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I'm just violent and I laugh at what I shouldn't

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I was used being depressed, I've been depressed for about 4 years now, but lately something has changed. I am sorry if it's not the right place to put this but I didn't know where to. I am diagnosed with anxiety already and I was expecting it to be worse this year since school was more stressful than ever. Instead, all I can do is laugh. I find a lot of situations that should be serious funny, although for about one month I can't feel a thing. Whenever I have a fight or something happens, all I can feel is anger and the need to express this anger violently. So basically I'm just violent, I laugh at what I shouldn't my mind is racing, like, I have at least three things going on in my head and it tends to get crowded up there to the point i have fights with myself in my head.
If anyone could tell me what is going on, I would be greatful.

Also, no, I am on no kind of medication, I always refuse medication.
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replied January 9th, 2012
Your not alone first of all! i have had major depression most of my life from a childhood! i just dont really talk about it at all! i to feel numb somtimes and laugh at stuff i shouldnt i think most himan beings go through this kind of thing know and again! where your mind kind of reacts diffrently because its used to all the bad and sadness you just got diffrent emotions i dont think theres anything seriously wrong with you to be honest. i to have been the same fighting with thoughts in my head! il think somthing and think its funny when i know it aint and i get really wound with myself! youl be ok go to see someone and maybe try some medication i have been put on a new one i am about to start taking it again! im a 20 old female just incase your a femal feeling this way. i find it best just to put it at the back of my mind! thinking into it makes you worry for no reason your ok Smile
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Users who thank Jodie17 for this post: ChristinneC 

replied January 9th, 2012
Oh thank you! Yeah my mother wants me to see a psychologist but honestly I'm not really looking forward that. I've been there and tried talking to someone and it only made it worse. Thanks for your opinion and I will try to think about it less, however, the thing that makes me a bit worried is the constant anger that I have and that becomes more and more intense when I start talking to people.
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replied January 9th, 2012
seeing how quick you replied really remind me of myself when i was 16 and how you seen very very anxious. i to was constantly like this you cant of learn to live with it the older you get. or for however long you have it as time goes um! yeah the anger thing i to have had experience when people have come to visit me when i am talking to them i would feel quite angry and hateful and imagine myself punching them or somthing or just telling them to get out of my house when they werent even doing anything wrong! lol! i aint had that in a while mind but i have had it i think its a cause of thinking into to much and chronic worrying. the calmer you try and get yourself i know its hard the better you will be! accupy yourself or get a hobbie things do help! i used to make myself so ill with all these problems it was awfull
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replied January 9th, 2012
Yeah it's pretty bag, given how my mind races I can't even focus on my art although I would love to... Gosh I just feel like bashing everyone's face in because I just want to be left alone and nobody does that. I feel that the more I ask people to leave me alone, the more they start trying to talk with me and I just feel guilty because I can't talk about it without yelling like a maniac.
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replied January 9th, 2012
Yeah i to have been the same as you. alot of people dont like admitt this kind of thing i suppose. but its reality so might aswell try and give you some mind rest in the fact i really have felt like this a number of times. how old are you ?? if you mind me asking another thing that happend to me is this turned into a health thing to me i kind of became a hypochondria and i am now i panic over every physical symptom i get it kind of has taken over my life dont let it get that far. i do believe all these things are a form of ocd. i hope i have helped you
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replied January 9th, 2012
I am 16 Smile There's no problem in asking, I assume my problems have their roots in my childhood since I never had any friends untill 8th grade and i was always bullied Smile
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replied January 31st, 2012
You are hungry for LOVE.
You do not have any depression, you are just hungry for LOVE. If you have none to love you, if you did not have friends, just be one. Love others, or at least feel some compassion, do not judge them, try to understand them, justify them. Have a humble heart. Everything, every suffering happens to us so that we become more aware, so that we improve ourselve. No matter how good we are, we are not good enough. Have you ever thought of the good that you can do, but you don't do? Have you thought of the opportunities when you could have done what is right, but you missed the chance? Or you are just thinking egoistically - "Why was I bullied? Why did I not have any friends" (these are not the right questions to ask). It is the lack of love in our hearts that troubles us, not other people! So be grateful for everything, including your suffering. It is through suffering that man is able to get through to himself, more effectively than in any other way. We have to always prepare ourselves, to know how to sacrifice ourselves, and not the other way around. You should always be a hero, not a beggar. You shold not just ask: "Give me" / "I want this" etc, but you should always be a good example. That way you will certantly have friends (true friends)! Each of us is special and each of us represents the whole world.

"The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread".
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replied January 31st, 2012
Thank you for the answer but before the mood change, I used to be very empathic and help every person I could, now I guess I am just tired:)
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