i'm 19..married and live with my husband and our dog.
I guess I just stopped caring about everything. I feel two things lately anger, and sadness because I cant seem to feel happy. The stress we're under now is insane. Tommorow we have to take our dog to the pound because we're 200 dollars in debt and cant afford to feed her and still be able to pay rent and bills. My husband is mad at me because I'm being so casual about. but I cant help it, I feel no connection to the dog, or my family or even my husband. It all feels empty and wrong... I dont leave the house anymore because people always stare at me..and I sware they are talking about me or judging me..be it my weight or something else they dont know...
for the past month it takes me nearly 2 hours to fall asleep no matter how tired I am, and even then I fall asleep panicked because I hear whispers in the room..I cant hear what they are saying but I sware they are talking about me...
I'm under so much stress to get a job which I know i cant hold i'm just not good enough or stable enough to do it. I'm worrying so much about if we can pay rent or eat..
I just want to go sleep right now and not wake up untill its all better. I want to wake up and be okay again.
we dont even have the money for me to see a therapist...
meklia, from what i can see i think your pretty and i judge girls by whats on the inside not the outside. but when you were talking up there on your first post, i felt like i was a replica of you. i felt like i knew exactly what your saying. i met this girl when i moved to wisconsin and i met her over the internet mind you. then for 3 years weve been living together. of course i made the mistake of cheating on her, and i apologised as hard as i could. we got together again and then she started roaming on the internet. then she met what she called a friend and the next thing i know im dumped for some guy half way accross the world.
i feel like garbage i suffered 2 hits there and i dont think i can take another. i dont get out anywhere because im epileptic meaning i cant drive. so im mostly on the computer all day and were still in the same household and everyday when she turns that camera on for the guy to see her, i die a little more inside. mind you i moved here so i have no friends. none at all.
my only friend is her dad.
very wierd but true, if you seen her she kinda looks like you and shes heavy set too i usually like the heavier girls cause they try to look at a man for what they are they dont change men like they change their underwear.
i also wish to go to sleep forever and never feel this again. today i woke up crying cause she said she only wahts to be friends with me but she pushes me away when i hug her. ive been up 2 days now.
ive even thought how i want to go. the japaneses suicide called hiracure or something like that. its when they drink a shot of sake and stab themselves with a knife and try to pull their heart out before they die. this showes that i might be a little to far. but when i think of my family i cant do it.