You my friend and many millions of other people like us are affected with this problem...Yet I wonder if it is our problem or part of this new world order we live in...There is no trust...This starts out as a child...The wealthy privileged children are singled out...They become teacher's pets and are their favorites...Money rules...Bullies who were not included make their mark...Even at a young age this can work on our minds...We strive for something that we can't find...We feel like we are a loser and know inside that we are a winner...Yet we are never given a chance....You see, there is nothing wrong with you...Maybe it's the rest of the world that is messed up...

I believe there are parts in all of us that fears rejection...I guess it began at home...So I fought harder...Seriously speaking, I even fight rejection here...You see I am old and they are young, so I must fight to prove that age makes no difference....If you want to vent do it...It makes you feel better in the end..

I am going to transfer this post to the Depression Topic...I think you will find people to help you find what you are looking for at this topic...There you will be able to voice your thoughts on life...Heck, I may even join you sometime....

I send you my love...

Caroline

Thanks for your kind words Caroline. Now that I have a name for what I've been feeling and know I'm not some kind of freak, I wonder what I should do next. Should I tell family & friends? I'm in such a hurry to fix myself but I know it's going to be a long slow process. I just really don't know where to start. Should I try to right all the wrongs of the past or just start afresh?

Honey, sometimes opening old wounds can cause more problems...I don't know what this involved as this is in your private place in life...Saying this,I really can't answer this question....Who you are now is not who you were years ago...You grew...You learned...You matured and became a wiser and in many ways kinder woman as you now learned of life....Many things that happened in your past, made these things happen...Think twice before you take it off the back burner...

I cannot change my yesterday and even if I could, I don't think I would go back...I look at my life now and who I am and accept me...All of these things happened as a learning part of life..But life is learning...There are no perfect people....I guess from my thoughts on life that I would not try to right the wrongs of the past....It is my past....It is part of the person that I am....Even though we have all made mistakes in life, I look at the full picture and not just a portion of it....I like me.....Isn't that what is important?....

Good luck and I hope you find peace....If you ever want to Private Message me, feel free to do so...

Caroline