i have depression i think

Ok I for a few years now been ok, but yet every so often i would get depressed feeling. I had a boy friend for many years and well even with him i was so depressed at times. I would some nights just start crying and feel so freaking sad. i thought it was just wanting my boy friend or something. Some times i would be just fine even sitting next to him than maybe he or some one say's something and i would get upset as in my heart start beating real hard and i would get upset and breath harder. Its like a trigger or something.. Just hard to ex-plane it all. Any way this has gone on for a few years and well 3 months ago my bf of 7 years left me and he just left, said by get out of here and left. I flipped out i think i went into a depression cause i did not want to get up i cried and cried, i did not want to eat, this went on for days.

I felt bad, i just thought i was just going through a brake up ya.. but im still having problems im very depressed and down, i hate to say it but i every so often feel sucidle like i just want to die and im worth nothing to no one even tho allllll my friends tell me there here for me. This has been going on for the past 3 months. I still cry my head off every other night and feel sooooo down.Im having problems sleeping at night, Im even having some trouble keeping work on my mind at work, i'll get to a point some times at work where i just want to go to a corner and think of nothing...

I been reading i dont know if this is a major depression or some type of bipolar disorder or maybe ptsd. First i thought Situational Depression cause of the brake up but its been going on for 3 months and i have been depressed in the past, its just got worse now.

thing is is there a over counter med i can take to help me calm down?? I really dont have the money to go to a doc nor pay for some high end pills or something... And im trying to hide this much as i can so my family does not see me suffer.. I try my best around here to act normal even tho on the inside im really feeling bad.