I just dont know what to do anymore.

I'm a 22 year old guy that feels lost and hopeless, i'm in pain all the time i feel worthless all the time, i consider myself heavely depressed, i've been like that since i was 15 or so, it's a long time and i still feel this low i dont know why maybe theres something wrong with me.

since 2 years know i consider ending my life almost once every week, the reason i didnt go through with it is that i feel bad about my parents if died, or may be i dont have the guts to do it.

the reaons i feel so low, i've never had someone to talk to, i dont have friends, i have never went on a date or had a girlfriend, and that's have a great impact on me cause i'm 22 and dont even have a girl.

maybe i'm ugly, i dont know, i'm 5'4, skinny and feeble.


i'm just SO alone, i've never had a job, i cant find a job, and it makes me feel like a loser

i was always bullied at school, so basicly my childhood wasnt that happy, but when that happen, i mean when some big guys try and bully me I speak brave, and never back down, and i know i'll get beating up, but it's better than that damn guilt feeling about being a cowerd, it burns you have no idea. so i would die to prove othewise, prove that i'm strong, i would literally go to my doom to prove that, or maybe i'm just suicidal.

i cry and cry and cry alone
I dream to fiend my soulmate, i will do anything for her, i will die for her

thats pretty much my life, and how i feel every day, i just wish to be happy, but i think that some people are meant to suffer i dont know.. i'm afraid i cant control myself any longer... a blood bath will always be prime, i think i really stink this time.