Hi my name is A.J. and I have suffered from depression since my early teens. It was not diagnosed until I turned 17 and I am now on medication for Depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. I'm in High School right now and every day I would just look at all the other students, with their friends and companions, having a good time or at least talking to somebody. Since my Freshman year, I have not had anyone to talk to regularly. For the past five years, I have not had a single close friend. After a while, being around all of the people who had friends had bothered me. I hated going to school so I started home school. I figured, you know, what do I have to lose? I have no friends and haven't had any for quite some time. So now I just stay at my house, by myself, with none of my peers to have as an acquaintance. My mom is always here to help me but you know for some reason I seek a friend outside of her. I'm not sure what to do. I graduate in four months from high school. Most people have tons of friends by now but I have none. Why?
Hi A.J. I understand what you're going through. I have bipolar and wasn't diagnosed till the same age as you. Depression is a serious condition and does take time and counseling to improve. Are you just feeling that way about not having any friends? Have you tried to talk, or get to know people? I know it can be tough, and you may not feel good about it, but maybe getting out is what you need instead of isolating yourself.
Well, my social worker, who is my therapist, suggested that I just "put myself out there." So during the first months of the year, I went to the football games and stood with the spirit section. The spirit section is a big group of friends who talk and have fun at games. I tried getting to know the people there but for the most part, they ignored me.They were still having fun and generally acting silly while I just stood and watched. I've tried talking to people in class but I get mostly blank stares from class mates. Not too many people are interested in talking with me. So I just kind of left school and started to finish my senior year at home.
I didn't have friends in high school much either, spent my lunch time eating in staircases and bathrooms to avoid the whole social scene that just made me feel more uncomfortable. My little sister is 15 and she is going through the exact same thing as you. She just can't seem to make friends. Like you she goes to school basketball games and nothing. Having gone through this myself and seeing my sister go through it, this is what I've learned. Some people have a special purpose in life and it requires you to be strong enough to stand alone. When you have friends (not saying you shouldn't) many times you compromise your character to fit in. You do things you wouldn't normally do to keep the friends. It will not make sense now, but trust me, there is purpose in the pain. Focus on your character and your family right now, friends come and go. Very few people still talk to the friends they knew in highschool. You never know what kinda trouble you were saved from getting into by not having friends. Everything happens for a reason. Trust that God has a better plan for you.
I've always believed that very thing -- that if you keep too close of friends, then you will conform yourself to keep them and thus end up making bad decisions. I've always felt that trying to stay popular is of lesser significance than to just be yourself. Thank you for the encouraging words. Perhaps I will learn something from my solitude, lonesome as it may be.
i suffer from depression however i also have associated social anxiety which has alot of the symptoms most of you are describing, next time you see a doctor/psychiatrist ask about it and see what they think because if this is not treated then the depression carries on because of it and it turns into a vicious circle. although i am not saying there are any quick cures but it can help you to learn some coping strategies.
i have been the same, but my mental health nurse was the one that diagnosed me, putting yourself into situations like that could make it harder for you because you begin to associate social interaction with a negative outcome. try talking to people like you are on here to build up your confidence and then try small social events or just going somewere you feel comfortable.
Their loss, A.J. you are so inspiring. You have to become your own best friend before being a friend to anyone else. I am a 38 year old lady with 4 children, and not just the time to have friends, I do not need friends. I have me, and my family. My partner is my best friend. Maybe a lady friend will come along soon, AJ,. I will be thinking of you, and praying. Love and hugs,
Having no friends can be a very lonely existence and putting yourself in situations such as football games and such may just perpetuate your feelings of loneliness. Teenagers can be the meanest people out there especially when they are in groups. Nobody wants to stand out or be picked on because they were nice or reached out to someone new which means rather than one person reaching out, everybody will just ignore. It's not right but that's life in highschool. Try to put yourself in other situations and like someone else suggested, start with smaller group or even a 5 min conversation with someone so you gradually increase your confidence. Church is a wonderful place to meet people and talk without feeling like a spotlight is on you. Maybe even visit a couple of different churches and see which you feel the most comfortable at. The pastor is always open to talk with you as well. Maybe there is a local support group for people with depression that you could share your experiences with or how about bowling? There may be a league for teens that would be fun. It is a great social opportunity without alot of pressure. Good luck to you and always have faith and confidence in yourself.
A.J...u r inspiring though!!i use to have no friends as well!!i am 17 right now and have plenty of friends...i wish i'd dared to talk with someone rather of making myself depressed...i can be ur friend too...so will u be my friend??
AJ it's good to hear you are maintaining your optimism and trying to make and effort.
From my time in school i noticed that those who had certain social differences were outcast and ignored. I agree with many of the other posters suggesting that you keep happy knowing that you have yourself.
I applaud you for refusing to give into the social peer pressure and social dynamics required to fit into these social circles - millions have fallen prey to this and ended up regretting the choices they have made to simply maintain their friendships.
But i will say this: it may be worth acting (keep to your values, dont let yourself be pressured into doing any action you dont naturally agree to or wouldnt naturaly do). I know it may seem silly, but often people wont give you a chance until they trust/know/like you but once they do, they'll stick by you through thick and thin.
I also suggest that you try to get to know people on a 1-to-1 basis as most people wont feel the need to act a certain way to raise their social value (by acting) to the other members present in a social group.
I didn't have friends either in school. Just classmates but no real friend with whom you can share ur thoughts or have fun around. But i never thought about it that much. I was good in what i was doing. Studying n enjoying life with cousins n family. But then i started playing lawn tennis. i was good at it n loved playing. So soon I was selected in our school team and then the national team. Not to mention I had good overall academic record. Because of that i made few nice friends. In the beginning they were attracted because of what i achieved but soon they were knowing the actual me and accepted me as such.
In the college n then university it was even greater because of the same. Although now i am working in a shipping company. And when i meet my friends it is always a great feeling. Best friends for life now... So hang in there. The movie has just begun my friend.
I'm 23 and have absolutely no friends as well and I feel so lonely sometimes and just long for someone besides my mum to talk to and confide in, some to understand me. I was bullied a but in High School and never had a friend, so I sort of kept to myself so as not to be bullied, etc.... The last year I had a friend for almost two years; then we went our separate ways. I thought she'll always be my friend. Sometimes I wish she was still my friend. I started University, I tried to make a friend, I tried to talk and whatnot. I talked and was nice and all. (I am a nice person)But I didn't make a friend, no one befriended me.
I more or less gave up on trying to make a friend in Year 2. Year three I was home schooled and given the quiet, so called "anti-social", no-life and shy person that I am, I rarely went out - so I had no friends. I'm pursuing a different Degree from September and I hope to God some befriends me, I'm going to try and make a friend although how much will I try when I've more or less given up? I just want one friend!! Is that too much to ask for? Why can't I have a friend? I feel so lonely and I want someone to talk to, someone to call "friend" - but a real friend, a true friend.
I'm also a girl who doesn't give in to peer pressure, who always play by the book, I've often been labelled as "goody-two shoes".
I'm a new student in a hi-school. Yeah, I can say, that my hi-school now is the favourite school in my city. And mostly, the students there came from a favourite school too.. And I'm not one of them. I wasn't from the favourite one. So when I entered the class, I felt so lonely. Until now. Because before go to the hi-school, they already know each other. I just keep on NOT doin anyting since i arrive at school and go home. They're all just like a big family! And me, I'M NOTHING. And in my class, every student has their own partner, but in my class, the students are odd, so I'm the one who don't have a partner. Sometimes, I feel like, "Hey People! Don't you know that I'm better than you in every single thing?" And I tried to be better than them, to show them that I'm not just an ugly duckling. But it's hard. They're all great. I can't exceed them. And I feel like I'm a rubbish. When they have a party or something, I wasn't invited by them. I've tried to talk, to invite them, socialyzing and many else.But it's USELESS. I wanna move from here. But I love my mom so much. She wanted me to be here, she wanted me to be the best. But i never give her anything. So I'm trying to be strong. But I'M TIRED OF TRYING!!
During my last years in primary school I had a fair few friends that i really enjoyed being around and then highschool came and as his year went on I had face lasering during September and my self confidedince has gone and have no social and no friends, I also find it very hard to contact others because they might say no.
I feel exactly the same way , I had a few close friends during primary school but that was way back when there were not stereotypes and everyone was just friends because it was good to be , however as I have grown older I found it harder and harder to make friends everyone just seemed to click with others but not me and gradually I just seemed to fade into the background . I did hang out with a few people during my last few years at school but I never felt part of the group so to speak , I felt like I was just an outsider observing , I still see a few of them now but after going to university they have all made new friends there and seem to forget about the group we used to have , I'm still the same having not made any new friends at university , I seem to try and not get anywhere I offer to give people lifts and if I'm going to the shops I ask if anyone needs anything , I'm never cold or rude to them like they are to me and never ignore them like they tend to do to me it's frustrating I just don't know what I've done to them I thinking of joining some clubs/societies at uni to get more socialized but I'm feeling really nervous as I'm a very shy person so believe me I know exactly how you feel
I feel the same way. I'm 25. The only person I spoke to today was a representative from an electricity provider. She's the first person I've seen in days. I've felt so miserable for months and recently I've woken up crying. I've always wondered what it'd be like to have friends, the way other people do. All I want is to fall in love and be loved, maybe live with someone at some point. I truly hope all of you feel better and happier soon. Thanks especially, AJ, for starting this thread. I'm sorry I don't have any advice but I hope you feel a little less alone.