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I just don't care anymore

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It sort of feels like its been building up inside me for a while. I guess its just this empty feeling. I don't really care what people say about marijuana not being addicting, I'm addicted to it. I spend what little money I receive from my parents to buy weed, and live off the dollar menu and ramen noodles. I'm 19 and my parents think I'm in school, but I dropped out of my classes. I have no motivation to get a job to make money for myself, even though the I can only afford to do smoke and eat. I owe 500 dollars to the last apartment complex I lived in, I don't care to pay them. My credit card has several charges on it and when the collection calls came I simply ignored them until they stopped. I was charged with larceny when I stole curtains from k-mart for this girl who sleeps around and is now pregnant. A girl who I actually think is extremely stupid and annoying, and is coincidentally one of only two girls I've ever slept with. I paid the fine I got from K-mart and when I went to court they said that I still owed more money so I had to come back, and I just...didn't. I don't care anymore. Cops visited my parents house an hour away looking for me because now there's a warrant out for my arrest for a failure to appear. They don't have an address for me, and that's because I'm sleeping on my friends floor right now. 3 of us in a 1 bedroom apartment. Sometimes I get random bursts of motivation and I'll work on a project for a few days, or I'll go out on a Friday night, but usually it's the same routine of smoking the bowl and watching netflix with the same 2 friends every single night of the week. I hate it, but I have absolutely no motivation to do anything about it.I'm sexually frustrated, scratch that, sexually starved. I want to meet girls but it just doesn't seem worth going to stupid parties or sports bars. I lack the motivation to go meet chicks, even though I'm desperate. It doesn't make sense, even to me. I don't know what to do anymore. I know a lot of this crap feeling has to do with girls and hormones, but this funk it effecting me negatively . I want to stop smoking pot, get a job, get back in school, go out and meet a girl...but then again, I don't. The thought of standing behind a counter again (I've worked since I was 14, this is the first period since then I've been jobless), the thought of sitting in school again, the thought of going out to loud stupid drunken parties to score numbers...its just so dumb. I'm about to go to jail and I still don't want to deal with any of it. Maybe I need medication...
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replied November 9th, 2011
Youre having a rough go of it. but you know what? you are as valuable as any person alive. theres no rules what you have to accomplish and when. getting off the pot sucks but you can do it. i do know it seems to bring you up but in the long run.. it keeps you where you are. it would be good to get off it. maybe cold turkey would be the best way? i know just what you mean about doing the same thing every friday night. im actually a gramma.. but my life is much the same as yours. Im going to say a prayer for you because you took the time to write all this so thats one step you took for yourself. you can do it. this is a low point in your life but you are going to have some great ones. you definitely will meet that perfect person. you might feel defeated right now but the thing is.. it wont get easier if you dont get out there. you start to lose your confidence. hun you need to get a job first thing. thats the main thing because then you will get used to meeting new people again and thats key. like i said. im going to pray for you and i do believe you are going to do great!
Vicki
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