i have bad self esteem Am I decent/good looking?

For early childhood on, I have a very bad self-view of myself; look-wise.

For the couple of years, I have the feeling people just stare at me. To a point I just wanted to put a hoody on and walk around with sunglasses.

I have random people staring at me, and when I look back they started to smile. Including girls, old people etc. Make me feel so akward, so for couple of years I started to just look at the ground. And try not to look in peoples eyes when I talk to them

I look in the mirror, I see some pimples and bad skin. But its not that bad? I dont know.

Lately I am thinking I am actually handsome, because of this. I really dont understand girls tbh, I had two very short relationships.
But sometimes, when I walk in a public place I feel girls staring at me. One time I walked inside the bus, and a girl instantly turned red and started to play with here hair, because she saw me.

I AM SO CONFUSED! I always know myself as a ugly dude. I have been teased ALOT in my youth.

Am I paranoid??? Or is this real?? And if it is, how do i reconstruct my thinking patron about myself. Because like I said before, having a bad self esteem of my appearance is a standard for me.