I just turned 22, and just moved to a completely new city after college to start my career. I have a great job which I really enjoy doing, and I have an amazing family to back me up.
Unfortunately, for some weird reason, I just can't seem to come to terms with myself.
It all started when I was a kid at the tender age of 4. I was involved in a tragic car crash that, in addition to killing my grandparents, was responsible for robbing one of my eyes of vision as well as making it fairly unpleasant to look at.
As I grew up, my peers were not very forgiving and milked my situation for all the humor it was worth, while I had to endure the psychological toll it took on me. As a result, by middle school, I had become a very shy and reserved person. I chose to avoid conversation almost entirely - it was almost as if the social skills that you pick up in school just went straight over my head. I never talked to anyone unless I absolutely had to, making regular day-to-day interaction a chore for me.
Through high school and college I made a lot of new friends and I actually enjoyed these years a whole lot. I dated two girls - my insecurities came heavily into play in the first one and it didn't last very long. The second one was more interesting - we dated for a year and a half and I really really thought we had something there - while we were dating, I lost my inhibitions completely and I was able to be the man I really am and be loved for it - I loved her so much, it feels like I still have residual feelings for her, even though its been a while since....
I know I'm rambling, but those of you who stuck it out this far, much appreciated. Here is the crux of the issue: Ever since my second relationship, I have lost all faith in myself as a person. I feel I've regressed to my old ways, not speaking unless spoken to or unless its absolutely essential, especially (to an excruciating degree) so in the case of women.
I just don't know what to do. Bars and clubs haven't helped because I just end up standing around there like the boring totem pole that is me... I feel like I've lost my passion for a lot of things in my life... any ideas on what I should do?