General Community Chat Forum - I just want to rip my hair out!!

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Q: I just want to rip my hair out!!

asked by: sweet_mom on April 6th, 2008

Experienced User

Have you ever had one of those friends that think they are better than you and never hesitate to tell you in so many little ways.
Well I have this friend who everytime I talk to her says that all teenagers should have their legs sewn shut til they reach the age of 21 so they can't have kids(her reasoning is that teens cannot possibly be good mothers)I guess she forgets that I got pregnant at 16,gave birth at 17 and am now 19.So really she either completely forgot or she thinks I am a horrible mother.Another thing she says is that natives are not reliable and that I should never trust a native.Well I personally am not native,but my boyfriend is and therefore my son is as well,so this really ticks me off because not only should my son not have been born in her eyes,he also is now unreliable and untrustworthy,just because he is part metis.
She frustrates me to the point where I just want to scream at her,but I just ignore what she says and try to look past all that to the qualities that made us friends in the beginning.It's getting harder to do that though and I'm thinking I should just cut ties with her and try to remember the good times.
There have been times though that she has made me question myself,made me wonder if I really am a bad mother and I hate that.I am not a bad mother,I am just a young mother.

Anyways,thanks for letting me vent it out.I feel a bit better now

Replies(6)

TMJWorld

replied on April 7th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

oh yes, i feel like that quite often.I dont let it get to me. Im sure that you are a very good mother. if i were you id say to her. "you know what? I wish i were as perfect as you think you are!"

let her know that you love your son and you dont really care what she think---i think that a person who thinks that they are better than you is not worht having as a friend.

mominashoe

replied on April 8th, 2008

Moderator

LOL I know just how you feel! I have mom just like that...well, not maybe just like, but she makes me feel like I am ranks below her. If she comes over, my house just couldn't be clean enough for her and all I do is take care of my 6 kids, sometimes I just feel like a frumpy mom of 6 with no life compared to her. She never admits to having marital problems and always talks about how wonderful her husband is like her life there is just dreamy and wonderful. The condescension just eats me up. But I try not to think about it and have a good time. I have often thought up cutting ties, even though that would be cutting off my only actual female friendships.

I think we just need to remember that these people who seem so well off have their own troubles that we could just as easily give them trouble about if we knew them. Actually you kinda have to pity them for their lack of social grace and stupidity for not knowing how much they are actually not saying the right things.

And Dyan is right, if you are constantly hurt, maybe you need to either tell her how it hurts you or take a break from her.

sweet_mom

replied on April 20th, 2008

Experienced User

thanks guys,
I actually did take a small break from her and decided to put all those comments in the past.We actually spent some time together the other day and none of those types of comments came up.I'm just going to take it day by day and if she says anything again I will tell her how I feel about these comments and let her decide if she wants the friendship to continue.

StacyHoll

replied on April 20th, 2008

Experienced User

IS SHE MOTHER TERESA!?!! What a friend.. Sorry to hear that because realistically you're not even 21 now. I bet you have a beautiful child, and for her to generialize one race.. Thats horrible. Could she be jealous of you? How old is this friend? If she really is a true friend. Have you ever mentioned to her the sadness shes causing you? I would stand up for myself if I was you. You sound like such a nice person. Just to let it go and focus on the positives. You handelled the situation very well Smile

sweet_mom

replied on May 7th, 2008

Experienced User

she is only 22 herself,so she is not too much older than I am.
I don't think she's jealous of me,we're pretty much equal in most aspects of our lifes.
I've never actually said anything about how I feel when she says these things,I usually just let ignorant comments go in one ear and out the other.Usually anyway.
There are some comments that stick though and I will usually just internalize them,which is not the best thing to do I know but that is just how I deal with a lot of things.I internalize and then I have entire conversations with myself(I'm not crazy)working out my frustrations,I'll rationalize with myself on why she might have said some things and then I tell myself that I am not who she's talking about,because I know myself and I know that I am not a young silly girl who's going to end up with tons of kids and no father to help,living on welfare and other hand outs.My boyfriend and I are happy together,we have our problems and we work them out just like other people.

But anyways,thanks for the replies.

StacyHoll

replied on May 8th, 2008

Experienced User

You're welcome.

I hope everything works out! Smile

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