes your mind.
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Users who thank donekeykong for this post: Oddghost  jennifer4675 

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replied September 7th, 2012
Ok, great stuff here! Thank you, but what if, and I say this only as a thought, what if we have a chemical imbalance? And go untreated? Are all your methods going to make it better? I have tried all your options above, and believe me, I wish they DID last and help me long time, but no, the BP comes back, no matter what, especially without medication,....Thank you for your input.
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replied November 12th, 2009
hey my braddah or wahine, i understand exactly what you may be going through, because i myself have the same problem, i feel like my mind is long gone and i am just a shell in this chaotic world. The only thing i can really tell you is to carry on, in reality you are still in there, as am i, i struggle everyday. when i was younger i wason more medication then i could count with my fingers until one day i told my parents if this is how you want me to be then i might aswell kill myself, honestly after that life was good only until a few years ago, those racing thought about nothingness and nonsense came back to me, haunting me, it may not seem like the best strategic way to do this but i shun those thoughts, i literally tell them to f off and go bite my ass haha Very Happy. i used to smoke a lot of herb and it helped but since ive stopped its been harder but im adamant about prevailing and i think you should be too, there is so much out there for you and i and whoever else has this so called disorder, dont let it get the best of you because really it wants to do that. meditation though is one of the best things you could do, maybe work out? or do you have a haven you like, my havens i'd say are the ocean, music, skateboarding, and much more. So my friend find them and dont look back ok.a
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replied November 13th, 2009
These posts are quite old so I hope this finds you doing well. Being overwhelmed with sadness so deep is a symptom of serious major depression. Don't give up on the medications. You have to keep trying until you find one you can tolerate. Do not dislike yourself, learn to be gentle. We all maintain on an intricate balance of chemicals, and many things can disturb this balance including heredity, stressors, lifestyle choices, and medications. Find a medical professional you feel comfortable with and describe exactly what you have written. Good luck to you.
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replied November 13th, 2009
Experienced User
i had a bi-polar mother too
While these posts offer allot of advice and a daughter of a bi-polar mother i have to say that finding a good female physciatrist doctor gosign gosign is parmount in your healing rainbow . Everyday look at the brite side in your life sunny Rolling Eyes and just say, you know what i am not Mad lifepreserver going to that black hole, lifepreserver i am going to get out and go to a movie, visit a friend, or volunteer your time at a hospital Question . Sometimes its good to see what others are going threw! Shocked
If that doesn;t Mad help then seek out a doctors advice doctor and be patient Rolling Eyes with the meds, keep a diary Question of the side effects and how you feel sunny , to see if they honestly help you or make you feel worse Question doctor . Always remember any form of drug use even alcohol Mad glance can make it so much worse, Idea so try and see the blessings sunny in your life. Youve got a computor and are warm and dry sunny lifepreserver . I am greatful sunny everyday for running water sunny Rolling Eyes , bathrooms Rolling Eyes , ovens, Rolling Eyes washing machines Rolling Eyes sunny .. just think how bad Mad life was for our great grand fathers/mothers Shocked glance Idea . We have everything we need sunny materlistically anyway. feel better ww sunny
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replied October 7th, 2010
what are you supposed to do when you want to love everyone and everything and yet watch it all burn at the same time? when you want to be seen by everyone and yet hide away? when you feel love and anger and joy and hatred all boiling away inside of you and there's nowhere left to turn? when you feel alone and scared and angry at the world for letting you feel this way and at god if he is there for making you like this? where is there left to turn when there is no purpose to your or anyone else's or anything's existence? please help me because i think i am losing my mind
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replied September 1st, 2012
Finally someone understands...
i know how you feel. i have never been diagnosed with any kind of disorder... but... deep down i know i have the signs (bipolar), even if it is not extreme... it is difficult enough, and can be such a lonely place to be. i'm a guy... i have had so much bullcrap happen in my life and find it hard to smile through it all. however, am always aware that if i dont fight through it... what will be left?? i dont want the negative energy to win, because i know i was born in this world for a reason, and as long as i remember that i know that i need to protect that light that shines inside me: by finding a way through it.

Reading peoples posts i am seeing alot of my own behaviour. I get angry at the wrong people: i actually get angry at those who love me the most, when i know i should not. i get terrible mood swings. all i want to do s reach out for a hug and be held, but i always push people to the edge when my mood is bad. i say things sometimes without thinking. swirling inside me is love, hope, fear, joy, light, pain, and rage. i spend days on my own because i dont want to see anyone, yet other times i am full of fun and laughter. i feel like i am standing at the end of a rollercoaster ride... waiting for my life to.. begin. one thing tho... is that in all of my anger.... all of my rage.. and sadness... there are times when i do sense such a benevolent and loving presence... urging me to stay strong. even when i am angry.. and sad.. and cry to God not understanding why things have to be this way... i think of the smiles of those who love me again. and remember once again that i am the one who must protect that light inside me. so.... just know.... you are not alone.

sometimes... i do feel like i am losing myself... and its lonely. typing this there ARE tears in my eyes.... because finally there are people who understand what i am going through and going through the same. you will be ok. and just know... NEVER GIVE UP because this life... YOUR life... is precious, and beautiful. there is a light that shines in you... even in the dark times when we feel empty... its still there... so be strong. if you take medication, then speak to your doctor. speak to a councillor. if you have any family or close friends who might understand... speak to them. through it all.. i do personally believe in God.. so i do speak to him. but i understand not everyone does. but.. He has been a Rock to me... even now.. feeling sad... i still feel that HOPE inside me. sending all of you... Much LOVE, much HEALING, LIGHT, HOPE, and just know that i UNDERSTAND what you are going through. PEACE LOVE GUIDANCE and BLESSING.
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Users who thank Benson7 for this post: hmur333 

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replied September 7th, 2012
Lord , where were you all my life lol? tears are streaming down....I know exactly what I will do, starting now. PRAY, HOPE< and LOVE Thank you so much for your words of grace and kindness, they mean the world to me, and others, I imagine. HUG Smile
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replied October 8th, 2010
Experienced User
you need to talk to a good doctor a psychiatrist i have seen one for over 20 years to help me deal with sever trauma and illness. it takes a bigger person to admit they need and want help. then does to act out.. make the first step ok good luck stay positive wanda
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