I would leave him, cheating is cheating. But I wouldn't get an abortion. Its my own personal feelings, but the baby did nothing wrong. Why kill and innocent life. Thats just my personal feelings.

Only you can decide if the relationship is worth fighting for or if you need to move on. However, if you're not in a position where you and the father can be a part of the child's life I think you're better off not having it or putting it up for adoption. Children need both mother and father.

Sorry, I left something out. We were separated for a month when this happened. But we were still sleeping together. Which is how I got pregnant. I already have a four year old son, who's quite smart, so I couldn't carry a baby and then not keep it. Nor do I think I'd be capable of giving a kid up for adoption knowing what the world is like. So, I guess my only two choices are keep them or leave them and I'm struggling with that the most. Thanks

If you weren't monogamous at the time I'm not sure where the debate comes in. Are you concerned about the unprotected sex?

We were monogamous at the time. We'd agreed not to see other people. we just weren't seeing each other, either. It was the whole 'space' need. And yes, I'm very concerned about the unprotected because the man he had sex with is...very 'sexually liberated.'

Well you need to decide weather you want to be with him or not it took alot for him to fess up about his infidelities. Myabe just maybe he is trying to make a clean slate and start over fresh and maybe the fact that you are preggers has given him a swift kick in the a$$. Go and get tested and him too. Then ake a long thought about abortions. I had one back in march and Its definately not something i would repeat if i could go back and change it. It stays with you. I was on anti depressants for a while it was a huge blow for me. At the same time they told me there were 2 not one fetus and that one looked very abnormal as though something were wrong with it. Which is the only reason i followed through with it. I would never reccomend an abortion after experiencing it. Take a lot of time and think it over. and even then you may still not be happy with your results but dont take having an abortion lightly. It all depends on your abilities to recover as to if you can r not

Hi Spanishfly,

Fist thing you need to do is get yourself tested for HIV/AIDS or any STD's. Right now your focus should be on your health and that of your unborn child. You ask..."What would you do?" No one can walk in your shoes but you, for those who have walked in the same sand as you but in their own shoes, made choices based on what they went through, right or wrong, good or bad...it was the choices they made.

Right now you are having to much to deal with, let's take a deep breath, and take it a step at at time.

1. Leave him.
2. Get tested.
3. Get prenatal care
4. If you don't want to abort don't.
5. Go to a "free" legal aide clinic and start the child support paperwork if you are positive it is his child and you decide to keep him or her.
6. Get counseling.
7. Stop having sex.
8. Keep a diary as to where you are now in your life, how you got there, how do you get out of where you currently are and what do you want for yourself and the baby should you decide to keep him or her in future.
9. Love yourself enough to put your dignity above any man, right now it's all about you and your baby, ok?
10. If you have family that want to be in your life to encourage, support and love you despite your imperfections (as none of us are perfect), please accept them.
11. God is an ever present force...let him in.


God Bless You, we are here for you, keep us posted.


Faded Rose

I just want to thank all who have responded so far. All of your opinions are different and I appreciate the different perspectives because I have no idea what I'm doing. Thank you.

our hearts can love the person were with, but our minds tells us that the person isnt any good for us.
you said you dont know what your going to do, but i think you have some idea.....what is that inner voice telling you.
you said that yall was in a monogamous relationship when yall was together. the question is can you live with the point that he is bisexual.
if you stay with him would you ask him to suppress his feelings or urges?
how do you feel about him after this event?

I feel bad, because I am bisexual, and he accepted it, but no I cant live with him being bisexual. He said he isn't. That he's really ashamed and disgusted with himself. That the only reason this happened was because he was on drugs, but he kept hanging around this person and kept doing drugs around them and then messed with them. My brother is gay, and he told me that once a straight guy has sex with another man for the first time, it's really hard for them to turn back, whether it's weeks or months or years down the line. That's what I'm afraid of. My respect for him has already plummeted, the special feelings that were reserved for him are gone, but I love him. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him and continue building a family, though, if this is going to happen again.


I have another question: The thought and attempt to make love with him literally makes me sick. Is it possible to stay with someone your entire life and never have your 'carnal desires' satisfied?

It's possible to do all kinds of horrible things to yourself. The truth is you don't love this man. You can't even accept who he is or respect him. The longer you stay with him the more obvious this will become to you. Tell him you can't cope with his bisexuality and move onward with your life.

that's kind of a double standard! i know it's more acceptable for a women to be bisexual than a man in our society.
i know drugs can make you do a lot of things, but do you think he had the desire to do it. it's hard for me to believe that a 100% straight man to do that.

and your brother could be wrong about men that tried it will do it again. that's his opinion.

if he accepts you being bisexual i think you should accept and forgive him.
i m not saying that you should get back with him, that's up to you.
i dont believe in people living together being miserable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. i think it's do or die. meaning be with him if your able to forgive him and move on.
or move on with your life.

Spanishfly- I think Wolf is a spokesman for bisexual men, for I have seen him say the most bias things in favour of them on here over and over again. Again I will say, go with your gut feeling. I think he has cheated regardless however him cheating with a man wouldn't be something I could live with. If you can't then don't. If you can then do. It has nothing to do with the world being against bisexual men. But lets not say rubbish like they're more inclined to cheat with a woman than a man because how do you know? Is that a fact? No. It depends on the individual. Some bi people lean more to men and others more to women, and just like you said Wolf, others are just experimenting because they are open minded

Spanishfly
I'm actually a paid spokesman for both bisexual men and women hired personally by the precedent of bisexuality herself. If we're done being silly? I don't tolerate anyone who spreads ignorance about human beings whether its that women love the taste of pineapples or that gay men often have sex with women. Bisexuals aren't unicorns, they don't follow some kind of occult rule system. They are humans just like you or me and deserve the same respect. Assuming their behavior is different because they find different people attractive than you do is a disservice to everyone involved.
Mina2103 has told you a man that she's never met will not only cheat on you but that it is impossible that he will ever want a woman again because he's a bisexual. That would mean either she's a prophet or a homophobe. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say she's not a prophet.

Any bisexual who's in a long term relationship with someone has a preference for that gender, period. While they may be attracted to the opposite sex they chose to be monogamous for a long time with you having sex only with your gender, that would be the bias. If they cheat the odds follow that preference. Those would be the facts. Any bisexual on the planet who cheats, just like any straight person who cheats, is statistically more likely to cheat with the gender they prefer. Think about it seriously, how likely would you be to cheat on someone with the gender you're less attracted to?

Homophobe!
Oh my god I'm so sorry it just slipped/HOMOPHOBE!
You're so full of it. You didn't say he may cheat again. You said:

"Once a man has slept with another man, he is most certainly going to do it again."

The pesky thing about these damned forums is that your words are right there in black and freakin white. If you want I can break down the sentence structure for you if you can't understand what you wrote. I haven't said anything about sexism, lets not cloud one of your many issues with another. I have told you that you have a bias against men who have sex with men. And now I'm telling you that you're a liar for denying that you said made a off-color statement about bisexual men. Yes what you said is an opinion, facts are based in reality. No you can't express an opinion on this forum that is sexist, racist or discriminatory against a class or religion. Read the terms of service if you think otherwise.

Clearly i'm wasting my time with you. You are right you spokesman. Continue defending people who aren't being discriminated against and continue to carry a chip on your shoulder. It gives you a purpose in life so enjoy! Bye bye

For the sake of your own health seek professional help with that phobia of yours Mina2103. If could lead you to say something that would hurt the feelings of people who've done nothing to deserve your hatred.