Medical Questions > Relationships > Divorce Forum

i hate my husband (Page 1)

my husband obviously hates me, he treats me with soo much disrespect and always swearing at me. i am soo close to leaving him, i hate him too, i feel nothing for him.. i am 95% getting a divorce, but something is stopping me, i dont know what it is.. I WANT A DIVORCE!!!!
Did you find this post helpful?
First Helper ffrasure
|
Users who thank sistershealth for this post: aniahunks 

User Profile
replied June 17th, 2009
Supporter
How long have you been married..Has he always trated you this way and you him? If not what has casued the changes? Divorce is such a final thing would counceling work?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 17th, 2009
we have been married almost one year. (in july)

at the beginning he was different, never hit me or called me a f*ing fat b*tch, now its happens like two - three days a week.. but i must admit, when he hits me i fight back.. i didnt the first couple times but now i think it shudnt happen to me and in a way i feel it shows him wat it does to me..

i hate fighting with him, but he says really upsetting things sometimes Sad
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 17th, 2009
you should never be with someone who disrespects you or physically harms you. What he is saying to you is very hurtful and shouldn't be tolerated. Although it might seem hard, you have got to make him understand that his behavior is unacceptable and that if he continues there can be no future between the both of you.

You should definitely stop this before it gets out of hand completely either through therapy or if the worst comes to the worst a small, or even permanent, break.

Is their any exterior reason for his behavior i.e work issues, family trouble, recent death of a close person...
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied June 17th, 2009
Supporter
Honey-a man who hits and degrades is not a man worth having..Sorry..There are good men out there..Get out while you can..Take a break from men and work hard to get this al out of your system..You lost a year of your life-don't make it more or permanent..

Or you could try counceling and then do above if doesn't work..I would not allow anyone to hit me..Names hurt but that's something you can get over as I did when a child..For a man to hit he better sleep lightly..
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 17th, 2009
Are you serious? You hate him (with good reason) and he physically, mentally, and emotionally abuses you. Are you afraid of what he will do if you leave? There are shelters available..go to family or friends..but get out, NOW!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 17th, 2009
I have been married to my wife for 24 years in September and have NEVER hit her or called her a b*tch.
Pack your bags and get out you dont need this kind of abuse.Call the cops if he touch's you again.
Good luck Cement.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 17th, 2009
i want to leave but there is something stopping me, but i dont know what..

i have recently told him i want to leave, that i want a divorce.. and sometimes he says good do it, but then he comes out with - if u leave me, i will kidnap u and hide u in the bush so that i can have sex with u when ever i want..

i mean, i know he wouldnt do it and is just saying it too make sure i dont leave..

i really dont know what to do, i still have love for him, when he is not around, but as soon as i see him he starts treating me badly so the hate i have for him continues to grow.. but why cant i leave?? what is stopping me Sad .. i really dont know..
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied September 16th, 2011
It is fear of the unknown that is preventing you. Don't let him play games with your feelings. Give him an ultimatum - either you start treating me like the woman who loves you or I don't want to see you again - EVER.
But you have to mean it. And if he tries to play games with your feelings, just get your things, get in the car and go to your parents or friends. And refuse to see him alone should he show up to talk you into coming back. Take someone with who will back you up.
I've been married for almost 31 years, and in those years my wife an I have had 2 fights. But I never called her names or stupid or anything. And afterwards BOTH of us always apologised.
Marriage is not a 50-50 thing; it's a 100-100 thing - each spouse has to give a full 100% to make the other one happy.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied June 20th, 2009
You have to leave him, iam going through the exact thing right now but it's been 5 years not 1 year like you....my husband doesn't even realize any more how he's gotten customed to permanent abuse towards myself and my dog, too. He has lost his mind. It's not getting better, listen to me, don't waste your life, even if you still love him and I can tell you I really love my husband and never wanted to leave him, but now I have to because he has been screaming at me for more than a year now and I just cannot take the pain any longer. DO IT! DO IT NOW!!!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 20th, 2009
Community Volunteer
What is stopping you is the fear of being alone...Not married...You wonder if for some reason that you deserve what he is doing to you?...He is programming you to be his puppet in life....

Get out of there before children are involved...You are dealing with one of the new bred of men...You know...Not many of us around...Take it or leave it.....So leave it and never look back...Learn from your today....And grow....

I send you all my best wishes...

Caroline
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied June 20th, 2009
Supporter
I agree with Caroline that you probably have the fear of being alone. I think it is what causes many people not to leave a bad marriage. Do yourself a favor and get out before one year turns into the next and before you know it you are bringing children into a home of domestic violence with physical and mental abuse. Don't ever let a man call you names or lay a hand on you. I also think he sounds pretty scary with those threats. I would let family members know when he threatens you, that way if anything should happen, he won't get away with it. Honey, any man who would hit a woman is nothing but evil trash. Pack your stuff and get out.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 26th, 2009
I HATE MY HUSBAND
I hate my husband too..the lack of care, concern and respect for myself and anything that comes with me is something that at first, I admit..I naively overlooked...thinking I would change him by showing him it's ok to care and respect any other feeling towards a situation than his own...but I WAS WRONG...NOW, I can't stand him..the sight, the thought, the voice, the way he eats, walks...ANYTHING... I have found 1001 ways and excuses to keep him away from me... He is in my eyes a monster. I wish I could just take back all the years I spent with him...all the time and energy I put into the relationship..thinking..This will all change and he will be a great man...my naive behavior is just as much to blame as he is..I never have claimed to be a perfect person, nor would I want to be...I just want to love and be loved...honestly, sincerely and uncomplicated...
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 28th, 2011
I have been with my husband for 13 yrs been together since we were 15. Now we have four kids... I want a divorce he cheated on me several times one with a friend while i was pregnant with the third... he talks to me like a dog and always has he puts me down all the time... We used to hit eachother when we were younger but dont anymore cause the children.. He is not a good father we have a 10 yr opld son and 3 younger girls he does nothing with r son.. He is all about himself he smokes illegal leaves all the times by himself and never gives me a break from the children I am a stay at home mom of 4 and when he is off work I cant even go to the store without the children caause he doesnt want to watch them.. He thinks his only job is paying the bills and I appriciate that but that gives him no reason to call me the ugly names he does and just plan out ta\lk to me like a dog and does that in front of my son so he thinks it ok to talk to me like that it isnt.. I think he dont wants me anymore but dont want to see me with anyone else... Same here but I have already seen him with 4 other women and I still took him back thinking he would change but he hasnt.. I want out but I dont want to hurt my kids even though he is not a good father.. I am still young 28 it is going to be so hard being a single mother of 4 and he is probly right nobody is going want me having 4 children fat ugly have stretch marks it is gettiun worse the verbal abuse and i dont want mmy three beautiful girls thinking its ok to be treated like that from a man and for my son to treat a woman like that that what to do???? He really has no feeling cause all the drugs he has used now he spends all money and time on this new thing out there How do I leave all what we did have and move on even though there are more bad than good and that is really sad... I cant stand even looking at him sometimes but then the way he looks at me in such a nasty way like he really dont love me anymore... How can I make this easy!!!!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied October 23rd, 2011
Get the heck out now woman, four kids or not.....you are only 28? Let me tell you, 28 turns to 58 in a heartbeat when you are busy with 4 children, and this guy will not improve with age, in fact, they get grumpier and more broken. Then when those children are gone, you will look at that man and hate him even more, then look in the mirror and not just see fat, but deep set wrinkles and no money in the bank, outdated skills and no great employment opportunities just waiting for you to waltz in the door. No one wants to hire you when you are over 50, other than your local WalMart. You are not only abusing yourself, you are also abusing your children, they do not have a choice, and you are subjecting them to a lifetime of scars. Get out, never mind the fear. Other women have survived, and even remarried....no matter what their weight. Find a supportive church group with good members who will help you with your children and finances. Get to a gym and start eating better. And who said it would be easy...the adult world is not easy, but one bite off the elephant at a time IS do-able. Pray for help - God is listening. Sometimes He is the only one. Love your children enough to do the right thing. Anyone who wonders WHY they cannot do it - dang straight it is FEAR....fear of the unknown and of the word "single" and "divorced" but plenty of good people have these labels nowadays and they are not a permanent state. DO NOT wait until you are 50 plus, by then you have grandchildren in the mix as well!!!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 28th, 2011
hurtme
I have been with my husband for 13 yrs been together since we were 15. Now we have four kids... I want a divorce he cheated on me several times one with a friend while i was pregnant with the third... he talks to me like a dog and always has he puts me down all the time... We used to hit eachother when we were younger but dont anymore cause the children.. He is not a good father we have a 10 yr opld son and 3 younger girls he does nothing with r son.. He is all about himself he smokes illegal leaves all the times by himself and never gives me a break from the children I am a stay at home mom of 4 and when he is off work I cant even go to the store without the children caause he doesnt want to watch them.. He thinks his only job is paying the bills and I appriciate that but that gives him no reason to call me the ugly names he does and just plan out ta\lk to me like a dog and does that in front of my son so he thinks it ok to talk to me like that it isnt.. I think he dont wants me anymore but dont want to see me with anyone else... Same here but I have already seen him with 4 other women and I still took him back thinking he would change but he hasnt.. I want out but I dont want to hurt my kids even though he is not a good father.. I am still young 28 it is going to be so hard being a single mother of 4 and he is probly right nobody is going want me having 4 children fat ugly have stretch marks it is gettiun worse the verbal abuse and i dont want mmy three beautiful girls thinking its ok to be treated like that from a man and for my son to treat a woman like that that what to do???? He really has no feeling cause all the drugs he has used now he spends all money and time on this new thing out there How do I leave all what we did have and move on even though there are more bad than good and that is really sad... I cant stand even looking at him sometimes but then the way he looks at me in such a nasty way like he really dont love me anymore... How can I make this easy!!!!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 3rd, 2009
I have been married for 21 years and in the beginning he was real nice,then I got pregnant and we have 2 kids together now grown,we use to fist fight and call each other names,he would start in and I would start,But now that we are older things have changed,but I look at him more like a friend and not a husband,I guess we got use to each other.But he tries to control everything and is very egotistical acting and he gets on my nerves but I overlook things now,nobody is perfect.If you love him I would go to counseling he has a anger problem,He is just trying to control you.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied September 9th, 2011
If i didnt know any better summeri56, i would be thinking you were talking about my marriage...lol
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 15th, 2009
Your marriage is in a rut now. At one point you must have loved each other. I suggest you read the book Divorce Busters and give a copy to your ex. Consider one of Michelle Weiner Davis Marriage saver seminars. The grass may not be greener on the other side. If this does not work, than maybe Divorce is the best option.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied August 3rd, 2009
I love to say "A man only hits me once" and this is the attitude every woman should have. My husband knows it and would never hit me no matter how mad I made him because it would end our marriage in an instant. If you think he'll freak out if you leave him pack up and go while he's at work and go where he wont guess you'll be. He's saying, "i will kidnap u and hide u in the bush so that i can have sex with u when ever i want"?!! The dude is sick! Doesn't matter if he doesn't mean it, you don't say that sort of crap to people unless you got serious problems. I doubt very much if counseling will do any good at this moment either because he already knows he is aloud to hit you and verbally abuse you and get away with it. If he wasn't aloud to you'd be gone already. Be smart, run for the hills and never look back. I know there is an extreme sense of failure with divorce, but when it is not your fault you have no reason to feel that way. Be strong, you are worth so much more than you know.
Good Luck,
Thrill
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied September 6th, 2009
Supporter
i stayed with someone who treated me like that, at the end we were hitting each other. i am a loving person, and he was turning me into something that i was not.
you said something is keeping you from leaving him. it is because he is "an old shoe" your comfortable in a way.
you need to plot and plan your escape, because if he doesnt change you will eventually get tired and leave any way.
even if you move out for a while to get his attention, but you can not live in a relationship like this. it will destroy you mentally.
p.s
my mom went to counseling and it didnt work for them. her husband was getting tird of someone telling him what he should and should not do. theyre divorced.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied September 28th, 2009
Think
Unfortunally in an abusive relationship the thing that keeps you from leaving will be the reason to go back if you do leave him. I have been there. I left my ex husband 8 times and the last time I left, He went to jail and I went to a shelter. From there I got a divorce and started my life over.

The only person who is going to change your situation is YOU... or your husband when he kills you. Sure you may think he won't but a man who hit the woman he "loves" can kill you by accident. Do you have children? Do you want children? Do you want them to see you treated the way you are being treated? Have you not seen Oprah...? nothing good is going to come out of you staying in an abusive relationship. Think Lady... and Think long and hard.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied September 28th, 2009
i have been married 3 times and to be honest divorce is a hard and stressful situation ( I have done both of my own divorces). Have you tried marriage counseling? or even have a 3rd neutral party to help. Not saying it will work, but it is something to consider, but if you two are fighting as much as you are now...a divorce might be the only solution.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied October 10th, 2009
co-dependency
what the hell kind of doctor are you, peter hill? the woman is getting physically abused, her husband threatens to kidnap her and rape her if she leaves, and your solution is to read a book and go see a therapist? its only been one year of marriage! yuckfou, get out NOW. call the cops next time he hits you, file a police report, get a divorce, then get a restraining order. you have laws to protect you. the more you stay there, the more he thinks its ok to do whatever he wants to you and youre just gonna stick around. life is too short to be unhappy, especially in a marriage which is supposed to bring happiness, safety, and security.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied October 10th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Hey yuckfou
That thing that's keeping you from leaving is an abuse cycle. The pattern of abuse/affection/neglect has trained you to to react to his neglect in order to trigger his angered response so you can get the affection you're being starved for. This is an addictive cycle for your husband so both the affection and abuse will become more intense but just like you he's unable to break this cycle. Even if you don't want a divorce you need to go in order to save yourself. You need to completely separate yourself from this man and you need to get help to recover from the abuse you've suffered so that your next relationship doesn't fall into this cycle as well.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Quick Reply
DISCLAIMER: "Ask a Doctor" questions are answered by certified physicians and other medical professionals. For more information about experts participating in the "Ask a Doctor" Network, please visit our medical experts page. You may also visit our Divorce , for moderated patient to patient support and information.

The information provided on eHealth Forum is designed to improve, not replace, the relationship between a patient and his/her own physician. Personal consultation(s) with a qualified medical professional is the proper means for diagnosing any medical condition.