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Q: I'm going crazy in my head - am i gay?!
asked by:
hello011
New User
If you look in what i posted before you know that I had second thoughts if I was gay or not. I just got back from the movies and I saw in a preview a male and a female. They were getting close and everything. All the sudden I thought to myself how would I react if I was the guy there. I then remembered how I always try to not think of men AT ALL and block out any thoughts of me thinking if I am gay or not. But when I saw that I FLIPPED OUT in my brain. I don't know how to handle this. If I told my parents they would tell my entire family and I have A LOT of people in my family. I think I would react like this...
1) I would go into my mother's room and start hysterically crying.
2) She would be like what's wrong!? (feeling sad for me)
3) Eventually I would tell her I was gay.
4) I would go into my room crying nonstop because I know anything I hoped for in life is GONE!!1 Nothing is going to be there for me. I want my OWN children. MY blood. Not happening. I want a normal straight family - not happening. I want a good paying job - I would be so messed up in my thoughts still and i would be a low-life NOBODY!!!! I want my kids to be happy and know that they have a life that is all normal - they WOULD think to themselves that if I even was married and it was to a man (probably not going to happen as far as i know) then kids would laugh at them and make fun of them through their ENTIRE school life. I think they have a possibility of being gay if I think I am - which would kill me emotionally to see my own children go through that if they were to think they were gay and had the somewhat of the same situations as I am going through now.
5) I would go in the kitchen and say something like I am going to kill myself!!
6) My mom would tell me to give her whatever I would be holding (If I was holding a weapon)
7) I would give her whatever I was holding because believe me I do NOT want to die young.
Everyone in my house would be flipping out all night.
9) I tell her not to tell ANYONE else or my life would be from then on RUINED.
10) She would probably tell my family anyways. I am saying this even though we have the BEST relationship a mother and son could EVER have. We are social like best friends. But something this very important and you can't just keep a secret and not tell the rest of your family.
11) I would need to go get help.
12) I don't know what I would do with my life. I will be confused.
I am calm right now but I am going to feel it in the morning and I just had one of the WORST nervous breakdowns EVER.
I don't know if I will ever let this pass.
I don't know if this is just my hormones reacting to everything at once.
I don't know what will happen in a month.
I don't know if I have the strength to say anything to anyone about my views on sexuality. (Only you because I don't know anyone and my identity is kept secret).
Please help me before I go the bad way being me saying to my parents I was gay and living in total regret for the rest of my life that I said anything.
And I have read posts before from people saying to come out and accept yourself and you will never regret it. It's not like that for me! I feel regret if I was to come out or not come out!
I am having an extreme panic attack for the past hour and I don't know if I can even fall asleep tonight.
I feel as if my thoughts got hit with a hammer and disappeared into nowhere.
This is to ANYONE reading this: please reply to whatever you think about this just please don't make them to be a a-hole.
I'm waiting.
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Replies(8)
Deutonus
New User
Hey. Honestly, you should not worry. I am gay and just because you think of a situation with another guy doesn't make you gay. A lot of straight guys think of that, or have thoughts. I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to ask here though. Could you reiterate? Here are my current thoughts though.
You were worried about many things if you were in fact gay. First off let me say, just because you're gay doesn't exclude you from getting a good paying job. Many men, gay men work at well paying jobs. Just because you're working with people doesn't mean you have to tell them your whole life story. No one has to know that you're gay. Even if they did, they cannot deny you a job just because you are gay. That's discrimination which is illegal, sadly it still goes on but some people are denied well paying jobs just because of their skin color. Whether you're gay or not you'll find problems like these. Worrying about a job doesn't seem like something worth worrying over.
I understand the children/family thing. I would like to say a few things pertaining to it though. The world today is not what it was say 10 years ago. The acceptance of gays is a lot more common. Honestly, I think your child would make friends even if he had two fathers. Sure there are ignorant children in school, but there are ignorant people everywhere. People love to hate and will find a reason to hate one way or the other. Who's to say your child wouldn't get made fun of if he/she had a father and mother? The friends your child would make having two dads would surely be a lot more real. I'd like to say that I really doubt that your child would think they should be gay just because you are. I don't necessarily believe that being gay is a choice. You can ask a straight person when they chose to like the opposite sex, but of course they won't have an answer. If you show your child all possibilities they will be lead in the right direction.
Again I'm rather confused on what you're asking/saying here. I'm trying the best I can.
Are you attracted to the opposite sex? If you are then you honestly shouldn't be worrying. If I was attracted to the opposite sex I'd go right on the chance, but I'm not. You're of course going to think about possibilities, but that doesn't mean you have to act out on them. If you are attracted to girls that obviously means you aren't gay. Seems to me you are only thinking about being gay, which isn't something you should necessarily worry about. Either you are gay or you aren't. I don't know how to state it any clearer. Sorry if I didn't entirely respond correctly to what you were asking or wanting. I'll be happy to try and help any further if you end up reading this.
Hope all goes well, and I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about. Surely you know if you are attracted to the opposite sex or not. Hope you're doing alright now.
You were worried about many things if you were in fact gay. First off let me say, just because you're gay doesn't exclude you from getting a good paying job. Many men, gay men work at well paying jobs. Just because you're working with people doesn't mean you have to tell them your whole life story. No one has to know that you're gay. Even if they did, they cannot deny you a job just because you are gay. That's discrimination which is illegal, sadly it still goes on but some people are denied well paying jobs just because of their skin color. Whether you're gay or not you'll find problems like these. Worrying about a job doesn't seem like something worth worrying over.
I understand the children/family thing. I would like to say a few things pertaining to it though. The world today is not what it was say 10 years ago. The acceptance of gays is a lot more common. Honestly, I think your child would make friends even if he had two fathers. Sure there are ignorant children in school, but there are ignorant people everywhere. People love to hate and will find a reason to hate one way or the other. Who's to say your child wouldn't get made fun of if he/she had a father and mother? The friends your child would make having two dads would surely be a lot more real. I'd like to say that I really doubt that your child would think they should be gay just because you are. I don't necessarily believe that being gay is a choice. You can ask a straight person when they chose to like the opposite sex, but of course they won't have an answer. If you show your child all possibilities they will be lead in the right direction.
Again I'm rather confused on what you're asking/saying here. I'm trying the best I can.
Are you attracted to the opposite sex? If you are then you honestly shouldn't be worrying. If I was attracted to the opposite sex I'd go right on the chance, but I'm not. You're of course going to think about possibilities, but that doesn't mean you have to act out on them. If you are attracted to girls that obviously means you aren't gay. Seems to me you are only thinking about being gay, which isn't something you should necessarily worry about. Either you are gay or you aren't. I don't know how to state it any clearer. Sorry if I didn't entirely respond correctly to what you were asking or wanting. I'll be happy to try and help any further if you end up reading this.
Hope all goes well, and I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about. Surely you know if you are attracted to the opposite sex or not.
Hope you're doing alright now.
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Users who thank Deutonus for this post:
hello011
hello011
New User
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rightside
Active User, very eHealthy
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kaylar
Experienced User
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