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I love my sister but she doesnt love me as much &it hurts so

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Me and my sister have always been very different. I am the typical "cancer" person - sensitive, caring, mostly selfless, worried about others all the time and listening to their problems, etc. She is pretty outgoing and sadly, very selfish. When we were kids we fighted a lot, but we also played together, etc. I wasn't really hurt after we fighted because I figured it was normal.
Now, that we're older (she is still a teenie, I am a young adult), it's different. I feel so many things I don't want to feel, I see so much I don't want to see... It's hard to describe but it's like I always lied to myself... I always told myself she loved me, and that she cared. But now I see it's not true and it hurts so bad and I can't pretend anymore. She won't listen to my problems, unless they are "interesting" (like boyfriend stuff) but even then she won't really care, she'll start talking about herself after a few minutes or stop listening. Or she'll be in a better mood and really listen but then the next day I see she doesn't care. For example, I once was really worried because my boyfriend wouldn't reply to me and she "comforted" me. The next day he answered. I was so relieved. She didn't even ask if he answered, so I told her and she was like, "Oh". & checked her fb profile for the 1000th time. She doesn't show any emotion (or fakes it) when it comes to me.
She pretty much always gets what she wants because she is the kind of person that makes plans and isn't afraid of hurting anyone... She has a lot of friends; they think she's "cool" and she also acts that way. She flirts with a lot of boys and isn't afraid of hurting them, etc. But that's ok, that's her character.
My problem is that I love her so much even though she is egoistic but she doesn't love me as much. Maybe she can't. I know. But it hurts anyway.
When she asks me for something, I always want to give it to her because I feel like things are nothing compared to sister love. I'd give her everything, really. But she doesn't give me a single thing, whatever it is. And if she does, she asks me for a favor; it's always like she's making a deal.
She never does something just because she loves me.
And I can't accept that she doesn't really care. I know I theoretically should, but I keep expecting more and hoping to see she loves me. I can't really change something about that.
I cry a lot because of her, and it hurts so, so badly... Right now I'm crying too... and it's the worst feeling ever - nothing compared to a break-up or sth. And I feel like I can't stand this much longer.
I feel like I am lying on the floor and she keeps tramping on me.
Sometimes I freak out and I tell her some of the things that hurt me. Then she won't talk to me for ages and treat me like sh**, and pretend to be hurt, and I turn out feeling bad.
I can't talk to anyone about this, really, because my parents are biased, I don't want to tell my friends about it because I don't want them to dislike her or anything. Because I love her. So much.
But I really start to feel sick, mentally and physically... and I cry so much and no matter how happy I might be, this always comes back to me and teases me and I feel devastated...
I'd like to accept that what she gives me is probably all she can give & not expect more & just be happy but how in the world can I do that??
Please help me...
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First Helper User Profile love07s
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replied September 2nd, 2012
Please just reply something, anything... so I feel like there is someone...
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replied August 5th, 2013
Sorry to say but I have the same issue and we are close to 40's... she is 5 years older than me and she never seems sincerely interested in me except for maybe a mother figure(slightly) There is never a reason to specifically come see me from out of town, but coming to town to meet friends and MAYBE fit me in. She seems to think I am lying all the time. She has a couple kids and was pretty up front about since I haven't had kids I couldn't watch hers... I am pretty responsible and can't understand why she would see me being unable to care for her children. I own two houses have full time computer IT job and great husband, some weenie dogs. Me and my husband have been struggling to have kids. Its been like this with her since I was 5...i remember crying out to her not to leave me while going to her friends. I can't change me to be more popular or rich and she can't change to anything else. The only time she really connects is when she has a tragedy that shakes her up like when someone passes away or something major happens with friends, then it is the way I would want it, she talks with me and says she love's me. I always have the hopes and dreams of FRIENDS with her. It will never happen. Why can't after all these years accept it and not get hurt. I still cry to my husband or myself. If I love her how do I act... If she doesn't love me, How do I act? I am trying to convince myself that she doesn't love me and cut her off from everything. That is hard cause she is family and worry that it will only feed her ideas of me. I guess I could try and see how it goes. It is a personal walk and we have to do what brings us peace. I think we all have to do what is right for us, but I think it is safe to say to start to separate your life from them and not rely on them, and you can be friendly and chat every once in a while. Make other connections. We will never probably be BEST friends, unless we are old and shriveled or an act of God. PS My sister is and always will be a strong influence to my heart and I will always be vulnerable to her. I wish I would speak my mind at the time it was happening instead of sulking and never making a big deal about it. I think my head is getting stronger by being around people who really love me and see me.
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replied September 5th, 2012
Experienced User
This made me feel somewhat empathetic of your situation because I feel like I'm going through the same thing more or less. Out of interest what is the age gap between you and do you share friends? Little things sometimes can develop into big things so they are best avoided in the first place. Things such as getting slightly more money from parents or more attention from shared friends. These things aren't much in themselves and in the situation you may agree oh yes you're travelling further than me by train so you should get slightly more money - seems fair at the time but afterwards you thing - just a minute she got more money than me. Or if a shared friend commented on your sisters hairstyle because she spent 45 minutes at the time doing it and you spent 5 minutes on your hair - in the present when you were together you would be thinking that comment is ok as I didn't put as much effort into my hair. However later this can develop into - why did the common friend pay a nicer comment to my sister than me?

So I would try to keep little problems to a minimum. If anything big affects you then maybe seek outside help. Such as discussing it with a helpline over the phone with people not involved in the situation who can give you seperate advice. It may just be people aren't aware of how it affects you and you just need to open up to seperate people a bit.
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replied September 5th, 2012
Hi! Thank you so much for your reply!
I'm sorry you're going through something similar...
The age gap between us is just 2 years. We don't really share any friends, though her friends do comment on me and mine on her. For example, my friends keep telling me how beautiful she is... and you're right, in the present when we're together I'm just happy for her and proud to be her sister, but afterwards I sit at home and realize they never tell me I'm beautiful... and they're supposed to be MY friends...
But other people have already told me that I might have the wrong sort of friends... I've talked to older people about this, and they told me they think my friends are jealous of me. So that might be a reason why they keep pointing out how pretty my sister is. But yeah...
This is definitely a problem I should avoid in the future.
But the worst thing is still my sister's character... & that I kind of can't accept it... & that I keep hoping she is interested in me & loves me...
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replied November 8th, 2012
Your post hit my heart and soul harder than any i have read looking for kind help and advise. I honestly felt your every word as if it was me typing it. I thought for so long now I was the problem it was me over-reacting. I also am not a attention seeker. I honestly stopped living my life for my sister, it happened before i even knew it ti me it was loving my sister,she needed me so naturaly i was there for her. I recently have been going thru(about a year) things that i never knew would happen ti me. Ut has changed me, i am depressed and angry every day i wake up. With this i have turned to my mom and sister just to get what you do....only more hurt. As i type this i know my hurt of many many years has now turned into anger. My fear is next it will be hate and i will have no one, as if i do now. Sorry for the babble. I wish someone could help me in how do i get them to see, yes she may have her own problems going on, So do I. For once cant she or my mom be there for me when i need her the most unconditionaly. Probably not. So im out here seeking it from a stranger who sadly might care way before she will. Thank you for your time .
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replied September 8th, 2012
I actually have the same problem. My sister is 5 years younger than me and im crazy about her while i feel she doesnt care at all. Shes always into her friends, doesnt give importance to whtat i tell her. I just think its human nature to take someone whos always there for you for granted. When she insults me or starts a fight for no reason i dont talk to her until she says sorry. She gets better that way. You just need to make your sister realize she needs you. Dont talk to her when she acts mean or offensive. I dont think its right to accept anyones selfishness; people can change and so can she towards you if she wants. As for your friends...i think they know how your sister is with you and they say this to make you feel worse. You need to gain self worth because people dont give you importance if you dont give yourself importance.
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replied November 8th, 2012
I do understand what you are saying and i agree 100%. My problem with it is if or when i do not talk to my sister because of her hurtful actions etc... i pay the price as if im "wrong and acting atupid and selfish"(thier words). If i act like nothing happened they are ok. Let me state how her hurt made me feel and i get unbearable punishment for it. Like i have a doctors app im a diabetic and need ro go its not a check up or something not needed. Right now my car is broke down and my mom is my only way there, she makes plans with my sister on purpose and wont take me. Pitiful. I have tried and tried to make them see and i do it in a very mature tactful manner. I get no where. My sister needs me, i am there. I need my sister and mom. Im here typing. So for now i need my sister for once not to need me. I still try, however right now i cant take care of me her and mom. And i cant get myself straight when i get treated unbearably wrong for trying to survive. Im so lost. Thank you again and please keep them coming. I do hopeyou and your sistuation can and will be resolved for the sake of family and love. Ellen
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replied March 6th, 2013
heyy,,
i also have same problem
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replied April 19th, 2013
libertadhe
I am in the same situation, she never hears me and never shows happiness when something good happens to me, now she is in a relationship and try to be closer to me, but I had been ignored her by years, trying to take her out of my daily life. Is that ok, or should I restart to have a sistership with her, I feel better in this way, she don't tell me daily that I am wrong, that I am stupid, that for me everything is easy because everybody helps me.
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replied April 23rd, 2013
Sister behaviour: personality conflict or disorder?
I have the same problem with my sister, who is five years younger than I am. Problems really started arising when I left home - I think she felt abandoned in some way. But since then, and it is almost ten years now, she has swayed between loving and hateful, friendly and mean, and I never know which one will be present when I reach out to her. I have had my cousins, my long-term boyfriend of 6 years and my current boyfriend of nearly 3 years tell me that I have to let her "hang out to dry" because she is not good to me, but I have realized that I try to find reasons why she might be acting that way. Reasons why it is "my fault" that she acts that way. I guess this is all because I have that same feeling, that I "love her so much", and I do. I just don't understand why or how she can be so cold to me when I have always tried to encourage her and be there for her. Sure, there have been times when I've reached the end of my wits because of immature or ignorant things she has said or done, and have lost my temper, but I always ended trying to work forward from there, to find new footing for being sisters again. The point for me is just that she never does seem happy when good things happen to me, and her response to me is always one hundred percent unpredictable. One minute I could send a text or e-mail and receive a great response the next, I could receive a nasty one or perhaps no response at all for weeks. There must be some kind of psychological/behavioural phenomenon that occurs when an older sister is more gentle than the younger sister, because what I see in our messages is that we are all of a different disposition than our younger sisters: more forgiving, caring, sensitive. My sister too is pretty reckless with friends, boys, etc. She doesn't seem to care about hurting anybody's feelings and rolls along at 100 selfish miles per hour and doesn't stop to see the casualties of her joyride. As I said, at times she will be nice and we are the best of friends, but then out of nowhere she hates me. Almost to the point where I am scared of saying or doing things that might put her off, which is ridiculous. Personally I have tried not contacting her for weeks but it doesn't seem to work. She just doesn't care and so I end up contacting her again just because I miss her so much. Don't know how to overcome this, really. Maybe it takes a professional counselling session for both of us or maybe I should once again try to confront her on how she makes me feel.
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replied May 29th, 2013
i know how you feel
Reading this waz as though I had written it myself. Im sorry you and your sister dont speak. My sister is 6 years younger than me. We went into care at a young age because of our abusive mother and stepdad. My sister was too young to understand the reasons why. The past few years she hss been selfish, nasty and more concerned with hrr friends thsn her family. She uses us when she wants something or her friends are busy. Ive stopped speaking to her now for the pastnyear. I cry abiutnit sometimes but I know its for the best. I will not be walked over. Good luck xx
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replied May 29th, 2013
Reading this waz as though I had written it myself. Im sorry you and your sister dont speak. My sister is 6 years younger than me. We went into care at a young age because of our abusive mother and stepdad. My sister was too young to understand the reasons why. The past few years she hss been selfish, nasty and more concerned with hrr friends thsn her family. She uses us when she wants something or her friends are busy. Ive stopped speaking to her now for the pastnyear. I cry abiutnit sometimes but I know its for the best. I will not be walked over. Good luck xx
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replied June 11th, 2013
sister's love
Incredible! All the same communication patterns...My sister is also 5 years younger than me and I share exactly the same emotions as you do...about loving her too much, being always there for her when she needs me...giving a lot...My sister recently told me that I care too much about her and that in general I'm someone "too" nice with people etc...etc..Now for some time she has been confronting me in speech and avoiding me as much as possible...There have been other periods like that before (maybe not so intense) but we also used to be good friends...I think it's important to let them go, these selfish "little sisters", even if it might seem complicated but that's the only way to make them understand the real meaning of sister's love and care...It should never be taken for granted
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replied July 5th, 2013
I also have felt that pain. A deep spiritual experience helped me deal with it. You have my empathy and best wishes for knowing inside out that you are worthy.
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replied July 14th, 2013
I have same problem
Hi, I have the same problem, I love my little sister Hi, I have the same problem, I love my little sister very much, and we have two years age difference. I never want to see her sad... she also love me, but I cannot understand why we always have problem in our relationship. I just dont like the type of her attitude with me, she do many things for me but the type of her talking always annoying me, for example 2 days ago I was worried about something she said me dont worry but I was sad about the problem, she suddenly said me with very angry voice" I warn you, if you continue to be worry about this with using her finger blame .. My heart was broken, and I was wondering why she uses such this kind of word to calm me. Why she didnt think about my feelingwhen she talked like this with me the only thing I could do is not continuing speaking, but she again starting to tell me that you always choose this way not speaking.but when I start to talk in this situation she will be angry and she will continue speaking not respectfully with me we have missed our mother when we was little and I always want to be for her..I love her , recently I am confused what I must to? She said me that I am relief when I am far from you, but I am sure she will be sad if we stop to have a relationship with ourselves, she is not in situation to be completely independent, we need each other in this big world which everybody is alone .
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replied February 22nd, 2014
Youngest and always ignored.

My sister is 16 years older than me. she moved out before I knew who she was. she came back around when I was 10 yrs old and has always ignored me, pushed me aside, didn't want to be bothered with me. she had two daughters, my nieces and I spent alot of time with them when they were little. My sister eventually married again when I was 18 and helped me some when I had my son. Now that my son is older, she has no interest in me. Never calls me, I told her the last time I spoke to her that if I didn't call her, I wouldn't hear from her for the rest of my life. she didn't even tell me when she found out my older brother had cancer and had very little time to live. I had tried to call him on occasion and he wouldn't come to the phone. all I've ever wanted from her is her love, a relationship. she is very materialistic and money motivated. she thinks the only reason I want to be close to her is that I want something from her. she has no idea how badly that hurts me and I'm on the verge of just writing her out of my life, regardless of how painful that is. Our mother passed away 10 years ago. she took their house and life insurance. None of the rest of our siblings got anything. all I asked for was the family bible because it had the records of births and deaths in our family. I had another brother who just recently passed away and he lived in my parents house and she resented him for that. she wanted him out. I think the death of our brother in aug of last year and the fact that he knew she wanted him out of the house put him in such bad depression that he drank himself to death. she didn't even call me to tell me she found him dead. I had to find out on facebook. she had her husband call me. I don't know what I've done to cause her to treat me like this. I'm so tired of rejection not just by her but by her daughters who I was very close to when they were young. I live within 4 miles of all three of them and I never see them or hear from them. do the have any idea how that makes me feel? I really think they are so selfish they don't even care. sometimes I wish she would die, but that's not the way I really am. I just want her to love me. and the sad fact is, I know she never will. I know these words won't help anyone but it makes me feel better to get them out.
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replied March 9th, 2014
Sisterhood Not So Good
I am sorry to read of your pain and wish things could be better between the two of you. I sincerely hope time will give you both some perspective and that you will be able to draw on the good things you shared together before this rift, and heal and move forward together! My sister is 17 years older than I, half-sister, actually. We have never been very close - different fathers, almost two decades apart, and quite different people. In addition, she was emotionally very abusive to me as a child and this has surfaced several times in the last decades (I'm 50 now). It just came up again this weekend as she has asked me for a family-related favor, and I spoke to her about it and told her of my pain. I really do not want any kind of reparations or even a big drama - I just want her to acknowledge what she did, that it was wrong, and that she is sorry. However, she continues to insist that I was a "bad kid" and even though I was 4-9 years old and she was 21-26 at the time, I deserved to be treated in this way. She has also brought up my teenage misbehavior as proof that I was difficult and used it to justify her actions. I honestly don't know if she will ever "hear" what I have to say and stop blaming me for the hurt she caused me. It's very sad, because our parents have all passed on and it's just the two of us left. I wish we could have a relationship, but we are both stuck - me needing to hear acknowledgment/apology, and her unable/unwilling to give it.
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replied March 27th, 2014
I understand this completely. I am going tho my braking point now. I just dont know what to do or say. You are not alone at all. I am the younger sister by 16 months. My sister never sees me unless she is in town seeing her friends. My mom and i would joke about how she treats her friends better then family. I just wish we could be friends every onew says it changes when we are older. Well we are in our early 30's. But just know you are not alone Smile
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