I'm 25 now and have a daughter of my own and it makes me realize how horrible my parents are. My dad fathered at least 5 other children - all aborted by different women her coerced. He told me I am crapI come from crapand I will always be crap He left when I was 5, didn't pay for the divorce and never paid child support. He showed up sporadically and let me live with his other family when my mothers husband went crazy. He gets so angry and I don't know why. He hit me in the face as hard as he could with a soccer ball from 5 feet away once because he thought I tossed it to him too hard. He lit his brother on fire when they were younger, with kerosene. He slapped me when I was 9 because he thought I took too long in the shower, he didn't even ask me he just slapped me as hard as he could. I fell. I told him it was because the water pressure was too little I couldn't rinse my hair. He only said, 'Oh', and didn't apologize. He always has treated me like dirt, refusing to hug me, putting me second to his new wife. He has two other alive children (at least) who he seems to love. He looked me directly in the eye on my 23 birthday and said 'at this point holls, I don't care whether you live or die'. Then he shrugged when I asked him if he loved me. He paid for 2 semesters at community college, my mother paid for zero and her husband not at all either. I paid for the rest. He says he doesn't remember the bad things he's said or done. He once told me to get a job to pay for school, then 3 weeks later said 'I don't understand why you think you have to work." I worked full time for 5.5 years and paid for school. When I was 22 my father and his wife had each been making over $100,000 a year as computer programmers and engineers, yet he barely conceeded to contribute to my schooling. One day I refused to change my major when he told me to out of the blue. From then on he looked at me like I was dog !**@! on his shoe, he stopped talking to me, and starting insinuating that he didn't care if I was dead - twice; before he said so explicitly. He has hardly called me my whole life, never made sure I had health insurance, never given me advice, never checked on my grades. I want him to know what a worthless piece of junk he is, how I understand incontrovertibly that he is a lame excuse of a father and not really a father at all because he did not want to be. I wish I could sue him for back child support but my idiot mother 'canceled' the court-order for him to pay when I was 9, because she is a complete idiot; so there is no case. My mother is a disgusting idiot. She was incredibly caustic and emotionally evil as I grew up. I had to walk on egg shells around her. A question like 'hi mom, how are you' prompted her to say 'god holly, will you get off my back' in a sick, evil drawl. Two parents who hate the other parent of their child don't really love their kid I think. She had a boyfriend that made me give him naked massages. He was naked, and at first I had underwear on. I was seven. The second or third time I was naked. I don't know how it happened. But my mother stood there and watched. Later she sort of accused me of being like an 'other woman', and was angry with me. I remember it happening three times, but I was sexually abused by an older male when I was four so many of my memories of abuse after then are black and incomplete; and I feel as though this man, may have done other things I don't remember. I had to beg my mother to stop seeing him. Beg her. She was so disgusting, such an idiot she pithed and said she missed him. I was 8. I understood exactly that her behavior was wrong. She had another boyfriend who tried to abuse me but I literally escaped by running out of the darkened room. When she met her now husband, he would come over and they would make sexual inuendo right in front of me, I was 9. They would go in her room and have disgusting sex all day, for hours. I would hear things. We lived in a crack-neighborhood ghetto with homeless, insane people walking around the streets and murders happening in the apartment complex so I didn't go outside. I turned on the tv, turned up the volume and cried, feeling sick. Again, I was nine. My mother also left so many times I don't even know. More than once she said she was going to taco bell for me and did not come back until the next day. I remember this multiple times, including when we lived alone - so I had no telephone, no relatives, no neighbors, no one and was nine years old. She was going to stay the night with her boyfriends. At these times, as a child my fear and anxiety about where my mom was and why she had not come home made me cry until I passed out. Multiple times, I don't know how many. She always worked a minimum-wage job, and she was always evil and caustic to me. She lacks the ability to give good life or career or education advice and instead adopted a laissez faire attitude towards my experiences and me in general. Both parents did. She used to act as if we were sisters and even at 8 years old I felt uncomfortable and grossed out by this. She basically seems to be incapable of doing anything right or being successful or responsible or trying hard or being smart, in my opinion and as such my problems with her and her lack of parenting continue to this day. When i became pregnant at 24, I told her and throughout the pregnancy and since she has given ZERO advice but instead plays on her phone, posts idiotic stuff to facebook and complains with that same caustic, evil speech about her husband and her life in general. I recently asked her if she had a moral code and she replied, 'No! I don't!", and laughed. The memories and my anger at my parents haunt me, maybe because I feel like they are greatly responsible (and in some cases directly responsible), for some of my academic failures. I am 25, happily married with a wonderful child but have no degree for my 6 years of school, only worked as a waitress for 5.5 years. I wished they had helped me in grade school, checked on my emotional well being, not abused me, not neglected me, not been privy to activities and people that put me in danger and left me sexually abused repeatedly, made sure I had dentist appointments, given me any career and college advice, looked into opportunities for me, and tried harder to be successful people themselves. This explanation is only some of the awfullness of my parents.
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