Medical Questions > Mental Health > Self Injury Forum

I'm getting worse

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i talked to the staff for the first time last night. i felt so down. i thought that i would feel better today after our over 2 hour talk... but i dont. i still feel like everything is better off if i werent here, and i dont know what to do. the thought of me actually taking my own life scares me. i also would want to consider those few that do care about me, and how they would feel if they got a call one day saying that i were dead... i dont want to hurt them, and that is probably what is keeping me alive right now.. that is pathetic. im living for everyone else. i cant even live for myself anymore, because it hurts too much... im very considerate in my contemplating suicide. by this, i mean that i am thinking about what method to use that will be the least gruesome when they find my body. i have thought about my ideal way, to watch myself bleed out... but i dont want to stain the carpet or anything, so i thought about doing it in the bathtub. i would leave the shower running to wash away all of the blood, that way, nobody would see it as bad. as for my clothes, i would wear black, that way you couldnt see the blood stains. uggghhh!!! i hate this. ive already thought of "my plan" as the professionals call it... i dont know what to do. i am argueing with myself because i am so lost in my thoughts, that i feel as though i am losing control! i need help... but at this point, i dont know what exactly would help me...
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replied December 21st, 2011
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Is there specific reason you feel the need to take your life??? Or do you you just have the insatiable urge to cut?
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replied December 21st, 2011
Taking your life is not the answer, like you even stated it would hurt the people that care about you. are you on any medications for depression or any other mental illness? If so maybe you need to get a higher dosage. Talking out your problems is a good way to start to feel better. You said your 2 hour talk didnt make you feel better and it wont in the beginning but you need to hang in there and keep talking because it will start to make you feel better in the end.Also if you can find one thing you like to do or just like to get your mind off of all this it can also help. I hope everything goes well for you and i hope you get the help that is needed.
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replied December 24th, 2011
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"tinkerlrc"-im on medication now. i have been since i was 10 years old. i am 18 now. it seems like every month or two, they change my medication around (add some, or increase the dosage on what i already have) i dont know what is wrong with me. ive got myself so down that i dont know if ill be able to pull myseld back up.

"brittntc"-i replied to your message.
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replied January 27th, 2012
I'm really sorry you feel like this and I think I can understand. I've thought things through like that too and it's really scary. Remember there is a reason why people would be upset when you're gone--you are worth something. I know it's a struggle to feel that, at least it is for me. I believe things get better though, do you have someone to talk to you can trust? I think maybe try to find something you're passionate about to help you live for you. I wish you all the best, this is a difficult battle but I believe both of us can get through it.
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replied January 27th, 2012
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i have people that i trust and can talk to, its just that when i am so down, no matter if i have my phone with me or not, i cant reach out for help... i hate it that i cannot bring myself (when in such a negative mood) to just call some one to help me...
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