Relationships and Marriage Forum - I'm confused, what should I do?

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Q: I'm confused, what should I do?

asked by: finalanswer on May 4th, 2009

New User

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for about 2 years and we have had our ups and downs. She cheated on me with this guy after the first 4 months in our relationship, but she felt bad and wanted me back. I forgave her and am still with her. She's still friends with him, but I can't stand knowing that she cheated on me with him before. I told her how I felt and she told me that she would stop talking to him. Throughout our relationship, she secretly contacts him through email without me knowing. This has been going on almost once every 2 months. I forgave her the first couple times, but I am starting to not trust her anymore. I don't know what to do. I love her very much and she says she loves me more than ever and she says that she would never cheat on me again, but I can't stand knowing that she's friends with the one she cheated on me with. What should I do?

Replies(6)

worrywart01

replied on May 4th, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

can i just say that if my bf cheated on me w/a "friend" of his..then he'd be making a choice real fast..either me or the friend..period...under no circumstances would it be ok in my opinion for him(or her in your case) to be contacting this person again..if she truly values the relationship then she will get rid of this guy..it is not fair to you..the fact that shes STILL secretly emailing him is sketch...give her an ultimatum

finalanswer

replied on May 5th, 2009

New User

what if she says no because I can't control her life? she once told the guy that she can't talk to him anymore and stopped talking to him. Later she started to believe that she hurt his feelings and also said that he was in a troubled state so she wants to contact him to make sure he's okay and won't do anything drastic.

ServiceU

replied on May 5th, 2009

Supporter

first of all im sure he has other friends and family members that can help him if he's going through something.
once you sleep with someone it's easy to do it again. her talking to him is like stabbing you in your heart. if she's talking to him knowing she slept with him, you dont know if her feelings for him will grow. it's something there for her to do it in the first place.
you can start having female friends and she how she feels. or you can be firm and tell her your not having it.
my ex of 5 years gave women who liked him my phone #, while he was living with me. i nipped this in the bud, but that was one of many red flags for me to dump this guy.
she's telling you how yall relationship will be in the future.
she could care about you but not be serious (want to live the life of a single person).

finalanswer

replied on May 6th, 2009

New User

i tried reasoning with her and she told me about how he claims he doesn't have any real friends and his parents don't really care about him and she feels bad that she stumped over him by telling him she can't talk to him anymore. she says that if she finds out that he is okay, she'll stop talking to him. i'm not sure if i should believe her, what do you think?

ServiceU

replied on May 22nd, 2009

Supporter

call her bluff!!!!! what this means is you say "okay be his friend, but it's over between us" and walk away. if she really.....actually let me put myself in your chicks shoes. if my b/f said this to me, and he stopped calling me and coming over, i love him so much i would be so hurt. dont let her keep making excuses, you sound like a really nice guy, some people my see that as weakness. meaning she knows what what you will allow, and how to get over on you. stand firm, stand your ground, you are king!!

breck08

replied on June 2nd, 2009

Supporter

Any marriage or relationship counselor would say when one partner betrays the other for the relationship to work the cheater needs to drop all contact with the person. If she doesnt drop her contact then she made her choice. Let her live with it.

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