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I just want someone to listen...

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Some people in this world are cursed. They will never be allowed to know true happiness. I believe this is true. I am a 27yo male and my life is proof of such misery. It’s not that I’m just negative all the time. My life is just horrible. I am the product of a rape. It is a fact my mother never let me forget. Growing up, I was constantly reminded how my mother didn’t want anymore kids after my brother and I never should have been born. My mom also had the issue with marrying one abusive drunk after another. My whole childhood I was raised to believe I never should have been and I will never be worth anything. When I was nine, I met a girl who quickly became my closest friend. She was the first person who ever made me feel special. Like there was happiness to look forward to. And for the first time in my life, all the bad things seemed to not matter because I knew there was something good in this world. Before I reached my tenth birthday, I was staying with her and her parents for the weekend. Her and I were playing outside when we were taken by a group of men. We were both beaten very badly, and they raped her. I spent a bit in the hospital and when I awoke, I was informed she bleed to death from the rape. I blamed myself for so long. For I am cursed and cannot be allowed happiness. Throughout my teenage, my closest friends kept dying. A 14yo girl had a stroke, drowning, car accidents, and a list of others. I wound up hooking up with this girl my senior year. She treated me badly, but I think it was mostly fault on that one. We wound up having a little boy. I felt so much happiness. I got the chance to be the father I never had. To give my love to my son. To ensure his life would be special. He died 3 months after his birth. He was born sick, and the doctors could do nothing for him. I am single now and I live with my older sister. My sister and I are all we both have. We have no contact with the rest of our family of drug addicts and convicts. I am blessed to be able to watch her slowly die from a terminal illness. She is all have left, and I get to watch her die. I try to keep hope that things will get better. But the truth is, it won’t. I keep holding because I know my sister needs me in her final days and I will be there for her til the end. And she can never know the pain I keep inside. There is no hope left after she dies; which we are told will be very soon. I don’t know how to deal with this pain anymore. And I don’t know how to ask for help. And I don’t know if I can be helped. I just wanted to get this off my chest. Thank you all for listening.
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First Helper ma2mason
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replied April 15th, 2010
I just want you to know that you are not alone. I myself have problems that might be just as intensive as yours. I find myself constantly reminded by the fact one day my past comes to haunt me and I am ruined forever. You are not alone brother. It serves as motivation as well.
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replied October 23rd, 2012
I know how you feel. I have been unwanted my whole life, I am too now struggling to get by. My heart goes out to you. You are not alone. I swear.. One day things will get better. One day you are going to be happy. One day you are going to get the life you deserve.
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replied December 6th, 2012
You are a very strong man, now is the time you need to be at your strongest, for your sister. Be there for her, be a symbol of hope that you will achieve all the success she could ever want for you. You have been unfortunate to see some of the greatest evil this world can produce, use this knowledge to make the world a better place, be a beacon hope for people in similar situations.

"And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others."
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