I am so sorry..You have been through alot..You are not responsible for your husbands death ok..You were trying to deal with the loss of yuor mother and he evidently had other things going on as well..Feel sad for him but don't take on quilt it is not yours to bare..

You and your child now must find a new path to walk and it will be harder but it's there for you..Go back to school if need be but get strong so that your daughter has a strong mom who provides for her..

If you dont want meds then don't..Meds aren't always the answer..Talk with your church, or a mental health expert just to get you over the hump of all this..

You will be ok honey it's going to take time..I know you have heard that from others but it will..Time doesn't stop you remembering but it can dullthe pain..

Love your baby and take care of you as well..

Like you, I had a close relationship with my Mother...When she passed on, it was rough..Death is a terrible experience to deal with in life...I believe I read somewhere that many marriages do not survive this time in their life...You either make it or not...Now add to this the fact that you had just had a baby and your hormones were still going in circles, and you probably had a "bulls eye" on you for disaster...You are your Mother's daughter and have been all your life...and this new person in your life is still somewhat of a stranger....Sure you had your new baby, but how do you shut one emotion down and transfer it to another?...The pain of this loss can actually hurt...In many ways I know where you are...Then you have a husband that expects all to be the same...Loving wife like before when your heart is truly breaking....

What happened with your husband happened....There was more to this that you will never know...You were working your way back with him...At that time in your life, you were doing all that you could do to be a wife...Her death was not only a shock to your system then you must add the birth of your baby...At this point in your life you could NOT have done more...You must stop feeling guilty as it is not your fault...

Live for your child......All of this is God's will....Try to watch it with the pills...They can really mess you up...Live one day at a time...Don't push yourself, but go forward...Live through your baby...Watch her grow....Cling to memories that you want to, and stay away from places that bother you....Each of us has some hell on earth that we are supposed to live through...It's just the way it is....Honey at the other end of that rainbow is our own pot of gold...Bad memories will fade...Good memories take over....I send you all the love.....

Caroline

Monie. Please, take my advice for your afflictions. There is no doubt that you are hurting. Cling to the Lord Jesus Christ in this time of emptiness and sorrow. He is there and loves you. He's waiting for you at any time. So pick up that bible, and try out a church that has great loving fellowship. Feel free to contact me privately if you need any help!

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