It sort of feels like its been building up inside me for a while. I guess its just this empty feeling. I don't really care what people say about marijuana not being addicting, I'm addicted to it. I spend what little money I receive from my parents to buy weed, and live off the dollar menu and ramen noodles. I'm 19 and my parents think I'm in school, but I dropped out of my classes. I have no motivation to get a job to make money for myself, even though the I can only afford to do smoke and eat. I owe 500 dollars to the last apartment complex I lived in, I don't care to pay them. My credit card has several charges on it and when the collection calls came I simply ignored them until they stopped. I was charged with larceny when I stole curtains from k-mart for this girl who sleeps around and is now pregnant. A girl who I actually think is extremely stupid and annoying, and is coincidentally one of only two girls I've ever slept with. I paid the fine I got from K-mart and when I went to court they said that I still owed more money so I had to come back, and I just...didn't. I don't give a crap anymore. Cops visited my parents house an hour away looking for me because now there's a warrant out for my arrest for a failure to appear. They don't have an address for me, and that's because I'm sleeping on my friends floor right now. 3 of us in a 1 bedroom apartment. Sometimes I get random bursts of motivation and I'll work on a project for a few days, or I'll go out on a Friday night, but usually it's the same routine of smoking the bowl and watching netflix with the same 2 friends every single night of the week. I hate it, but I have absolutely no motivation to do anything about it.I'm sexually frustrated, scratch that, sexually starved. I want to meet girls but it just doesn't seem worth going to stupid parties or sports bars. I lack the motivation to go meet chicks, even though I'm desperate. It doesn't make sense, even to me. I don't know what to do anymore. I know a lot of this crap feeling has to do with girls and hormones, but this funk it effecting me negatively . I want to stop smoking pot, get a job, get back in school, go out and meet a girl...but then again, I don't. The thought of standing behind a counter again (I've worked since I was 14, this is the first period since then I've been jobless), the thought of sitting in school again, the thought of going out to loud stupid drunken parties to score numbers...its just so dumb. I'm about to go to jail and I still don't want to deal with any of it. Maybe I need medication...
I wish I could help you. I have been a sufferer of depression for the last 24 years. But, my brother told me to go and see a Doctor many years ago. I came clean with him and he helped me by taking some drugs that at first didn't work but eventually I found the right one and they eventually made me feel a lot better. I now have a life with a beautiful wife and we are very happy together.
I suppose the moral to this is help yourself and go and see a Doctor. If they don't say the things you want to hear see another Doctor until you find one that will help.
I must point out that the reason for my depression was a drugs mishap.
BTW focus on the good things in life and bring them into your life by making them happen. Do not focus on anything negative as this is just a pointless waste of time and energy